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Jason: Maggie, if we don't leave now we are going to miss the start of that movie.
Maggie: I don't care. I'm just going to see Mel Gibson.
Jason: Remember Mike, Chrissy's bedtime is...
Maggie: Right now.
Mike: Hey! you told me it was in an hour.
Chrissy: You guys go. We'll work it out.
Jason: see you. Hey, when you get Chrissy to bed, look into cleaning up that kitchen. And we
have a few light bulbs out on the front porch that could use changing. And remember that
floor sander up in the attic, if you...
Mike: Wow, wow. Dad, come on. I'm just babysitting here.
Jason: mike, you are being very well paid for the next four hours.
Mike: Well paid! Yeah, in Seaver credits.
Jason: Well if you don't do those chores, you are not going to get anything.
Chrissy: The light bulbs are changed.
Mike: Alright! Well then you just better get started on the kitchen.
Chrissy: I like it better when Carol baby-sits.
Mike: Hey now. Come on Chrissy. We can't begrudge her her yearly date.
Ben: Yo. Hey, are you babysitting?
Mike: Yeah.
Ben: I was talking to Chrissy.
Chrissy: I like that.
Mike: Ah, you're laughing hu?
Ben: Yeah.
Mike: Well, mum and dad left me some strict orders for you. They want you to get in there
and clean up the kitchen. And then, you know that floor sander in the attic? They want you to,
to uh, to uh..
Ben: To what?
Mike: Hey, if I were you pal, I'd stop asking questions and just get to it. Alright! I got the big
kid doing the chores and I got the little kid in bed.
Chrissy: I just wanted you to know, I'm a step ahead of you.
Mike: hey hey, com on in Eddie.
Eddie: Yo!
Eddie: So, Michael, what you got going this evening?
Mike: Well Eddie, I just happen to be babysitting.
Eddie: Ah. Then you wouldn't be interested in the promised land of available babes?
Mike: Wow, wow, wow. Eddie. What do you mean the promised land of available babes?
Eddie: Oh Michael, I have been to the mountain top and I have seen the other side. It is a
place filled with beautiful women, passionate women, hungry women. Michael, it's a place
where they treat men like red meat thrown into their cages.
Mike: Wait a minute, this isn't that place in New Jersey is it?
Eddie: Come on Mike. Let's go.
Mike: No, I can't. I told you Eddie, I'm babysitting.
Eddie: Ben's fourteen. He doesn't need a sitter.
Mike: No, no, no. Chrissy's here.
Eddie: Another reason Ben will be fine.
Mike: I cannot go out with you until I find some other sucker to baby-sit.
Carol: I don't care how long it's been since my last date. I refuse to go out with a guy who
burps hello.
Eddie: Hello.
Mike: Oh Eddie come on. Don't do that. Can't you see the girl is hurting here? I mean come
on. Why can't she find a decent guy who would appreciate her for the catch that she is?
Carol: Is that a fish joke?
Mike: No, I'm just saying that you are a decent person with great family values.
Carol: That's true.
Mike: Yeah and you are loyal to. You are the kind of girl who would drop everything just to
baby-sit your baby sister.
Carol: You bet I would.
Mike: See you.
Ben: And dad says I never do anything around here.
Mike: Eddie. Where the heck are we?
Eddie: heaven.
Mike: Eddie, who are these people?
Eddie: Parents without mates.
Mike: I'm leaving.
Eddie: Alright mike fine. More for me. See I don't know about you, but I'm just happy to find a
place where I can relax and be myself.
Lady: Edward, oh hi! How was Europe?
Eddie: Excellent.
Lady: Oh great.
Eddie: Here's a piece of the wall.
Lady: Oh thank you.
Eddie: I got it from the parking lot. She's so happy.
Mike: Eddie, look all I'm saying is that this is just not my idea...
Girl: Excuse me. Is this thirty six C?
Eddie: thirty six C.
Mike: yeah, yeah it is.
Leader: Alright Ladies and gentlemen. Shall we begin?
Eddie: See you Mike.
Mike: I think I may stay for a minute or two.
Leader: I see we have some newcomers this evening. Do you want to tell us your name and
how you became a single parent?
Mike and Girl: Oh see I...
Mike: I thought you…
Girl: I didn't know...
Mike: No please, ladies first.
Girl: This is all a little new to name. So if it's ok for everyone, I'd just like to listen for a while.
Leader: That is more than ok. Yes.
Mike: She didn't give her name.
Girl; I'm Rachel.
Everyone: Hi Rachel.
Mike: Great, I'm Mike.
Everyone: Hi Mike.
Lady 2: He said he loved kids, but when things started getting serious, he said "Natalie, I'm
gone".
Eddie: (Crying) Please, you're tearing me up.
Mike: I don't know. I just met him in the hall.
Leader: I see we are just about out of time, and I want to thank you all for coming this
evening. Goodnight.
Rachel: Thanks.
Mike: You're welcome.
Rachel: I'm really glad I came tonight.
Mike: Oh me too. Me too. I'm Mike.
Rachel: You've said that several times.
Mike: I just want to let you know it hasn't changed. Ah, so, uh, uh, you feel like going out?
Maybe getting something to eat?
Rachel: Me?
Mike: Yeah, I mean it's only nine thirty.
Rachel: What about my babysitter?
Mike: Oh, ok, but I'd rather go out with you.
Rachel: I have to cool off.
Mike: Oh what a coincidence. So cool out here.
Rachel: Boy, does this alley bring back memories for me. Oh, back in Veterinary High, this is
how me and my friends used to sneak into Al's.
Mike: Wow, wo, wait a minute. You went to Veterinary? I went to Dewey.
Rachel: Oh. Rivals.
Mike: I know. I know. Rachel:
Oh, this is going to sound dumb, but I feel like a carefree college kid tonight.
Mike: Yeah, yeah. I can be reminded of that too.
Rachel: Yeah, the last time I went dancing was Judith's third birthday. And it was the Hockey
Cokey.
Mike: Oh yeah. Who's Judith?
Rachel: Oh my daughter.
Mike: You have a daughter? Oh yeah right. I thought you dsaid you had a son.
Rachel: No, you have a son.
Mike: That's right. I do.
Rachel: For a minute there I forgot we both had kids.
Mike: And I want to thank you for reminding me.
Rachel: What's your son's name?
Mike: Ah it's Chrissy. Chris E Seaver.
Rachel: What does the E stand for?
Mike: Elvis. Uh, yeah see my ex wife was a really big fan. In fact she left me to go find him.
Just kidding.
Rachel: I wish I could laugh about my ex that way. Mike, I had a lovely time.
Mike: What do you mean had? Come on, it's only twelve thirty.
Rachel: Twelve thirty!
Mike: Yeah. What's wrong?
Rachel: I told my sitter I'd be home by eleven.
Mike: Just sneak in. Ah Rachel. When can I see you again?
Rachel: Um, are you going to the picnic tomorrow?
Mike: Ah, I've been planning on it for weeks. What picnic?
Rachel: The parents without mates picnic.
Mike: Oh right.
Rachel: You'll have a chance to meet my Judith and I can't wait to meet your Chris.
Mike: Neither can I.
Jason: And you didn't think Ben sanding away a quarter of an inch of linoleum floor was a little
odd?
Maggie: Carol, how could you let this happen?
Carol: Wait a minute. Who did you put in charge?
Jason: Mike.
Carol: And who sanded the floor?
Maggie: Ben.
Carol: So how did this become my fault?
Jason: Carol, you are the most dependable child we have. We rely on you. You rarely let us
down. That's why it's so disappointing when something like this happens.
Mike: See you guys. Chrissy and I are going to go to the park.
Carol: Oh great. He gets to go out and have fun and I get to sit here and be yelled at by you
two and I didn't even do anything.
Mike: Well that just may be the problem young lady.
Chrissy: How's that Mike?
Mike: No, no, no, no. Here, take the wheel. Alright, now who's your daddy?
Chrissy: You are dad.
Mike: There you do, alright, I got it. Alright, very good. Are you a boy or a girl?
Chrissy: Today I'm a boy.
Mike: Very very good. Now I want you to forget about the today part.
Chrissy: I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I'm a boy.
Mike: I hope I'm not doing serious damage here. Ok, there's only one more thing. Your
middle name is Elvis.
Chrissy: You mean the King?
