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You know, I've been thinking about time travel again.
我最近一直在想著時光旅行。
Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?
為什么，你又撞上看不見的路障了？
Put it on the back burner.
暫時先不說那個。
Anyway, it occurs to me if I ever did perfect a time machine,
我想到如果我發明了完美的時間機器，
I would just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.
我會回到過去把它送給自己，省得要自己發明它。
Interesting. Yeah, it really takes the pressure off.
有趣。是啊，讓我減壓不少。
Sounds like a breakthrough.
聽起來像是個大突破，
Should I call science magazine and tell them to hold the cover?
要我打電話給科學雜志讓他們留下頭版的位置嗎？
It's time travel, Leonard, I will have already done that.
這可是時間旅行，蘭納德，過去的我已經打過了。
Then I guess congratulations are in order.
那就等著祝賀你啦。
No, congratulations will have been in order.
不，過去的你已經祝賀過我了。
You know, I am not going to enjoy this party.
你知道我肯定在派對上不會開心的。
I know, I'm familiar with you.
我知道，我了解你。
The last department party, professor Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.
上次系里的派對芬克頓教授抓著我談了45分鐘的窯洞挖掘。
Yes, I was there.
我也在場。
You know what's interesting about caves, Leonard? What? Nothing.
你知道窯洞有什么好玩的嗎，蘭納德？什么？什么也沒有。
Well, then we'll avoid Finkleday, we'll meet the new department head, congratulate him, shake his hand and go.
那我們躲開芬克頓，我們會見到新的系主任，恭喜他，跟他握手然后就走。
How's this? Pleased to meet you, dr. Gablehauser.
這樣如何？見到你很高興，蓋博豪斯博士。
How fortunate for you that the university's chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you've done no original research in 25 years,
很幸運學校雇用了您，盡管您25年來都沒做出什么原創研究，
and instead have written a series of popular books, that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes,
而是寫了一系列暢銷書將科學這一偉大的概念降格為奇聞軼事，
each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.
每則故事都簡單到能在一次腸部運動的時間內看完。
Mahalo. Mahalo's a nice touch.
Mahalo。Mahalo是不錯的修飾。
You know there only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language? Interesting. You should lead with that.
你知道夏威夷語里只有8個輔音嗎？有趣，你就這么做開場白吧。
Oh, god, look at this buffet. I love America.
瞧瞧這自助餐。我愛美國。
You don't have buffets in india?
印度沒自助餐嗎？
Of course, but it's all indian food. You can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life. Shmear me.
當然有，但都是印度菜，在孟買你可找不到能救命的面包圈。給我涂點醬。
Well, here is an interesting turn of events.
事態的發展真是有趣。
What? Howard brought a date?
怎么了？霍華德帶了女伴？
A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazingly forward.
貌似更合理的解釋是他在機器人方面的研究取得了重大進展。
Hey, what up, science bitches?
怎樣，科學怪人們？
May I introduce my special lady friend Summer?
這位是我特別的女性朋友桑茉。
Howard, I told you touching is extra. Right. Sorry.
霍華德，告訴你，碰我要加錢的。好。抱歉。
Here comes our new boss. Be polite.
我們的新老板來了，禮貌點。
Hi, fellas. Eric Gablehauser. Howard Wolowitz. Howard, nice to meet you. And you are?
大家好，艾瑞克·蓋博豪斯。我是霍華德·沃勒維茨。霍華德，見到你很高興。你是？
An actual real scientist. How was that?
一個真正的科學家。這個開場白怎樣？
I can't believe he fired me.
我不敢相信他開除我了。
Well, you did call him a glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.
你說他是被捧出來的高中理科老師，還說他上一次成功的試驗是點燃了自己的屁。
In my defense, I prefaced that by saying, with all due respect.
讓我解釋一下，我開頭就說了“恕我直言”。
Morning. Morning. You're making eggs for breakfast?
早。早。今天早餐做雞蛋吃？
This isn't breakfast, this is an experiment.
這不是早餐，這是試驗。
Cause it looks a lot like breakfast.
但看起來很像早餐。
I finally have time to test my hypothesis about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins and its impact vis-a-vis taste.
我終于有時間驗證我的理論，從蛋白質中分離水分子以及它對口感的影響。
Sounds yummy. I look forward to your work with bacon. As do I.
聽起來真開胃。我很期待你配上熏肉后的成果。我也是。
You know, I'm sure if you just apologize to Gablehauser, he would give you your job back.
我相信只要你跟蓋博豪斯道歉，他會讓你回去工作的。
I don't want my job back.
我不想回去工作。
I've spent the past three and a half years staring at grease boards full of equations.
過去三年半時間我都在瞪著寫滿方程式的板子上。
Before that, I spent four years working on my thesis.
在那之前我花了四年時間寫論文。
Before that, I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade.
那之前我在上大學，而在大學之前我在上5年級。
This is my first day off in decades and I'm going to savor it.
這是我十幾年來第一次休息，我要好好享受。
Okay. I'll let you get back to fixing your eggs.
好吧，你回去弄你的雞蛋吧。
Not just fixing my eggs, I'm fixing everyone's eggs.
不只是我的雞蛋，弄的是全人類的蛋。
And we all thank you.
我們都感激你。
Use new eggs.
要用新鮮雞蛋
Hi. Hey, I'm running out to the market. Do you guys need anything?
嗨，我正要去超市，你們要帶什么嗎？
Oh, well, this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.
哦，這就是那些不熟悉數學規律的人會稱之為巧合的事件之一了。
I'm sorry? I need eggs. Four dozen should suffice.
你說什么？我要蛋，4打就夠了。
Four dozen? Yes, and evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free-range, large, extra large and jumbo.
4打？對，棕蛋、白蛋、走地雞蛋、大雞蛋、加大雞蛋、跟特大雞蛋各要8個。
Okay, one more time.
好，再說一次。
Never mind. You won't get it right.
算了，你肯定搞不對。
I'd better come with you. Oh, yay.
我最好跟你一起去。好呀。
How come you didn't go into work today?
你今天怎么沒去上班？
I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
我在休假，因為我不愿向平庸之流屈服。
So you got canned, huh?
這么說你給開除了？
Theoretical physicists do not get canned ... but yeah.
理論上說物理學家不會給開除……但你說對了。
Well, maybe it's all for the best. You know, I always say when one door closes, another one opens. No, it doesn't.
可能這樣最好，你知道，我總說一扇門關上了總會有另外一扇門打開的。不，不是的。
Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved.
除非兩扇門用繼電器連接而且還裝有傳感器。
No, no, I meant ... Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door.
不，我是說……或者一扇門關上時產生的空氣壓力作用于第二扇門引致……
Never mind. Slow down. Slow down. Please slow down!
算了。慢點。慢點。拜托慢點！
We're fine! You're not leaving yourself enough space between cars.
沒事啦！你跟車都不保持足夠的距離。我有啊！
Oh, sure, I am. No, no, let me do the math for you. This car weighs, let's say 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you ... 120?
不，我給你算算，就算這車重4000磅，我140磅，你120磅。120磅？
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you?
不好意思，我冒犯你了嗎？
Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth? Well, yeah.
你的體重跟自我價值有關系？當然。
Interesting. Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say 4,400 pounds. Let's say 4,390.
有趣。那么我們就算總重4400磅吧。算4390磅。
Fine. We're traveling forward at - good lord - 51 miles an hour.
好。目前時速是，老天啊，51英里/時，
Now let's assume that your brakes are new and the calipers are aligned.
現在假設你的剎車是新的卡鉗也是校準的。
Still by the time we come to a stop, we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us,
當我們停下時，我們占有的空間跟前面那輛別克是一樣的，
an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation ... oh, look, they built a new putt-putt course.
因此我們會在短時間內給壓成稀泥，死得很慘……哇，看，他們在鋪新的迷你高爾夫場地。
This is great. Look at me. I'm in the real world of ordinary people just living their ordinary, colorless workaday lives.
真好，看看我，我生活在普通人的平凡世界中，過著他們無趣平常的一天。
Thank you. No, thank you. And thank you, ordinary person.
謝謝。不，謝謝你。并且謝謝你，普通人。
Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?
你想知道關于番茄的趣聞不？
Uh, no, no, not really. Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?
不，不想。你不是要買雞蛋嗎？
Yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket.
對，但任何對細菌繁殖學稍有了解的人都會在出去結賬時才買冰柜里的食物。
Oh, okay, well, then maybe you should start heading on out then.
那好，那你現在就該準備出去了。
No, this is fun.
不，這樣很好玩啊。
Oh, the thing about tomatoes - and I think you'll really enjoy this - is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit.
關于番茄的事，我覺得你肯定會喜歡的，它們給擺在蔬菜欄里，但事實上卻是一種水果。
Oh, interesting. Isn't it?
真有意思。是吧？
No, I mean what you find enjoyable.
不，我指的是你覺得有趣的事情很有趣。
Oh, boy. What now?
天啊。又怎么了？
Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much.
服用維生素劑有一定價值，但人體能吸收的量是有限的，
What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.
你買的東西會變成昂貴的尿液配料。
Well, maybe that's what I was going for.
也許我就是要這個。
Well, then you'll want some manganese.
那你就買些錳。
Well, that was fun. Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.
剛剛很好玩呀，也許明天我們可以一起去那種倉儲式商店。
Oh, I don't know, sheldon. It's going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today.
我不知道，謝爾頓。我要花一段時間才能從今天度過的樂趣中恢復過來。
Are you sure? There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.
你確定？大宗采購有很多優勢呀，
For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one-month supply at a time.
比如說，我發現你一個月采購一次衛生棉條。
What? Think about it. It's a product that doesn't spoil and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years.
什么？想想啊，這是不會變質的產品，而且接下來你至少還要用30年。
You want me to buy 30 years worth of tampons?
你要我買30年份的衛生棉條？
Well, 30,35. When did your mother go into menopause? Okay.
30或35年，你母親什么時候絕經的？好了！
I'm not talking about this with you.
我才不跟你說這個。
Oh, Penny, this is a natural human process, and we're talking about statistically significant savings.
佩妮，這是人類自然發展的進程，而且能省下一大筆錢。
Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle and a 28-day cycle ... are you fairly regular?
假設你每周期用15個衛生棉條，28天一周期……你經期正常嗎？
Okay, no warehouse store, but we're still on for putt-putt golf, right?
好吧，不去倉儲式商店，但我們還是一起去迷你高爾夫吧？
Hey, I just ran into Penny. She seemed upset about something.
嘿！我剛碰到佩妮，她好像有點心煩。
I think it's her time of the month.
可能她大姨媽來了吧，
I marked the calendar for future reference.
我在日歷上做記錄以備參考。
What's with the fish?
魚是怎么回事？
It's an experiment.
是實驗呀。
What happened to your scrambled egg research?
你的炒蛋研究呢？
Oh, that was a dead end.
那是死路一條。
Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to be. So ... fish?
炒蛋就這樣啦。那……魚？
I read an article about japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought, hey,
我看到一篇文章，說日本科學家將發光水母的DNA注入到其他動物體內，我就想，對哦，
fishing night lights. Fish night lights? It's a billion-dollar idea.
夜光魚燈。夜光魚燈？這是個能發大財的主意。
Mum is the word.
沉默是金。
Sheldon, are you sure you don't want to just apologize to Gablehauser and get your job back?
謝爾頓，你確定不要跟蓋伯豪森道歉然后回去上班？
Oh, no, no, no, I have too much to do.
不不不，我有太多事情要做。
Like luminous fish. Sorry, I didn't ...
比如說發光魚。
That's just the beginning.
這只是個開頭，
I also have an idea for a bulk mail-order feminine hygiene company. Oh, glow-in-the-dark tampons!
我還有一個大宗女性護理用品郵購公司的設想，夜光衛生棉條！
Leonard, we're gonna be rich.
蘭納德我們會暴富。
