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Jason: So he moved out. That little no good, ungrateful...My son's gone. My first born. My
Name's sake, if we decided to go that way.
(Flashback)
Mike: I want to go to school here.
Maggie: Phillip Boynton State Teachers college.
Mike: Exactly.
Mike: Michael Seaver.
Man: Well Mr. Seaver, would you like to tell us a little about your most recent acting
experience?
Mike: Uh, well just yesterday I convinced my parents I'd given up acting.
Maggie: So you lied to us?
Mike: Uh hu.
Jason: So you never had any intention of going to Boynton?
Mike: You got it.
Jason: Here's the deal; you want that same rent. You want the Seaver meal plan? Then you've
got to study something. You've got to be a student. Study something anywhere, I don't care.
Mike: So you're saying that if I don't do what you say, you're making me move out?
Jason: No Mike. You're choosing to move out.
Mike: Why?
Jason: I don't know. You tell me. I like you living here.
Mike: Well me too dad. So what are we fighting about?
Jason: We're not fighting anymore. I want your decision in the morning.
(Back to present)
Maggie: Jason! Jason!
Jason: Yeah honey.
Maggie: Tell Mike to hurry up. His breakfast is getting cold. Come on kids. Breakfast.
Jason: (in his head) Oh boy, how am I going to tell Maggie? And look at her. All safe and
secure in her little pink robe. Whipping up eggs. God that's sexy. Stop. Stop. Now get back to
the problem. How am I going to tell her?
(Day dream one)
Maggie: Jason, what are you doing?
Jason: I'm hugging my gal. And it's not just because you're beautiful Maggie. It's because
together I know you and I can face anything. Even Mike moving out.
Maggie: Mike moved out! Oh you did it didn't you? You with your senseless babbling drove our
first born away.
Jason: Remember honey, the important thing here is that our love will survive. (Maggie shoots
him)
Jason: (In his head) You are making too much of this. She's an adult. She'll understand.
(Day dream two)
Jason: Maggie, you better put down that whip.
Maggie: Pardon me.
Jason: I have some terrible news. Mike has moved out.
Maggie: Oh, that's nice.
Jason: What, you're not upset?
Maggie: Heck no. We can have more kids. In fact I'm in the mood to start trying right now.
(Lies on table)
Jason: (In his head) Yeah right. What am I doing? I'll just go in and bite the bullet. Oh god.
Bullet.
Maggie: Tell Mike to get here soon, or his three minute egg is going to be hard boiled.
Jason: Well Mike won't be having breakfast this morning.
Maggie: You decided to starve him into submission?
Jason: He's gone Maggie.
Maggie: What?
Jason: Gone. Mike moved out. His car, his clothes, everything. He moved out to do that stupid
play.
Maggie: Oh, I can't believe it. It's just another one of his tricks.
Jason: Sweetheart, he took the toilet paper.
Maggie: My baby! But, but I thought you reason with him. I thought you worked everything
out.
Jason: So did I. And I hate to say this Maggie, but I got to blame you.
Maggie: Me! Wait a minute; you're the one that talked to him last night. Alone, secretly. And
you blame me?
Jason: That's right. Because when my sober reasoning didn't work, I tried your hard as nails
approach.
Maggie: What stupid hard as nails approach?
Jason: You know the ultimatum that you didn't have the guts to give him face to face.
Maggie: I would never corner him like that. Stay in school or get out.
Jason: Now I think we say why.
Maggie: I can't believe my babies gone. I'm going after him.
Jason: To where?
Maggie: New York.
Jason: How do you know he's in New York?
Maggie: Jason, you know what city he's in and you stand there in your robe like Hugh stinking
Heffner.
Jason: Maggie, come on. There's eight million people in that city. What am I supposed to do?
Maggie: Oh I don't know. I am just worried that my babies fallen into something terrible.
Mike: Thanks for putting me up for the night babe.
Girl: Any thing for you cowboy.
Mike: Boy I love acting!
Man: Mr. Seaver! Must you say that after every line?
Mike: Well she is saying some great stuff.
Man: Maybe if you'll shut up, she'll say more. Now get into that bed with that young woman.
Mike: Boy I love acting!
Maggie: Jason I feel so terrible. I never got the chance to tell him goodbye. Bye Mike. It was
fun raising you.
Jason: No it wasn't Maggie. It was a nightmare.
Maggie: Oh. So you're happy he's gone?
Jason: Not happy Maggie. I'm destroyed. I'm hurt. I'm at a loss here, but come on. I love that
no good irresponsible selfish hard headed lofty opportunistic, dangerous, out law of son.
Maggie: He is so cute when he lies.
Ben: Look. Mum, dad, I know what you're going to say, but I don't care. This is what all the
kids at school are wearing and if you ask me, I think it looks darn cool.
Jason: We have bigger problems Ben. Mike has moved out and gone to New York.
Maggie: Oh!
Stinky: My mother cried too when she saw me.
Ben: No Stinky. She's not crying about this. Mike moved to New York. We are talking window
of opportunity here. I have a theory that Mike's old apartment is about to become bens house
of pleasures.
(Ben's daydream)
Ben: Alright. Enough practice girls. Now who wants to be shirts and who wants to be skin?
Stinky: Alright!
Jason: Now honey look on the bright side. Mike might become rich and successful and never
need us again.
Maggie: Oh!
Carol: Can you believe this?
Jason: Carol, shouldn't you be catching a bus?
Carol: Yes I should. But just look at me.
Maggie: Not now Carol.
Carol: Oh, is this a bad time for your daughter to have a breakdown?
Jason: Yes. Mike has moved to New York and we are pretty upset.
Carol: Mike has moved to New York! Well isn't that nice. Here I am a Columbia student who
has to leave at seven am to make a ten o clock class. But do I live in New York? No. I have to
wait at a bus stop and get splashed with mud by a traveling salesman, who then parks his car
and offers to wipe me off without using his hands.
Jason: Carol, you better change; you are going to be late for class.
Maggie: So, what are we going to do about Mike?
Jason: Well I know we can't give in Maggie. I mean we can't just let him live here and be a
bum. I don't know what to do. Our only hope is that he comes to his senses.
Maggie: Then we have no hope.
