評論
打印
Hi, Mommy.
嗨，媽媽
Today, my friend Zack
我的小伙伴兒扎克
tried to drink a large apple juice.
今天挑戰了一大杯蘋果汁兒
It didn't end well.
結果慘不忍睹
He peed himself.
他尿了自己一身
How close were you? Do we need to burn your shoes?
當時你離他有多近，需不需要燒掉你的鞋
Good.
那就好
Look what I got you.
看看這是什么
My very own Costco membership card!
你給我辦了張好市多超市會員卡
Now when we go together on Sundays,
以后我們周日一起去的時候
you can enter six to eight paces ahead of me.
你就可以拿著你的卡，一個人大搖大擺地進去了
Plus, when offers say "Limit one per customer,"
而且，碰上一人一份的限量商品的時候
guess who is two customers now.
猜猜誰和誰能買兩份兒呀
Hey, there's my friend Zack.
看，是我的朋友扎克
You and me. The answer was you and me.
你和我，答案是咱倆
Evan, they gave me a bag for my underwear!
埃文，他們給了我個袋子裝內褲
Bye.
拜拜
What does that mean... WWJD?
那是什么意思，WWJD
It stands for "What Would Jesus Do?"
意思是，上帝會怎么做
Or maybe it stands for "What Would Jessica Do?"
或者是，杰西卡會怎么做
She would put that in a safe place,
她會把那張卡收好
because a replacement card costs $16.
因為補卡要花十六刀
Oh, and we need more dish soap.
哦，我們還得買點兒洗潔精
Let's get a barrel.
來一桶吧
When it's empty, I saw it in half...
用完了，我就把桶鋸成兩半兒
Two flower pots.
當倆個花盆用
Ooh!
機智
What a list.
這購物單完美
What a beautiful Costco shopping list.
多么美麗的一張好市多購物單啊
Oh, could you add Frosted Flakes?
能加上香甜玉米片嗎
That would be grrrrreat!
那就忒———棒了
It's what the tiger on the box says.
盒子上的那只老虎就是這么說的
How does a tiger know more English than Grandma?
怎么一只老虎的英語都比奶奶好
Well, I think Honey and I are gonna head out.
我和哈妮要出去約會了
Saturday nights are when we remind ourselves
我們每周六晚上都要嘿嘿嘿
that we're not just roommates.
否則豈不是和普通室友沒什么兩樣
Okay, they didn't need to know that, sweetie.
好的親愛的，他們沒必要連這個也知道
Oh, Louis, how much do I owe you?
哦，路易斯，多少錢
Oh, please, put away your wallet.
算了算了，把錢包收起來
It's on me.
這頓我請
You sure?
真的嗎
Yes, Louis, you sure?
是啊，路易斯，真的嗎
Absolutely. It's the friends discount.
當然是真的，友情價嘛
Oh, thanks, Lou. You know what?
謝了，路，這樣吧
Why don't you stop by my dental office for a cleaning
你來我的牙科診所清潔下牙齒
anytime,
隨時都可以
at the "Friends price."
友情服務
I do have a little time on Sunday
我周日有點兒時間
while Jessica and Evan are at Costco...
杰西卡和埃文要去逛好市多超市
Like five to eight hours.
一逛就是五到八個小時
Done. I'll see you then.
就這么定了，到時候見
I think it's lovely you spend Saturday nights
我覺得你把周六晚上的時間
focused on your marriage.
用來經營你的婚姻真是太有愛了
When I have a wife,
等我有了老婆
I'm gonna touch butts with her every day.
我會和她啪啪啪每一天
We, uh...
我們，額
We've been putting off "The talk."
我們一直避免談這個話題
Hey, Monica.
嗨，莫妮卡
Hey, Sam.
嗨，山姆
Hey, Jason.
嗨，杰森
I feel so calm here,
我在這兒感受到了內心的安寧
just knowing all the bulk deals are waiting.
那么多的批發價商品在等著我
An entire case of mushroom soup for $4.99?
一整盒的蘑菇湯才要四塊九毛九
Damn it, Costco, you've done it again.
真討厭，好市多你又這樣子
Ooh, can we get this?
哦，可以買這個嗎
It's not unusual
被人愛這件事
To be loved by anyone
沒有那么的不尋常
That's silly. What would you even use that for?
好蠢，你要這個干嘛
It's 80% off.
打兩折
We'll get two.
那拿兩個
Hey, Jessica! Evan!
嗨，杰西卡，埃文
Don't wander far.
別走遠了
I'm debuting a spicy-ranch spread.
我在做辛辣農場的餅干試吃
Hi, Marie. How's your cat, Sadie, doing?
嗨，瑪麗，你的貓，莎蒂，最近還好嗎
19 years old and still bringing me mouse heads,
十九歲了還在抓老鼠，吃剩個老鼠頭帶回來給我
bless her heart.
上帝保佑她
I like the cool, fiesta flavor. I don't like this,
我喜歡這個嘉年華味兒，不好吃
but it's free, so I will continue to chew.
但鑒于是免費的，我還是吃了吧
Another great Sunday.
又是一個美好的周日
And not too rough on the old pocketbook.
而且買的東西都很便宜
Oh, by the way,
哦，對了
my friend Zack wants to hang out next Sunday.
我朋友扎克說下周日一起出去玩兒
Great, next Sunday's our toilet paper run.
太好了，下周日要來買衛生紙
We could use the extra set of hands
他正好可以來幫忙
to help carry the 144-pack.
提一袋兒一百四十四卷的紙回去
Ooh, birthday cake. Whose birthday is it?
喔，生日蛋糕，誰過生日
Look at the price, Carmine.
看看價格，卡邁恩
At 5 cents a cubic-inch, it's all our birthdays.
一寸蛋糕五分錢，就算不是生日也得過個生日
Oh, you did great.
哦，你保養得很好
No cavities. Very little plaque.
沒有齲洞，很少的齒菌斑
That's true.
沒錯
Tooth plaque is bad,
齒菌斑很不好
and the plaque you hang on the wall is good.
但是墻上掛的匾牌（和齒菌斑同詞異意）很棒
I never thought of that.
我都沒想到過這個梗
You're all done, buddy.
好了，哥們兒
Mm.
嗯
Gah! What happened?!
嘎，什么情況
I threw a whitener into the fluoride treatment.
我在氟化物治療里面加了點兒美白劑
The "Friends price."
友情服務哦
You're welcome, pal.
不用客氣，老弟
Huh, it's very bright.
很亮
It's just, uh...
只是
very bright.
非常亮
You'll get used to it.
你會習慣的
Your teeth haven't been this clean since you were born.
這是你出生以來牙齒最干凈的時刻
They're birth white.
這叫‘胎生白’
Trust me. Everyone's gonna love it.
相信我，大家都會喜歡的
What happened to your teeth?
你的牙怎么了
Marvin snuck tooth whitener in.
馬文給我美白了
I should've bought those sunglasses.
我應該買了那幅墨鏡的
I didn't ask for this.
又不是我要求的
Now I know how people who wake up in bathtubs
現在我知道那些醒來發現自己躺在浴缸里
without their kidneys feel... Violated.
還沒了腎的人的感受了，一種被侵犯的感覺
Clean but violated.
確實干凈，但還是感覺被侵犯
Did you get it?
你買麥片了嗎
Yes, I got your tiger sugar flakes.
當然，給你買了你的老虎香甜玉米片
They're in the variety pack.
多口味混合包裝
Oh, Dad?
爸爸
Yes?
怎么了
Oh, sorry.
不好意思
That's my default way of speaking.
剛才是我系統默認的講話方式
I meant, "Ohh, Dad."
我是想說，哦，我的爹啊
Yes!
太好了
It's not so bad.
沒那么糟糕
Give it a week. I'm sure it'll fade.
過一個星期，它肯定會褪掉的
It's like living with a lighthouse.
我就像是和一座燈塔住在一起一樣
I feel like it's gaining strength.
我覺得它愈來愈白了
Mom, could you pick up some more Frosted Flakes today?
媽媽，你今天能再買點兒香甜玉米片嗎
Well, you still have the variety pack left.
但你們的多口味包還沒吃完
I'm not going to buy new cereal
我不可能去買新的麥片
when there's still perfectly good cereal left.
這還剩下很多很好的麥片啊
But the rooster on the box looks so serious.
但盒子上的公雞看起來太嚇人了
Finish these, then I'll buy more.
吃完這些，我再去買新的
Evan, come on, I want to get there early
埃文，快點，我想早點兒去
for the gas station fistfights!
去加油站擼袖子‘戰斗’
You know I love that.
你知道我有多喜歡的啊
Why are you so dressed up?
你穿這么好看要去干嘛
Is a guest author coming today?
今天有什么訪客作家要來嗎
Is Dean Koontz coming back?
丁·昆士又要來了嗎
Sorry, Mommy. I can't go to Costco today.
抱歉，媽媽，我今天不能去好市多超市
Zack and his mom are picking me up.
扎克和他媽媽會來接我
What do you mean? Where are you going?
什么意思，你要去哪兒
To church.
教堂
Church? What do you mean "Church"?
教堂，你去教堂干什么
Zack's always talking about it, and it sounds fun.
扎克總是在說教堂的事情，聽起來很有意思
Remember, I told you he wanted to hang out?
你還記得嗎，我跟你說過他說要出去玩兒
That's them.
他們來了
Don't sit in the beanbag chairs
別坐變形椅了哦
without someone to pull you out.
今天沒人拉你出來了
Church?
教堂
Yeah, that was surprising. But why?
嗯，很令人吃驚，為什么呢
He knows we're mostly lapsed Buddhists
他知道我們算小半個佛教徒
who believe in some Chinese superstition
我們相信中國的迷信
but also like Christmas but in a festive,
同時也喜歡圣誕，但只是當作過個節
not-religious way.
沒有任何宗教意義
He's probably just exploring. I went through a similar phase.
他大概只是在探索，我也經歷過這個階段
I was raised Buddhist
我家里都信佛
but wanted to see what else was out there.
但我曾想看看除此之外還有什么
I almost converted to Mormonism.
我差點兒就皈依了摩門教
So, we give up coffee,
也就是說，我們放棄喝咖啡
and in exchange, we get a second wife?
但是作為交換條件，我們可以娶兩個老婆
Ultimately, I just love caffeine too much.
結果，我還是太愛喝咖啡了
Church.
教堂
Why would he want to go there
他為什么想去教堂
instead of to Costco with me?
而不是和我去逛好市多
Jessica, don't worry. It's just one Sunday.
杰西卡，別擔心，只是一個周日而已
You're right.
你說的對
You're right. It's just one Sunday.
你說的對，就一個周日而已
He's probably gonna be bored.
他可能會覺得教堂很無聊
It's fine. I'll just go to Costco alone.
沒關系，我就自己去好市多好了
It's no big deal.
又不是什么大事兒
If you want, I can go with you.
你愿意的話，我可以和你一起去
Oh, uh, it's...
哦，額，那個
It's just that I know people there, and...
我認識那兒的人，然后
You get it?
你懂嗎
Each one has a higher fiber content than the last.
每一盒的纖維含量都比上一盒高
Zero sugars?!
零糖分
How does this even qualify as a cereal?
沒糖的怎么能叫作合格的麥片
What if we put it in our pockets
我們把它放到口袋里
and slip it down our pant legs,
然后順著褲管兒滑下去，怎么樣
like in "Shawshank Redemption"?
就像《肖申克的救贖》里面那樣
Mom will find it.
媽媽會知道的
She always sniffs out wasted food.
她總能發現浪費的糧食
Remember when I didn't eat my pizza crusts?
你還記得上次我沒吃掉的披薩邊兒嗎
She can get real creative.
她的創造力真是超群
That's what we need to do...
這就是我們要做的
Get creative.
發揮創造力
Rice Krispie Treats!
棉花糖米脆款待
If marshmallow and butter can make these taste good,
如果棉花糖和黃油能讓這些東西好吃點兒
they'll make all of these taste good.
它們就能讓所有的這些麥片變得好吃
So, like a Bad Cereal Treat?
就像是難以下咽的麥片大餐
Like a Bad-Ass Cereal Treat.
是難以小看的麥片大餐
Step aside.
一邊去
I'm gonna get my chef on.
本廚師要上線了
I present to you...
各位觀眾這就是
the B.A.C.T
the B.A.C.T
The Bad-Ass Cereal Treat.
難以小看的麥片款待
Is yours getting any smaller?
你的嚼完了嗎
No.
沒有
We should just keep chewing.
我們就繼續嚼嚼看吧
Nope. It's just me.
并不是，是我
She's just making fun of my teeth again.
她只是在嘲笑我的牙
Each time more hurtfully than the last.
一次比一次傷人
Help! Someone!
幫我一下，有沒有人
Assist!
幫把手
Ritz me, Marie. I've had a day.
給我餅干，瑪麗，我今天不開心
Where's Evan?
埃文呢
Oh, no. You didn't lose him, did you?
哦不是吧，你不會把他弄丟了吧
No. I didn't lose Evan.
我當然沒把埃文弄丟
Although I might have.
不過我可能要失去他了
I just might have.
只是可能
What? Sorry. I got distracted.
什么，抱歉，我剛才分神了
Bailey's wearing a tight smock again.
貝利又穿緊身衣了
Hello, Evan!
嗨，埃文
I forgot you were out.
我都忘了你出門了
That's right. You had, uh, church.
對了，你去了，額，教堂
How was it? Boring?
怎么樣，無聊嗎
How boring was it?
有多無聊
It wasn't boring at all.
一點兒也不無聊
Everyone knows everyone.
那里的人都很友好
There's crackers and grape juice.
他們那兒有餅干還有葡萄汁
They talk about values, and they tell stories.
他們探討價值觀，還會講故事
Like, once, there was this flood,
比如說，又一次，發了大洪水
so this man Noah decided to build a boat
于是有個叫諾亞的人打算造一艘船
for all the animals.
拯救所有的動物
He built a boat by himself?
他自己造了一艘船
Yeah, and he was 600 years old!
對啊，而且他都六百歲了
What?
啥
And then he got two of every animal on Earth
然后在地球上的動物中，每一種選兩只留下
and sailed around for 40 days.
航行了大約四十天
Even snakes?
也包括蛇嗎
Yeah, he saved every animal.
對啊，他救了每一種動物
You're telling me a man
你是說有個人
had the chance to let all the snakes drown,
有機會讓所有的蛇都淹死
and instead, he put two of them on a boat?
卻選擇挑了兩條放在船上嗎
No, that's not real.
不，那都是瞎扯
Next Sunday, you should come with me.
下周日，你應該和我一起去
You can hear about it yourself.
你可以親自聽一聽
Wait. You're going back next Sunday?
等會兒，你下周日還要去
But Costco just got the big bags of rice in stock.
可好市多剛開始甩賣大包的米啊
We could put one on the bathroom scale
咱們可以放一包在浴室的秤上
and see if you weigh more than it yet.
看你有沒有比它重
That does sound fun,
聽起來不錯
but I think I'd rather go to church.
可我還是想去教堂
Next week, there's a guitarist coming.
下周有個吉他手要來表演
Oh, Louis, my friend, come over here
路易斯，朋友，來這兒
and meet the old boys from dental school.
見見我牙醫學院的老朋友
Hello. Nice to meet you.
你們好，很高興見到你們
Oh, buddy. These burgers are so good.
噢，伙計，這漢堡太贊了
Great. Juicy.
很棒，美味多汁
Perfect temp. Eh.
火候很適宜
Ah, don't mind Ted.
不要介意泰德
You know how every ad says
你知道每個廣告都這樣說
four out of five dentists recommend a product?
五個醫生里有四個要向你推銷產品
He's that fifth guy.
他就是那第五個
He can just never get on board.
他永遠也上不了道
What can I say? I'm hard to please.
要我怎么說，我很難取悅的
I gave Louis the cleaning of his life last week
我上星期以親友價給路易斯
at the "Friends price."
洗了次牙
Go ahead. Reveal that ivory curtain.
來吧，給我們看看你那能亮瞎24K鈦合金狗眼的牙齒
Um... actually, I need to work the floor, so...
呃，實際上，我得打掃一下地板，所以...
Come on, now. Don't be shy.
來吧，來吧，別害羞
You look like a million bucks.
你人見人愛啊
No, I'm good. Come on.
不了吧，來吧
Smile. Smile.
笑一個，笑一個吧
I don't want to smile.
我不想笑啊
Smile!
快特么的笑啊
No!
不要
I never wanted this!
我從沒想要過這個
You can't just change the color of a man's teeth without asking.
你不能連問都不問就改變一個人牙齒的顏色
Hey, I did you a favor, as a friend.
嘿，我可當你是朋友才幫你做的
I liked my old teeth hue.
我喜歡我牙齒原來的顏色
I gave you 250 bucks of free work,
我給了你兩百五十塊的免單
and I made you easier on the eyes.
讓你在大家眼里更有魅力
I took you from a seven to an eight...
我把你從七分，提到了八分
An eight and a half.
甚至八點五分
I was never a seven!
我從來都不是七分
It's getting harder.
它變得更硬了
And I think, somehow, bigger.
而且我覺得更大了
It's Saturday night.
已經周六晚上了
If we don't finish by tomorrow morning,
如果我們明天早上之前吃不完的話
we won't get our Frosted Flakes.
我們就拿不到凍麥片了
Like Tupac... R.I.P... said,
就像圖帕克說的那樣
"No matter how hard it gets,
不管有多困難
stick your chest out, keep your head up,
你都要抬頭挺胸
and handle it."
然后消滅困難
Are they getting any closer to catching his killer?
他們抓捕殺手有進展了嗎
No. They have no leads.
沒有，他們一點線索都沒有
Cops are chasing their own tails!
這些警察簡直是在瞎忙活
Don't look at me while I do this.
別在我這么做的時候盯著我
Do you know what Evan is doing alone in his room?
你知道埃文一個人在房間里做什么嗎
Already? He's only 9.
他才九歲，就開始內啥了嗎
He's praying.
他在祈禱
Oh, yes, that's, uh... what I thought, too.
噢，對對對，那正是我所想的
What is he saying?
他說什么了
What conversation does he need to be having with God
他究竟要和上帝談什么
that he can't have with his own mother?
卻不愿意跟他媽媽分享
If you're so curious,
如果你這么感興趣
maybe you should go to church with him.
你應該跟埃文一起去教堂
You know my family wasn't religious.
你知道我家可不信教啊
I just didn't grow up that way.
我從小到大都沒接觸過宗教
It all just seems so strange.
這對我來說太陌生了
The only thing I know about Christianity
我對基督教的唯一了解
is the sad story of Mary's son leaving her.
就是瑪麗的孩子離開她的悲傷故事
There's more to it than that.
絕不僅僅如此
I do believe there's something bigger out there.
我相信基督教肯定有更多的涵義
And there are upsides to organized religion.
而且信教是有不少好處的
I biked around for a summer with the Mormons,
我曾經一個夏天都在跟摩門教徒們騎車
and you should've seen my calves.
你真該看看我那時候的小腿
I mean, like pow, pow!
粗的跟大腦袋似的
He's just a boy.
他只是個孩子
He doesn't need pow-pow calves.
他不需要有多粗的腿
But he does need to find his own way,
但他確實需要摸索自己的道路
and you have to let him see where this leads.
你應該讓他試試看能走到哪里
What if I can't?
要是我做不到呢
You have to.
你必須做到
Evan.
埃文
God?
是上帝嗎
Yes, Evan. It's me... God.
是的，埃文，我是上帝
I have a special message for you.
我想對你講一句特別的話
Don't go to church anymore.
別再去教堂了
What?!
什么
There's too many people already. It's just too much.
教堂里太多人了已經，太多了
Go to Costco with Mommy instead.
跟媽媽一起去好市多購物吧
Mommy!
媽媽
I was just getting some applesauce.
我只是在拿蘋果沙拉
Jessica!
杰西卡
I'm disappointed in your betrayal.
我對你的行為很失望
But I forgive you.
但是我原諒你
That's what Jesus would do.
這正是上帝會做的
And, please, wipe off the microphone
還有，麻煩用完的時候
when you're finished with it.
擦一下擴音器
It's for both of us.
我們倆個都要用
I'm going to church, brothers.
哥哥們，我要去教堂了
By the way, if you hear the voice of God,
對了，你們如果聽到上帝的聲音的話
it's just Mom.
那只是媽媽而已
Evan, take this loaf with you!
埃文，帶上這塊面包
Maybe the homeless will want it!
或許流浪漢想要它
I'm washing down bites like pills.
我現在就像是在吞藥一樣
You faked being God?
你假裝成上帝
I mean, I know I say I'm a god on the dance floor,
我知道我曾自譽為舞神
but never in front of the children.
但從沒在孩子面前這樣
I didn't know what else to do!
我不知道該怎么辦了
I thought if I could just get him back to Costco...
我想如果我能再讓埃文跟我一起去購物的話
Aah!
啊
I fink I chipped my toof.
我吼想我把牙給咬醉了
I'm sorry. I just can't recommend it.
抱歉，我真的沒法推薦它
Oh, come on, Ted.
得了吧，泰德
Louis.
路易斯
Well, do you have an appointment?
你有預約嗎
Uh... look, I know things were awkward the other night.
我知道前天晚上有點尷尬
Eddie! Kiddo, what happened?
埃迪，孩砸，怎么啦
B.A.C.T
B.A.C.T.
Oh, is that an acronym for a Rice Krispie-style treat
噢，那是脆米花的縮寫嗎
you tried to make out of the duds
你是把各種包裝的麥片
of a variety pack?
給團成一大塊垃圾食品了嗎
I'm a dentist. I've seen everything.
我是牙醫，什么我沒見過啊
Well, hop up in the chair, and let's bib you up.
坐到椅子上來吧，我來給你補補牙
I'll take a gold cap like Big Daddy Kane, if you got it.
如果可以的話，我想要個像凱恩大大那樣的金牙
No. Just a normal cap.
不行，只能普通的牙
I'm sorry I blew up at the restaurant.
我很抱歉在餐廳里大發雷霆
No, I'm sorry.
不，是我的不對
It was presumptuous of me to assume
我自以為是的認為
that you wanted to look so damn fantastic.
你想看起來非常獨特
You were never a seven.
你從來就不只七分
You were always a nine.
你一直都是九分
Mm-hmm.
嗯哼
Just so we're clear,
不過咱們得說清楚
I'm going to pay full price for Eddie's dental work.
埃迪的補牙費我會付全款的
I think it's better that way, for our friendship.
我覺得那樣的話對于我們的友誼更好
Agreed.
同意
And I'll pay full price at your restaurant.
我也會在你餐廳吃飯的時候付全款的
Well, I'm glad we worked this out.
好吧，我很高興我們解決了這個問題
Yeah.
是啊
Oh, and don't worry.
別擔心
That whitening agent that I use
我給你用的增白劑
only lasts four to six weeks.
只會持續四到六周
Which is why I cannot recommend it.
所以我不能推薦它
We get it, Ted!
知道了，泰德
Okay?
可以了嗎
We get it!
我們知道啦
Hey, Jessica. Special today...
嗨，杰西卡，今日特品
Ritz-os.
美味的小餅干
Who needs tortilla chips to make nachos?
誰還會用玉米粉去做玉米片呢
Oh, no. I can make it less spicy.
噢，糟糕，我該做的不辣點的
Can I talk to you about something?
我能跟你講點事情嗎
Oh, sure.
當然啦
I just need to make some more samples,
我需要再做點樣品
so how about I get the crackers,
要不我去拿薄脆餅
you get the salsa.
你去拿調味汁兒
We'll chat in the aisle.
我們在過道上聊天
So, how can I help?
所以你有啥事呢
You were right.
你是對的
I have lost Evan...
我已經失去埃文了
to church.
他去教堂了
We used to spend every Sunday together,
我們以前每周日都一起
and now he goes there instead of here with me.
可現在他不陪我來逛超市而是去了教堂
Oh, I see.
我明白了
And why does this upset you so?
但為什么這會讓你難過呢
I don't know.
我也說不清楚
I'm afraid I'm losing my baby to something I don't understand.
我擔心我要失去我的孩子了，而我卻對他感興趣的東西一無所知
Well, you know, the first rule of sampling is,
你知道的，做試吃品的第一條規則就是
always ask the customer what it is
問顧客他們喜歡
they like about the sample.
試吃品的哪些方面
Shouldn't the first rule be hygiene?
第一條規則不是衛生嗎
Have you asked Evan what he likes about church?
你有問過埃文為什么喜歡教堂嗎
Yes, he says it's fun, everybody knows everybody,
有的，他說在哪兒很開心，大家都認識彼此
they talk about values, and they have good snacks.
他們談論著價值觀，而且他們有很好吃的零食
Sounds like a place we both know and love.
聽起來像是一個我們都知道而且熱愛的地方啊
What place?
哪兒
Look around you.
看看你周圍
The community.
這個群體
The values.
這份觀念
The sense of calm I get just walking in the door.
這種我一進來就能感覺到的平靜
Church is Evan's Costco!
教堂是埃文的好市多
Excuse me, sir.
抱歉，先生
Are you Greg?
您是格雷格先生吧
Your wife sent me.
您的妻子讓我捎個信兒
You're supposed to be getting chicken nuggets and milk.
您該去買雞塊和牛奶了
Mommy!
麻麻
This is your bulk deals,
這是你的大生意
and if that's what you want, you can have it.
如果這正是你想要的話，那你就去做把
I mean, I wish that bulk deals were your bulk deals,
我想說，我希望這正如你所愿
but whatever.
管他的
You're young. You have time.
你很年輕，你有的是時間
Eternity.
一大把
Sure.
當然了
For now, the only thing that matters to me
現在，我唯一在乎的是
is that we get to spend Sundays together.
我們應該一起度過周末
So, you'll come to church with me?
所以，你會陪我一起來教堂嗎
I will come to outside church with you,
我會陪你走到門口
and then you can go in.
然后你進去開心的玩
I'm good out here.
我就在外面
But I'll wait for you.
但我會等你的
And then you can tell me all about it.
然后你可以告訴我里面發生的一切
Today, we learned about this man Jonah
今天我們了解了喬那這個人
who lived in the belly of a whale for three whole days.
他在一個鯨魚的肚子里呆了三天
Impossible.
不可能
What was that? Nothing. Go on.
什么，沒啥，繼續說
Oh, and get this.
噢，聽著
They have something called Sunday School here.
他們這兒有周日學校
It's school on Sundays!
在周日上學
No kidding?!
真的嗎
Evan, you ready for me to drive you to church?
埃文，你準備好讓我載你去教堂了嗎
I thought I'd come to Costco today.
今天我想跟你去購物呢
They just got in the off-model Kenneth Cole kids' blazers.
他們剛剛上架凱尼斯·科爾牌的兒童運動衣
Is that okay?
可以嗎
Oh, y-yeah. Of course it is.
噢，當然可以啦
Great, and I can go to church next Sunday.
太棒了，我可以下周日再去教堂
We'll see.
好的
Eddie, I'll pick you up some porridge
埃迪，我會給你帶點粥
since you could only eat soft food.
考慮到你只能吃軟食
Does that mean I don't have to finish this?
是不是說我不用吃完這個了
Of course you don't.
當然不用了
And I don't expect Emery to have to finish it by himself.
我也不希望埃默里一個人吃完
I'll boil it and make a stock.
我把它熬成湯
Okay.
好了
Let's go get you that blazer.
我們一起去挑運動衣吧
My right arm is slightly longer than my left.
我的右臂比左臂有點兒長
It's like God made my body for factory mistakes.
好像上帝造我的過程中發生了點機械故障
Or maybe I've just always held your right hand
也可能是我一直拉著你的右手
with just enough tension to stretch it.
張力太大把它給拉長了
God's got nothing on Mommy.
上帝可贏不了媽媽
Okay. You're up.
好了，到你了
I weigh more than the rice. I'm growing!
我比這袋大米重，我長大了
You think you're ready for the keg of mayonnaise yet?
你覺得你現在能扛起一桶蛋黃醬了嗎
Someday, but not today.
總有一天的，但不是今天
Okay, now let's try it with this carpet steamer.
好吧，現在來試試這個吸塵器
If I weigh less, we get Pop-Tarts.
如果我更輕的話，我們就去餡餅
If I weigh more, we never speak of it again.
如果我更重的話，這事就絕不再提
