評論
打印
Let me take a selfie?
讓我拍個自拍吧？
The funny thing is, people used to call me butt-ugly.
可笑的是過去人們叫我大丑女。
In my 7th-grade yearbook, I was literally voted "Most butt."
七年級的年鑒里，我被票選為最丑霉女。
So I took a lesson from Corynn McWatters, I blew out my curls and pushed up the girls, corrected my vision,
我效仿科琳·麥克沃特斯，吹起大波浪，擠出事業線，矯正視力，
stepped up my nutrition, traded likes for likes, and before long, I was instafamous.
改善營養，以贊換贊，沒過多久我就一躍成為網絡紅人。
I have 263,000 friends, followers...and instaquaintances.
我一共有263，000個好友 、粉絲以及Instagram好友。
Not to mention the love and respect of my coworkers, who happen to be on board.
更不用說同事們對我的愛與尊重，他們恰好也在同一航班上。
Got the upgrade, ladies. Don't be jelly, Linda.
姐升艙了，各位。不要羨慕嫉妒恨喲，琳達。
Is that one of ours?
她是咱們公司的嗎？
Eliza Dooley, our company's best-performing sales rep?
伊莉莎·杜麗，公司業績最佳的銷售代表？
Yeah.
沒錯。
She's our best sales rep?
她是最佳銷售代表？
That can't be true.
不可能吧。
That's the magic of the miniskirt...no one's immune, including Miller from legal, who happens to be...
超短裙的魔力，無人能擋，包括法律部的米勒，只是他...
Married, isn't he?
結婚了，對吧？
She hasn't picked up on that yet.
她還沒意識到這一點。
She's been a little too busy making sure her lipstick matches her thong.
她光忙著口紅要和丁字褲搭配了。
How do you know so much about her lipstick and her thong?
你怎么知道她口紅和丁字褲事情？
I follow her on instagram. Very classy.
我在Instagram上關注了她。非常美艷。
What is this, her breakfast?
這是她的早餐嗎？
See, this is exactly what I can't stand.
我就是受不了這些東西。
Social media is this...is this giant fingernail scratching this woman's itch for constant attention.
社交媒體就像是巨大的指甲，不斷撓著這個女人渴望被關注的癢。
Giant fingernail.
巨大的指甲。
Oh, look at me.
看啊，
Something good happened.
發生了好事，
blessed.
真好。
Oh, look at me.
快看啊，
Something bad happened.
發生了壞事，
still blessed.
依然很好。
I'm at the gym. gym flow.
我在健身房，#健身控。
I'm at work.workflow.
我在工作，工作控。
Oh, I'm standing near a baby.
我旁邊有個小寶寶，
baby flow, circle of life, blessed.
寶寶控。生命輪回，真好。
Your volume is really high right now.
你聲音有點大。
Why does her generation feel compelled to tweet every item that goes into their mouths, including Miller from marketing's...
為什么這一代人要把嘴巴碰過的東西都發到推特上，包括市場部米勒的…
Warm nuts?
熱堅果
Thanks.
謝謝。
