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TV: The Saturday sports spectacular continues with the national junior collegiate cheerleaders
quarter finals. Blonde division.
Ben: Alright!
TV: Don't touch that dial.
Ben: I ain't touching nothing.
Chrissy: What are you watching Ben?
Ben: Chrissy, do you have to eat your breakfast in here?
Carol: Yes she does. What are you watching?
Ben: Cartoons apparently.
Mike: Hey dad!
Carol: He's upstairs.
Mike: Hey Dad!
Carol: Must you yell?
Mike: How else is he going to hear me? Hey dad, if you want me to go to the gym with you,
I'm already. I didn't shower and everything.
Carol: He's in bed Mike.
Mike: What's he doing asleep? Its nine thirty.
Carol: I didn't say he was sleeping.
Mike: Oh! One of those Saturdays.
Ben: One of what Saturdays?
Mike: You know...
Carol: Mike, do you mind.
Chrissy: Like I haven't heard worse around here!
Ben: What are you guys talking about?
Mike: Hey Ben, go back to your cartoons.
Ben: They're not my cartoons. If it was up to me I'd be up to here in the blonde division. Now
what are mum and dad doing upstairs?
Mike: You seriously don't know? Come on Ben.
Carol: Chrissy.
Mike: We've met.
Carol: No, what we are talking about.
Mike: Look Ben, what do little horn balls your age think of every waking hour of their lives?
Chrissy: food.
Ben: Hey, she took my answer.
Carol: I think it's safe to let go of Chrissy's ears.
Ben: Its not food, what else ids there?
Mike: It makes you want to puke hu?
Ben: So stupid.
Chrissy: So he knows too.
Mike: You know dad. This is what life is all about. Sweating with your father.
Jason: It took me a year to get you here.
Mike: You wait. It sure won't be a year until I come back.
Jason: What are you after Mike?
Mike: Come on. You honestly think I'm saying all this just to hit you up for a few dollars?
Jason: How few?
Mike: Two hundred. Eddie and I want to go in on a beach house.
Jason: Where?
Mike: Well, it kind of depends on how this goes.
Jason: You are nowhere near the sand Mike.
Mike: Wow! Wow!
Lady: Hey Jase. Look at you!
Jason: I'd rather look at you Gretchen.
Gretchen: You are really coming along.
Jason: Thank you. Thank you.
Gretchen: Your chest looks strong.
Jason: Yeah, want to see it dance.
Gretchen: You are really firming up.
Jason: Well hello there.
Gretchen: I'll see you later.
Jason: See you.
Mike: Alright dad.
Jason: What.
Mike: That was a woman.
Jason: No.
Mike: And she was actually coming on to you.
Jason: It happens occasionally.
Mike: And you were coming on to her.
Jason: Come on. Are you kidding. I barely noticed she was attractive.
Mike: Oh come on dad. You do exactly what I do with women. Only not so well.
Jason: I don't know what you are talking about Mike. I was just being nice to her.
Mike: Nice! Dad you were flirting. And you're a married man.
Jason: Since when did being married mean that you can't talk to a woman.
Mike: Dad, I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is that for just two hundred dollars, mum may
never need to answer that question.
Jason: Mike, Mike. You have no idea what a worthwhile relationship is all about.
Mike: One seventy-five?
Jason: For your information, not only would your mother not mind if a young lady and I shot
the breeze, but it is my opinion, and this is my professional gut instinct, my guess is that your
mother would think it's kind of cute.
Mike: Cute!
Jason: Yeah cute. Cos what happens you see, is that when your mother sees me, you know...
Mike: Shooting the breeze.
Jason: Shooting the breeze, with another woman, it reminds her that I belong to her and she
has something of value.
Mike: One fifteen this never happened.
Maggie: Ben.
Ben: Yes.
Maggie: Ben, you are supposed to be entertaining Chrissy.
Ben: I am.
Chrissy: Ben, the commercial's over. You are missing a blonde pyramid.
Ben: Its ok, I'm taping it.
Maggie: Is anything wrong?
Ben: No.
Maggie: Did you want to talk about something?
Ben: Did you want to talk to me about something?
Maggie: Ben do you have a problem? You look more lost and confused than usual.
Ben: Let's just say I'm stunned.
Maggie: About what?
Ben: Nothing I can talk to you about. I need my space.
Maggie: Well ok. Well whenever you want to talk about whatever's on your mind, I'm
available.
Ben: That's what I hear.
Maggie: Ben, Ben. Come here. You know honey, you can ask me anything. I was once your
age. I was once a confused kid with bad skin too.
Ben: What's wrong with my skin?
Maggie: oh nothing sweetheart. I just meant that I'm human.
Ben: Human. She's human! Since when? She's human. So is dad. They have needs. They take
their pants off one leg at a time. Parents are people!
Carol: Ben, how dare you have our little sister watch a blonde pyramid. Oh and now you hit
me on the head with a banana. How did you do that?
Maggie: Oh Chrissy!
Chrissy: I didn't do it.
Maggie: Ben, I thought you were supposed to be watching your sister.
Ben: I am.
Mike: Dad, I just want to know why you weren't as nice to the towel guy as you were to the
juice bunny.
Jason: Ok, ok. Alright. I admit. Maybe I was a little nicer to the juice girl than I was to the
towel guy. I don't think your mother would mind that I'm a little nice to people who are a little
nice to me. Nough said.
Mike: Like mum's dumb enough to buy that.
Maggie: Like mums dumb enough to buy what?
Chrissy: Hi daddy.
Jason: Hi sweetheart. Isn't that a bit too much make up?
Maggie: Don't change the subject. Mum's not dumb enough to buy what.
Jason: I'm glad you're here Maggie. I need you to help me demonstrate something to the boy.
Maggie: Ok.
Jason: It seems that Mike here, has the mistaken impression that you, as a woman would be
upset if I, as a man, were to speak to another woman.
Mike: Speak! Ha ha.
Maggie: Pardon me?
Jason: Nothing honey. Come on. All we did was talk.
Maggie: Who?
Mike: Well apparently she likes to talk with her hands.
Maggie: Who?
Jason: Come on. She merely patted my stomach and tapped my chest.
Mike: And grabbed your butt.
Maggie: Who are you talking about?
Mike and Jason: Gretchen.
Maggie: Oh Gretchen. Who in the hell is Gretchen, and where did she grab you again?
Jason: In the gym. Mike has the mistaken impression that you as a woman would be upset if
me, as a man...
Maggie: Jason, just tell me what you are trying to say?
Mike: Yeah dad. I'd kind of like to hear how you explain this babe too.
Jason: Let's not be chauvinistic here. A babe did not grab me Mike. A woman.
Maggie: What?
Mike: And to think we could have avoided all this ugliness.
Jason: It's not fair. Now all I did was to be nice to her.
Maggie: How nice?
Jason: Let me put it this way. I was basically the same to the towel guy.
Mike: Come on dad. The towel guy didn't pat you on the behind.
Jason: He could have. Nobody was stopping him.
Maggie: now, now wait a minute.
Jason: It's very simple. I was just as a man, to a woman...
Maggie: Not you Jason. Mike?
Mike: Mum, this babe goosed dad.
Jason: Oh, that's such an exaggeration. It was so innocent. And it all developed out of a
conversation about my body.
Maggie: Ha ha ha. And I bet your dad went "well hello there".
Jason: You know me too well Maggie.
Maggie: Yes I sure do honey.
Mike: You really don't mind, do you?
Jason: And hope that one day you will have a mature relationship like your mum and me do.
Mike: Well I don't. I think this is kind of sick. Mum, if I had a husband and he was flirting
around with other women, I would be pretty upset.
Jason: So would we.
Mike: Mum, how can you think this is cute?
Maggie: Pardon me?
Mike: Yes, dad thinks that you think it's cute when he flirts with other women because it
makes you feel like a lucky doll. How dad, why don't you give mum a real hoot and take this
babe out for a spin?
Jason: Boy, he's got a lot to learn, hu?
