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So I'm in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle and guess who is the clue for three down?
我自己在家里填《肥皂劇文摘》的字謎游戲，你猜誰是縱三的字謎提示？
Three down, "Days of Our Lives star, blank Tribbiani." That's me! I'm blank!
縱三，"《我們的日子》，空格·崔比安尼"是我！我是空格！
How cool is this! We know three down. I'm touching three down.
太酷了，我們認識縱三。我在碰縱三。
Yeah, you are, baby.
沒錯，寶貝。
Three down knows I'm married. What's three down doing?
縱三知道我結婚了。縱三在做什么？
So did they call you to tell you your name's gonna be in this?
他們有通知你上了雜志嗎？
No. They really like me over there. They wanna do a big profile on me, but I said no.
沒有，他們雜志很喜歡我。想找我做人物專訪，我拒絕了。
Why'd you say no?
為什么？
Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them?
還記得我上次接受采訪的結果嗎？
I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft? So, who knows what I might say this time.
我說我自己寫了不少臺詞，編劇抓狂了，讓我的角色摔下了電梯間。誰知道這次我會說什么。
If only there was something in your head to control the things you say.
要是你腦子里有種東西能控制你說的每句話就好了。
Oh come on, Joey, you'll totally keep it in check this time.
少來了 這次你會表現得很好。
And plus, you know the publicity would be really good for your career. And you deserve that.
而且這種宣傳造勢對你的事業也很有幫助。這是你應得的。
And if you do the interview, you could mention, oh I don't know, "gal pal Rachel Green."
在專訪里，你可以提到"女性朋友瑞秋·格林"
Is that "gal pal" spelled L O S E R?
"女性朋友"的意思是失敗者嗎？
Okay, don't listen to him. Please?
好吧，別聽他的。拜托。
Fine! All right, I'll do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid.
好吧，我接受采訪。但你們都得坐在旁邊，我要是開始說蠢話，就及時阻止我。
Just then, or all the time? Because we have jobs, you know?
你只指專訪時還是一輩子？因為我們還得去上班。
Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember, gal pal, Rachel Green.
我們會一直在場的，但你得記住女性朋友瑞秋·格林。
Ha ha! I'm gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. Seriously, proud of you. Yeah.
我要上《肥皂劇文摘》了！不只是上那個愚蠢的字謎游戲。我真的以你為榮。 好吧。
I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
謝謝你抽空接受訪問。
Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
別客氣，我很樂意。
You think we're being obvious?
你們覺得我們做得很明顯嗎？
No. We're just four people with neck problems, who talk like this.
不，我們只是四個脖子有問題，說話不正常的人。
I think it's great that you wanted to meet here.
約在這里見面實在不錯。
You know when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they wanna go to a big fancy restaurant.
大多數人聽說餐費會由雜志社來買單，都會約到高級大餐廳。
Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying.
我真的不知道雜志社會買單。
Wouldn't've mattered, I'm doing this for the fans, not for the free food.
那不重要。我這么做是為了影迷，不是為了白吃。
Can I get you anything? I'll have a cup of coffee.
你們要點些什么？ 咖啡。
And I'll have all the muffins.
各種松餅統統來一份。
Hey! Shhh! We're not talking.
嗨。 我們不能說話。
Oh, finally. Oh.
終于可以不說話了。
So according to your bio, you've done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. Anything that you're particularly proud of?
根據你的個人資料，在《我們的日子》之前你做過很多工作。哪份工作尤其令你自豪？
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a shwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang.
你想要的只不過是個小弟，你所嫉妒的是男人的老二，它可以用來撒尿，時而拿來玩弄，時而讓其懸空搖擺。
Folks, has this ever happened to you? You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, and these darn cartons are so flingin' flangin' hard to open.
各位，你們遇到過這種情況嗎？你打開冰箱，想喝杯牛奶，但紙盒很難打開。
Boy, you said it, Mike.
天啊，你說得對，麥克。
There's gotta be a better way! And there is, Kevin!
一定有更棒的辦法！ 沒錯，凱文。
This is the first time he's ever used this product, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. Go ahead.
這是他第一次使用這樣產品，你們會看到使用方法有多簡單。來吧。
This works in any milk can'ton. It is easy.
這適用于所有牛奶紙盒。 確實簡單。
Now I can have milk every day.
現在我每天都能喝牛奶了。
So this is it, Victor?
就這樣了嗎，維克多？
Yeah, I guess it is. And so I'm gonna get on this spaceship and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels.
我猜是吧。所以我要搭上這艘太空船到巴拉根七號星尋找替代能源。
But when I return 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all.
但兩百年后我再回來你早已經不在。我卻一點都不會變老。
So you tell your great great granddaughter to look me up. Because, Adrian baby I'm gonna want to meet her.
你得要你的曾曾孫女來找我。因為，艾德莉恩寶貝，我想見見她。
Shh, Okay, here I come. Here I come. See I'm coming to fix the copier. I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking, "What do I do? What do I do?"
我出現了。我要來修復印機。我沒辦法靠近復印機。心想"我該怎么辦？"
So I just watch them have sex. And then I say...Wait, here's my line: You know, that's bad for the paper tray.
所以我就看著他們做愛。然后我說……等一下，我要說臺詞了你知道嗎，那樣會把紙匣弄壞。
Nice work my friend. Nice work, my friend. Thank you.
干得漂亮，朋友。 謝謝。
Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am...
等一下，我又出現了。等一下，那家伙的屁股擋到我了。我出現了，我出現了，我出現了。
Well, there are so many things, it's, you know hard to pick just one.
我做過太多工作，只選一個真的很難。
I'm gonna get some coffee, anyone want anything?
我要去買咖啡。你們需要什么東西嗎？
Oh yeah, I'd actually, I'd love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea.
我要藍莓松餅跟甘菊茶。
Double latte. Extra foam.
雙份拿鐵，多加奶泡。
And a bagel with only... I was just being polite.
我要百吉餅加…… 我只是禮貌性問一下。
Okay. How about when you're not working? What do you do in your spare time?
你不工作的時候呢？你在業余時間都做些什么？
Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
快看這個蠢貨。仗著自己的船大就以為整條河都是他的。
Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?
別擋路，混蛋！誰會把自己的船取名為"海岸警衛隊"呢？
That is the Coast Guard.
他們就是海岸警衛隊。
What are they doing out here? The coast is all the way over there!
他們在這里做什么？海岸在那邊。
Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
快看啊，太不可思議了。喬伊已經憋氣快四分鐘了。
Dude! What you you trying to kill me? !
哥們，你想害死我嗎？
Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
看來，今天你真的很忙。這項牛仔帽太過了吧？
Come on, it's fun!
來吧，真的很好玩！
All right. Isn't this a woman's hat?
好吧。這不是女人的帽子嗎？
Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea.
別說傻話了，快去幫我們泡荼。
You know what? We have to turn off the porn.
我們得把黃片關掉。
I think you're right.
你說得對。
All right, ready? One.
好吧，準備好了嗎？ 一。
Two. Three.
二。 三。
That's kind of nice.
感覺不錯。
Yeah, that's kind of a relief. Yeah.
我松了一口氣。 對。
You wanna see if we still have it? Yeah.
你想看看我們還能收到嗎？ 好啊。
Free porn! We have free porn here!
我們有免費的黃片看！
In my spare time, I read to the blind. And I'm also a mento for kids.
我在業余時間會念書給盲人聽。我還是孩子們的曼陀珠。
A mento? You know, a mento. A role model.
曼陀珠？ 曼陀珠，榜樣。
A mento? Right.
曼陀珠？ 對。
Like the candy?
你說的是糖果嗎？
Matter of fact, I do.
沒錯，我很喜歡。
Well umm, another thing that our readers always wanna know is how soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?
讀者一直都想知道肥皂劇明星是怎么保持健美身材的。你有健身妙方嗎？
We stars usually just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.
明星們會正確地飲食，伴以大量運動。
Wow! You realize that we've been throwing on this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?
你知道我們已經丟了一小時的球都一直沒掉嗎？
Are you serious?
真的嗎？
Yeah. I realized it about a half hour ago but I didn't want to say anything, 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
半小時前我就發現了，但我不想說出來，怕自己烏鴉嘴。
Wow, we are pretty good at this. Yeah.
我們真的很厲害。 對。
Hey, we totally forgot about lunch.
我們忘了吃午餐。
I think that's the first time I've ever missed a meal. My pants are a little loose.
這是我第一次忘了吃飯。我的褲子都松了。
What's wrong with you?
你怎么了？
Well, I I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, I've been unable to stand up since. But, I don't think it's anything serious.
我舉重的時候肚子突然痛得要命。后來我昏了過去。然后就一直站不起來了。但我覺得沒什么大問題。
This sounds like a hernia. You have to you you Go to the doctor!
聽起來像是疝氣，快去看醫生吧。
No way! Ok look, if I'm gonna go to the doctor for anything, it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach!
不行，如果我去看醫生就得把這玩意從我肚子里取出來。
Why did I have to start working out again? Damn you 15s!
我為什么要恢復健身的習慣呢？該死的15磅啞鈴！
What is it? A trifle. It's got all of these layers.
這是什么？ 松糕，有好幾層。
First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch.
先是一層手指餅干。然后一層果醬，然后是奶油凍，是我自己親手做的哦。
Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, beef sauteed with peas and onions. Then a little bit more custard.
黑莓、手指餅干、豌豆洋蔥燴牛肉。再加一層奶油凍。
That tastes like feet!
味道好像臭腳丫。
I like it.
我喜歡。
Are you kidding?
你開什么玩笑？
What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!
這有什么不好的？奶油凍，好吃。果醬，好吃。肉，好吃。
Well you you don't look good, Joe.
你的臉色不太好，喬伊。
Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.
冰箱壞了，我得把所有東西吃掉。
Cold cuts, ice cream, limes. Hey, what was in that brown jar?
冷盤、冰淇淋、酸橙。那個棕色罐子里裝了什么？
That's still in there? Not anymore.
還放在冰箱里呢？ 現在沒了。
Oh! Yay! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it!
這一塊沒有沾到地板。
Stick to your side. Hey, come on, now.
別越界。 少來了。
