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He was so happy after he passed it, he gave me a Terminator.
他把石頭排出之后超開心，還送了我一個終結(jié)者模型。
That is amazing. How long have you been collecting?
真是太不可思議了。你從什么時候開始收藏的？
Ever since I was a kid, but, uh, I didn't really get serious until William Shatner's bladder infection.
從我小時候就開始了。但之前都是玩票性質(zhì)的，直到威廉?夏特納膀胱感染，我才開始認(rèn)真收藏。
What'd you get? What'd you get?
你又得到什么好處？快說說。
Well, he said it was a tribble. It could be a toupee, but either way, it's pretty cool.
他說那是《星際迷航》里的毛毛球。但其實也可能只是假發(fā)，反正不管是哪樣，都蠻酷的。
I I would love to see your collection.
我超想去看你的藏品。
Anytime. Uh, I've got some cool stuff. When I first started, I thought it would be a good way to meet women, but, well, you know...
隨時歡迎。我有一些很酷的收藏。我最初開始收藏時，我以為這會是結(jié)識女性的好方法。但結(jié)果...你們懂的。
Oh, yeah. Sure. Preach. Can I ask you a personal question? Sure.
我懂。當(dāng)然懂。太懂了。我能問你一個私人問題嗎？問吧。
Um, I mean, you're a guy like me, so how'd you get a girl like Penny?
你和我基本上是一類人，你是怎么追到佩妮這樣的漂亮妞的？
Oh, Well, you know, just...being myself, really.
這個嘛，就是...做自己，真的。
Oh, please! You know, I'll tell you how he did it. Implacable, relentless badgering.
少來！我來告訴他是怎么做到的。綿延不絕、 永無休止地糾纏。
In urology terms, he was a drug-resistant staph infection. And she was a urethra that could not shake him.
用泌尿?qū)W術(shù)語來說，他就像是耐藥性葡萄球菌，而她是擺脫不了葡萄球菌感染的尿道。
I don't know that I'd call myself an infection.
我可不會稱自己是一種感染。
A gallant man would defend his fiancee for being called a urethra.
英勇的男人會先為被稱為"尿道"的未婚妻辯護(hù)。
Can we please change the subject?
我們能換個話題嗎？
Hi! Well, that didn't go your way.
嗨！貌似天不遂人愿啊。
Dr. Lorvis, what are you doing here?
樂維斯醫(yī)生，你在這里做什么？
Uh, well, actually I came to see you. Really? Why?
其實我是來找你的。是嗎？為什么？
Ah, that's a good question. Apparently someone was being awfully flirty while not wearing their engagement ring, causing another someone to show up here thinking the first someone might be available.
這問題問在點子上了。貌似“某人”沒有戴訂婚戒而且整天跟人眉來眼去，所以招惹了“那人”來到這里。因為他以為某人還單身。
Oh, God. Don't make it so hard on her. Look, the first someone is the deceitful you. The second someone is the delightful Dr. Lorvis.
別說得這么復(fù)雜。“某人”指的是不忠的你。“那人”指的是可愛的樂維斯醫(yī)生。
Oh, this is very embarrassing. Dr. Lorvis, I am so sorry. I did not mean to lead you on.
這太尷尬了。樂維斯醫(yī)生，真的很抱歉。我不是故意讓你誤會的。
You touched my arm for two Mississippis.
你把手放在我的胳膊上有兩大秒呢。
That's why you were mumbling "Mississippi."
怪不得你嘴里叨念著幾大秒呢。
Can we talk in private? Please, yes. I'll be right back.
我們能借一步說話嗎？好的，走吧。我馬上就回來。
So what other celebrity genitalia have you handled?
你還經(jīng)手過哪些名人的生殖器？
So, uh, what's the deal? You take off your ring when you go to work?
怎么回事？你上班就不戴訂婚戒嗎？
What? No! No! I just put it on the other hand and...turn it around. Keep that hand in my pocket. Why?
什么？沒有這回事！我就是戴在另外一只手上...再把戒指轉(zhuǎn)個圈。然后把手放在口袋里。為什么？
Well, what do you mean why? Look, I make more sales if these doctors think I'm single. I did the same kind of thing as a waitress. The real question is, what is he doing in your apartment?
這有什么好奇怪的？如果醫(yī)生認(rèn)為我是單身，我就能賣得更多。我做服務(wù)員的時候也做過同樣的事。我想問的是，他在你的公寓里做什么？
Oh, he was upset. So Sheldon invited him in for a hot beverage.
他不高興，謝爾頓就請他進(jìn)屋喝熱飲。
You were okay with that? No. I got upset! And Sheldon made me a beverage, too.
你沒意見嗎？有，我也很不高興！然后謝爾頓也給了我一杯熱飲。
Okay, he just showed up at my door. Don't you think that's a little weird?
他突然出現(xiàn)在我門前，你不覺得有點奇怪嗎？
A little, but...he's basically harmless. He's actually kind of a nice guy.
是有點，不過他沒有惡意。他其實人挺好的。
Okay. Whatever, look, my company does not allow me to socialize with doctors outside of work. You got to get rid of him.
好吧。總之，我的公司不允許我私下和醫(yī)生有接觸。你得趕走他。
Why am I the one that has to get rid of him? I can't do it! He's my best client!
為什么要我去趕走他？我不能去！他是我最好的客戶！
All right, I'll get rid of him. But you owe me one.
好吧，我來趕走他。不過這次算你欠我的。
Hey, we're going to Oliver's house to see his collection. You want to go with us? Yeah, sure. You owe me.
我們要去奧利佛家欣賞他的收集品。你要和我們一起去嗎？好的。你欠我的。
Oh, my God! Leonard, I was wrong. Heaven does exist. And it's in the basement of a urologist's house in Sherman Oaks.
我的上帝啊！萊納德，我錯了。天堂真的存在，就在謝奧區(qū)一個泌尿科醫(yī)生的地下室里。
Welcome to my Fortress of Solitude. This is where I go to get away from...all my other solitude.
歡迎來到我的"孤獨堡壘"。這是我擺脫我其他孤獨的地方。
Oh, come on. It's a replica. Original.
這是復(fù)制品吧。原版。
Oh, I think I just cheated on my wife.
我想我剛背叛了我的妻（高潮了）。
The gun from Hellboy? Yup. How did you get it? Bought it at auction.
這是電影《地獄男爵》里的那把槍嗎？對。你怎么得到的？在一個拍賣上買回來的。
Oh, I was hoping for a juicy tidbit about Ron Perlman's testicles.
我還期望聽到男主角朗?普爾曼的蛋蛋奇聞呢。
Oliver! I'm going to play bingo! Okay, Mother. Have fun.
奧利佛！我要去玩賓果了！好的媽媽。玩得開心。
Still lives with his mom. Yikes, right?
還和他媽媽住在一起。真可憐，對吧？
Yeah, I'm not quite sure how to respond.
我不知道該如何回答。
Wow, Donkey Kong! This-this was my game when I was a kid!
大金剛！這是我小時候最愛的游戲！
Because it's a story of a pretty blonde girl tirelessly pursued by a small, oddly-shaped man?
因為這是一個美麗的金發(fā)女孩被一個畸形的矮小男人不停追逐的故事嗎？
No, because I liked it.
不是，因為我喜歡。
Well, now, don't get defensive. You're oddly-shaped, but you got the girl.
干嘛一說就炸毛。你是有點畸形，不過你追到女孩了啊。
So, I've noticed Leonard gets teased a lot about his relationship with Penny.
我注意到萊納德經(jīng)常因為和佩妮的感情被取笑。
Yes. If you'd like to join in, the premise is their love seems unlikely and doomed to failure.
是的。如果你也想加入我們笑他，我們一般以“愛得好蠢注定失敗”為開頭。
So, you think she'll be single soon?
所以你覺得她很快會單身嗎？
Oh, if you want to get in on the pool, you're too late...All the squares have been purchased.
如果你想加入那個陣營，一切都太晚了。那里已經(jīng)人滿為患。
Interesting. Excuse me, I have to take care of something.
有意思。抱歉，我還有點事要辦。
Leonard, as your friend I feel I should tell you something.
萊納德，身為你的朋友，有件事我必須要告訴你。
What? I'm still upset about that peanut sauce.
什么事？我還在氣那個花生醬的事。
Oh, could you hold the door? Nice flowers. Thank you.
請不要關(guān)門好嗎？好美的花。謝謝。
They're for a girl. Uh, I'm being implacable and relentless.
是送給一個姑娘的。我要綿延不絕永、無休止地糾纏她。
Isn't she lucky? She keeps sending me mixed signals. But I I think we both want the same thing.
那姑娘得多幸運啊？她給我的信號曖昧不明。但我...我想我倆追求的東西是一樣的。
What's that? Unconditional love.
追求什么？無條件的愛。
I guess that's all anybody wants. I guess so.
誰不想要這個呢。沒錯。
Well, I hope you get it. One Mississippi, two Mississippi.
祝你成功。一大秒 、兩大秒。
Next game, let's switch helmets. No, I'd look silly in that helmet.
下一局，我們換著頭盔玩吧。不要，我戴你那個頭盔好蠢。
I I can't take these.
我不能收你的花。
Well, why not? I mean, you want what I want. And we had two wonderful Mississippis.
為什么啊？你我追求的目標(biāo)一致。我倆一起擁有過美好的兩大秒時間。
But what about the other girl?
那另一個姑娘怎么辦？
Oh, right. I'll tell her we should just be friends.
好吧。我會告訴她只做朋友。
Dr. Lorvis? Penny, we should just be friends. Happy?
樂維斯醫(yī)生？佩妮，我們還是當(dāng)朋友吧。你高興了吧？
You think he bites? Stick your hand in there and find out.
你覺得這玩意會咬人嗎？把你的頭伸進(jìn)去試試看吧。
You fooled me with that goat at the petting zoo. You will not fool me again.
上次在動物樂園看山羊時你就騙過我。這次休想再騙到我。
I wonder where Dr. Lorvis is. He's been gone a while.
樂維斯醫(yī)生去哪兒了。他離開好一會兒了。
Maybe he's playing bingo with his mommy.
也許是在陪他媽咪玩賓果游戲吧。
It's sad how some guys can't cut the apron strings.
都成年了還這么粘父母，真可悲。
Okay, now you're messing with me. Uh, guys, we're locked in here.
你說這話在逗我吧。各位，我們被鎖這里了。
Oh, this day just keeps getting better!
今天的好事真是一件接一件啊！
So, you just left them alone playing games in your house?
所以你就把他們留在家里玩游戲嗎？
Well, they seemed happy and...I thought that would give me time for you and I to get to know each other better. That was before we met.
他們玩得挺開心的...這樣我們也有更多時間，能更深入了解彼此。這都是遇見你之前的事了。
We all have a past. Doc, you've got to see what you're doing is-is a little creepy.
誰人沒有過去呢。醫(yī)生，你要知道你的所作所為實在有點小嚇人。
You sound just like Sigourney Weaver when I followed her into a restroom.
我跟蹤西格妮?韋弗進(jìn)廁所時，她也說了同樣的話。
Okay, you can't just go chasing after every girl who's nice to you.
你不能一遇到對你好的姑娘就追著人家走。
Well, that's not what Sheldon says. And he seems to know his way around the ladies.
謝爾頓可不是這么說的，他這人看著挺會泡妞的啊。
Hey, Leonard. Guess who's back! Dr. Lorvis! Yeah. You care to join us? What? ! You locked them in your basement? !
萊納德，猜猜誰回來了？樂維斯醫(yī)生哦！你想和我們一起玩嗎？什么？！你把他們鎖在你的地下室里了？！
Well, they're, they're not locked in. The door just sticks.
他們沒有被鎖啊。門只是卡住了而已。
Okay, so how do they unstick it? They'd need the key.
好吧，那要怎么才能把門打開？必須用鑰匙。
Okay. Nope. That's it. We are gonna go over there right now. And you are going to let them out.
好吧。不對，夠了。我們馬上去你家。把他們放出來。
Three Mississippi, four Mississippi...Move it!
三大秒、 四大秒... 快走！
Oh, good, you're here. Amy, I am so sorry. That has to wait. This weirdo locked the guys up in his basement. What? !
太好了，你在這里。艾米，我真的很抱歉。那個等等再說，這瘋子把那幾個男生都鎖在他家地下室了。什么？！
She seems nice. Who's she? Just walk.
她人看著不錯，叫啥名啊？趕緊走。
You can do this. One ladder left! Oh-ho! Yeah! Yes! Next level!
你一定可以的。還剩一個梯子了！太好了！好耶！太棒了！下一關(guān)！
Leonard, are you okay? Better than okay. I am having the game of my life!
萊納德，你還好嗎？超級棒。我正處于游戲人生的最巔峰！
Dr. Lorvis, isn't there something you want to say?
樂維斯醫(yī)生，你不是有話要說嗎？
Yes. I'm very sorry for locking you in my home.
對哦。我很抱歉把你們鎖在我家里。
Yeah, that was very uncool. Get the hammer! Get the hammer! Got it.
沒錯，這也太不夠意思了。抓那個錘子！抓那個錘子！成了。
Okay, Leonard, let's go! J Just hang on!
好了，萊納德，我們回家吧！再等一下下！
Well, while we wait, would you like to see Tobey Maguire's prostate sonogram?
那個，你們等待的時候，想不想看看托比?馬奎爾的前列腺超聲波掃描？
Sure. Yeah. Oh, spoiler alert. Uh, he was worried about nothing. Yeah!
好吧。劇透一下。他完全是想太多。太棒啦！
