(Audition)
Man: Next! Number 83
Mike: Yo. Number 83. My friends call me eighty.
Man: I'm sure they do.
Mike: Michael Seaver.
Man: Well Mr. Seaver. Would you like to tell us a little bit about your most recent acting
experience?
Mike: Uh, well just yesterday I convinced my parents I'd given up acting.
Carol: Do you have any idea how long my commute home was?
Ben: No. Don't care.
Carol: Well I'll tell you anyway.
Chrissy: Carol, Carol, Carol. You want to play with me?
Carol: Not now Chrissy. I had a really rough day at school.
Chrissy: Well you should have been at my pre-school. It took two janitors, three buckets of
sawdust, and Mrs. Orbow still slid across the floor.
Carol: I'm really tired. Later ok.
Chrissy: Mike's right. She is no fun.
Carol: One hour forty seven minutes, fifty five seconds, door to door.
Ben: Hu?
Carol: My commute. Haven't you been listening? I had to take three trains today.
Ben: Which one ran into your face?
Carol: Ben, if by some miracle you one day get into college on, say a circus scholarship, head
my warning; This is more work, harder work than I have ever done in my entire life. But do
you know what has been the toughest thing about this whole week? Nobody in this family
seems to give a darn.
Ben: Oh, are you still here?
Carol: Good old Carol will bare any cross. Any burden and everybody around here acts like it's
expected. When all Mike has to do is jump into the house and say "Great news everyone" and
everyone in this house stops what they are doing.
Mike: Great news everybody!
Maggie: What is it Mike.
Jason: Hey. Alright. Great news?
Carol: If you will all excuse me, Chrissy had an interesting vomit story.
Maggie: So, what's you news Mike?
Mike: Are you ready for this? Your eldest and your favorite, today just got an actual part on an
actual off Broadway play. A real job.
Jason: Hey!
Mike: And the pay is, get this, two hundred and fifty dollars a week.
Maggie: Alright.
Ben: You'll be rich and famous.
Maggie: This is wonderful, and you won't have to give up your dreams.
Mike: No.
Jason: Rehearsals won't conflict with class?
Mike: No. No conflict what so ever.
Jason: Hey. When do you rehearse?
Jason: Five days a week. Eight hours a day.
Maggie: So what happened to your State Teachers College?
Mike: I'm not going.
Maggie: Well what about your application and everything?
Mike: I still got it.
Jason: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Exactly what's going on Mike?
Mike: Oh, oh. Well, yeah. There's a perfectly good explanation for why I didn't follow through
with what I told you guys yesterday.
Jason: And that is?
Mike: I lied.
Ben: Wow!
Maggie: So you lied to us?
Mike: Uh hu.
Jason: So you never had any intention of going to Boynton?
Mike: You got it. I mean, wouldn't you guys have been upset if I'd have told you that
yesterday?
Jason: So this whole story is bogus?
Mike: Totally. Man, you guys should see the looks on your faces.
Jason: So you looked me right in the eyes and you lied?
Mike: No. Not once, if you may recall, did I ever look you in the eyes.
Jason: I feel...I'm so betrayed.
Mike: Betrayed! Dad, I got a part.
Jason: Raaaa!
Maggie: Jason.

Maggie: Kids, I'm going out to look for your father.
Ben: Shouldn't be too hard to find him. He's carrying a door.
Jason: Hi honey.
Maggie: Jason, I have been worried sick about you.
Jason: Why?
Maggie: Well you've been wandering around town for three hours, carrying a door.
Jason: What, I'm supposed to leave it somewhere?
Maggie: Honey, where are you going?
Jason: To apologize to Mike.
Maggie: Apologize! For what? He's the one who lied to us.
Jason: Well I shouldn't have lost my temper Maggie. If ever there was a time for reason, that
was it.
Maggie: Jason, you are not going to apologize to anyone. This is a time to get tough. This is a
time to forget reasoning. Remember, we are the parents. We are in charge. Let's just tell him
that if he doesn't go to school, all the freebies stop.
Jason: You're right. I'm going to bed.
Maggie: Good. Honey, the bedroom's this way.
Jason: We're going to get a bite to eat.
Mike: Yep.
Jason: Its dad.
Mike: Uh, what do you want?
Jason: The doors locked.
Mike: Uh hu.
Jason: Well Mike, open up.
Mike: Uh, you're not mad anymore?
Jason: No, in fact I feel real bad about it and I want to apologize.
Mike: Ok, go ahead.
Jason: I'd like to do it face to face Mike.
Jason: Mike, open this door or I'll rip it off. Look,
Mike: Dad, I've been going through the Boynton catalogue here, and you know if I pick up
some weekend courses, I can probably get my teaching degree in about twelve years.
Jason: Mike, you don't have to put on any act with me. Alright. I wanted to finish the
conversation we should have finished earlier before I lost my temper. I want to get to the
heart of this. The meat. The very matter.
Mike: You're going to hit me aren't you?
Jason: Come on. Where's that list you had yesterday? I want to go over some of your reasons
for why you should stay in school.
Mike: Uh, uh, I lost it.
Jason: Its right here. This is a Xerox of my list. Mike, you routed through your mothers
underwear drawer!
Mike: Yeah, well you've been in my sock drawer.
Jason: Well it's hardly the same thing.
Mike: Tell that to Ben.
Jason: Can we just stick to the reason I came in here.
Mike: Right. You were going to apologize.
Jason: Mike, what you did, you, you, you lied to me.
Mike: Apology accepted. Goodnight.
Jason: Mike, you don't understand something. I am not trying to make you suffer.
Mike: Well then you've got to understand something. I've got things that I want to do.
Jason: Ok. Answer me this Mike. Do you really think it's a good idea to go off and pursue your
acting bug, without a college degree? Is that practical?
Mike: No, it isn't.
Jason: Ok, we're getting somewhere.
Mike: I don't need to be practical dad. I've got talent. Ok. And besides, it is not a bug. I think
that is part of the problem we have here. When I'm interested in doing something it's a bug,
and when Carol's interested you call it an aspiration.
Jason: You keep your sisters aspirations out of it. Now I'm just trying to be reasonable Mike.
Mike: No, you're not dad. You're just trying to talk me into doing what you want me to do,
because you want me to do it. But dad, I am twenty years old. Ok. I am old enough to vote.
To die for my country, and if I so desire, to have a beer in Porto Rico.

Jason: Well I can see how serious you are about this acting thing.
Mike: Oh, first it a bug, now it's a thing. Come on dad. Why don't you just call it what it is.
Jason: Ok, Mike I know what it is. It's a sickness Mike. I mean its one job you got, for two
hundred and fifty bucks for what? A week, a month, a year, and then what? You'll come
running, you'll....You are far too emotional here.
Mike: Well how is a guy supposed to react when his dad squishes his dream like a bug?
Jason: Ha ha. So we admit it's a bug. You know it's probably a bad idea to discuss this right
now. Lets just wait and we'll do it in the morning.
Mike: Fine. I'll talk about it in the morning dad. But things are not going to change.
Jason: Mike, you know you are making this real tough on me.
Mike: Dad, It's no picnic for me either. I have got a rehearsal tomorrow at nine.
Jason: Well maybe you just won't go to that rehearsal Mike. I mean maybe this, maybe
there's a middle ground for us. I mean we've been through a lot of stuff together. Why can't
we just find a compromise?
Mike: Well I would sure like to.
Jason: Alright. What sounds fair to you?
Mike: Ok, I think that I should quit school and take the acting job.
Jason: Ha ha. How's that a compromise?
Mike: You can still yell at me.
Jason: I'll tell you what a compromise is. A compromise is you go to school and you do your
plays at the weekend.
Mike: Dad, plays don't work that way.
Jason: Well they can for a couple of years.
Mike: Dad, there is going to be no compromise ok. I am going to do what I want to do, and
you are just going to have to live with that.
Jason: Ok Mike. Here's the deal. You want to same rent, you want the same meal plan, then
you've got to study something. You've got to be a student. Study anything anywhere. I don't
care. I hear in California now they've got a school for game show hosts.
Mike: What Alex Trebec Tech?
Jason: I'm serious.
Mike: So you're saying if I don't do what you say, you're making me move out?
Jason: No Mike, you're choosing to move out.
Mike: Why?
Jason: I don't know, you tell me. I like you living here.
Mike: Well me too dad. So what are we fighting about?
Jason: We're not fighting anymore. I want your decision in the morning.
Maggie: You're up early.
Jason: I've got doors to hang.
Maggie: Doors plural? Did you talk to Mike after you said you wouldn't?
Jason: I happened to run into him last night.
Maggie: Was this about the time you were rattling dishes in the kitchen?
Jason: Later.
Maggie: And?
Jason: And what?
Maggie: And he owns the house and you're his handyman?
Carol: The reason I'm leaving so early is so hopefully I can make it into Manhattan in under
two hours. If anybody cares.
Maggie: Have a good day sweetheart.
Jason: Ditto.
Carol: Mum, may I borrow your mace? I used all mine up yesterday.
Maggie: Sure honey. Jason, what happened?
Jason: Well we just had a little talk and I think I got through to him.
Maggie: You do? Really?
Jason: Uh hu. Really.
Maggie: Well maybe it is a good thing you talked to him. If I'd gone up there I probably would
have lost my temper and given him some stupid ultimatum.
Jason: I'm going to go get the newspaper. Hey Mike. Can I hang that door for you? Mike?

Radio: Everybody's talking at me. I don't hear a word they're saying. Only the echoes of my
mind. People stop and stare. I can't see their faces. Only the shadows of their eyes. I'm going
where the sun keeps shining. Through the pouring rain.