Rachel: Ok, fine. Gunther, you know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why I'm a terrible waitress?

Because, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I don't care where the tray spot is, I just don't care, this is not what I wanna do.

So I don't think I should do it anymore. I'm gonna give you my weeks notice. What? !

Rachel: Gunther, I quit.

Chandler: Does this mean we're gonna have to start paying for coffee?

Ross:...and 12,22,18, four...What?

Chandler: I spelled out boobies.

Monica: Ross, put me down for another box of the mint treasures, ok? Where, where are the mint treasures?

Ross: Ah, we're out. I sold them all.

Monica: What?

Ross: Monica, I'm cutting you off.

Monica: No. No, just just a couple more boxes. It it it's no big deal, all right, I'm I'm cool. You gotta help me out with a couple more boxes!

Ross: Mon, look at yourself. You have cookie on your neck.

Monica: Oh God!

Chandler: So, how many you've sold so far? Uh, check this out. Five hundred and seventeen boxes!

Chandler: Oh my God, how did you do that?

Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as 'Laser Floyd' was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes!

That's when it occurred to me, the key to my success, 'the munchies.' So I ah, started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!'

Chandler: Okay, but l'm not going to call you that Okay.

Rachel: Okay, stop what you're doing, I need envelope stuffers, I need stamp lickers...

Ross: Oh hey, who did these resumes for ya? Me! On my computer.

Ross: Well you sure used a large font.

Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee house and cheer squad co captain only took up so much room.

Rachel: Hey hey hey that's funny! You're funny Chandler! You're a funny guy! You know what else is really funny? !

Chandler: Something else I might've said?

Rachel: I don't know, I don't know, weren't you the guy that told me to quit my job when I had absolutely nothing else to do? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! !

Ross: Sweetie, calm down, it's gonna be ok.

Rachel: No, it's not gonna be ok Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I don't have a lead.

Ok, you know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna call Gunther and I'm gonna tell him, I'm not quitting.

Chandler: You you you don't wanna give in to the fear.

Rachel: You and your stupid fear. I hate your fear. I would like to take you and your fear...

Joey: Hey! I got great news!

Chandler: Run, Joey! Run for your life!

Joey: What? Rach, hey listen, have you ever heard of Fortunata Fashions? No.

Joey: Well my old man is doing a plumbing job down there and he heard they have an opening. So, you want me to see if I can get you an interview?

Rachel: Oh my God! Yes, I would love that, oh, that is soo sweet, Joey.

Joey: Not a problem. And now for the great news.

Ross: What, that wasn't the great news?

Joey: Only if you think it's better than this snow in a can! ! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie?

Monica: Christmas cookie?

Joey: Ok, and ah, this one here is a Douglas fir, now it's a little more money, but you get a nicer smell.

Guy: Looks good. I'll take it.

Phoebe: Wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, you don't want that one. No, you can have this cool brown one.

Guy: It it it's almost dead!

Phoebe: Ok but that's why you have to buy it, so it can fulfill it's Christmas destiny, otherwise they're gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey.

Joey: All right. Yeah, the ah, trees that don't fulfill their Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper.

Guy: I I think I'm gonna look around a little bit more.

Joey: Pheebs, you gotta stop doing this, I working on commission here.

Monica: Hey, guys. I'm here to pick out my Christmas tree.

Phoebe: Well look no further, this one's yours! Ahhh.

Monica: Is this the one that I threw out last year?

Phoebe: All right you know what, never mind! Everybody wants to have a green one!

God. Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional, I guess it's just, The holidays are just hard.

Monica: Oh honey, is that 'cause your mom died around Christmas?

Phoebe: Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that.

Monica: Oh.

Ross: Hi there. How many ah, how many did you sell?

Girl: I'm not going to tell you! You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg.

Ross: Hey now! That was an accident, ok?

Girl: You're a big scrud.

Ross: What's a scrud?

Girl: Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud.

Ross: I don't have too. I can just look at you.

Leader: All right girls, and man. Let's see your final tallies. Ohhhh, Debbie, 321 boxes of cookies, Very nice.

Ross: Not nice enough.

Leader: Charla, 278. Sorry, dear, but still good.

Ross: Good for a scrud.

Leader: Oh, yes Elizabeth. Ah, 871.

Ross: That's crap! Sister Brown Bird. Good going.

Leader: Who's next?

Ross: Hi there!

Leader: Hi. And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller, 872. Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself.

Ross: Um, that is because my doctor says that I have a very serious...nougat...deficiency.

Chandler: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.

Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S.Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.

Chandler: Hey! How'd the interview go?

Rachel: Oh, I blew it. I wouldn't've even hired me.

Ross: Oh, come here. Come here sweetie, listen, you're gonna go on like a thousand interviews before you get a job. That's not how that was supposed to come out.

Phoebe: This just is the worst Christmas ever.

Chandler: You know what, Rach, maybe you should just, you know stay here at the coffee house.

Rachel: I can't! It's too late! Terry already hired that girl over there. Look at her, she's even got waitress experience. Last night she was teaching everybody how to make swans.

Chandler: Huh, seeing that drunk Santa wet himself, really perked up my Christmas.

Phoebe: Oh! Oh my God!

Joey and Merry Christmas! !

Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, you're the best!

Chandler: It's like 'Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.'

Rachel: Hello? Yeah, this is she. Oh! You're kidding! You're kidding! Oh thank you! I love you!

Chandler: Sure, everybody loves a kidder.

Rachel: I got the job!

Oh! That's great! Hey! Nice!

Phoebe: Oh, God bless us, everyone.

Rachel: Here we go. Serving my last cup of coffee. There you go. Enjoy.

Chandler: Should I tell her I ordered tea? Ross & No. No.

Rachel: Um, excuse me, everyone. Ah, this is my last night working here, and I ah, just wanted to say that I made some really good friends here, and ah, it's just time to move on.

Ah, and no offence to everybody who ah, still works here, but you have no idea how good it feels to say that as of this moment I will never have to make coffee again.

Rachel's Boss: Now Mr. Kaplan Sr. likes his coffee strong, so you're gonna use two bags instead of one, see.

Now pay attention, 'cause this part's tricky, see some people use filters just once.

Ross: I'm, I'm sorry you didn't get to go to space camp, and I'm hoping that maybe somehow, this may help make up for it. Ok?

Presenting Sarah Tuttle's Private Very Special Space Camp! !

Sarah: Really Mr. Geller, you don't have to do this.

Ross: Oh come on! Here we go! Stand by for mission countdown!

Joey: Ten, ten...nine, nine, nine...eight, eight, eight...Ok, Blast off!

Chandler: I'm an alien. I'm an alien.

Ross: Oh no! An asteroid!