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I have come this way before, Jaime reflected a few miles further on, when they passed a deserted mill beside the lake.
這條路我走過，不出幾里，望著湖邊一座荒蕪的磨坊，詹姆反應(yīng)過來。
Weeds now grew where once the miller’s daughter had smiled shyly at him, and the miller himself had shouted out,
當(dāng)年那個磨坊小妹朝我羞赧微笑的地方，如今青草長得老高，他仿佛還聽見磨坊主的叫喊：
“The tourney’s back the other way, ser.”
“這邊是去比武大會的路，爵士先生！”
As if I had not known.
當(dāng)我是個孩子似的。
King Aerys made a great show of Jaime’s investiture.
伊里斯國王為他舉辦了一場盛大的授職儀式。
He said his vows before the king’s pavilion, kneeling on the green grass in white armor while half the realm looked on.
他穿著白色鱗甲，跪在國王帳前的青草地上，宣誓守護(hù)他的君主。全天下的人注目觀瞻。
When Ser Gerold Hightower raised him up and put the white cloak about his shoulders,
當(dāng)奧斯威爾·河安爵士扶他起身，杰洛·海塔爾爵士親自為他系上御林鐵衛(wèi)的雪白披風(fēng)時，
a roar went up that Jaime still remembered, all these years later.
響徹云霄的歡呼，至今聲猶在耳。
But that very night Aerys had turned sour, declaring that he had no need of seven Kingsguard here at Harrenhal.
但那天夜里，伊里斯翻了臉，宣布自己無需七名鐵衛(wèi)的守護(hù)，
Jaime was commanded to return to King’s Landing to guard the queen and little Prince Viserys, who’d remained behind.
命詹姆趕回君臨去照顧王后和小王子韋賽里斯。
Even when the White Bull offered to take that duty himself, so Jaime might compete in Lord Whent’s tourney, Aerys had refused.
白牛自告奮勇地要求代他前往，以便他繼續(xù)參加河安大人的比武會，卻被伊里斯一口回絕。
“He’ll win no glory here,” the king had said.
“他不會取得任何榮耀，”國王說，
“He’s mine now, not Tywin’s.
“他是我的人，再不屬于泰溫。
He’ll serve as I see fit.
我叫他怎樣，他就得怎樣。
I am the king.
我是國王。
I rule, and he’ll obey.”
我下令，他服從。”
That was the first time that Jaime understood.
這時，詹姆方才醒悟：
It was not his skill with sword and lance that had won him his white cloak,
為他贏得白袍的既非武藝和技能，
nor any feats of valor he’d performed against the Kingswood Brotherhood.
亦非清剿御林兄弟會時的英勇。
Aerys had chosen him to spite his father, to rob Lord Tywin of his heir.
伊里斯看中他只為了侮辱他父親，只為了剝奪泰溫公爵的繼承人。
Even now, all these years later, the thought was bitter.
即使到現(xiàn)在，過去這么多年，想起那段時光，依舊讓他痛苦。
And that day, as he’d ridden south in his new white cloak to guard an empty castle, it had been almost too much to stomach.
那天晚上，穿著嶄新的白袍，騎著優(yōu)良的駿馬，連夜南下，去往一個空空如也的城堡。少年熱血，壯志難酬。
He would have ripped the cloak off then and there if he could have, but it was too late.
他不止一次想把白袍脫下，高掛枝頭，一走了之。但已經(jīng)太遲了。
He had said the words whilst half the realm looked on, and a Kingsguard served for life.
他向著全天下發(fā)過誓，御林鐵衛(wèi)是要終身不渝的。
Qyburn fell in beside him.
科本靠過來，
“Is your hand troubling you?”
“您手不舒服？”
“The lack of my hand is troubling me.”
“我缺了手才不舒服。”
The mornings were the hardest.
每個黎明都很難受，
In his dreams Jaime was a whole man, and each dawn he would lie half-awake and feel his fingers move.
因為在夢中，詹姆總是回復(fù)完人。半夢半醒間，他能感覺到手指的抽搐。
It was a nightmare, some part of him would whisper, refusing to believe even now, only a nightmare.
這只是一場噩夢，內(nèi)心的一部分喃喃自語，始終不肯屈服，一場噩夢。
But then he would open his eyes.
夢，總是要醒的。
“I understand you had a visitor last night,” said Qyburn.
“昨晚的訪客，”科本說，
“I trust that you enjoyed her?”
“您還喜歡么？”
Jaime gave him a cool look.
詹姆冷冷地掃了他一眼，
“She did not say who sent her.”
“你安排的？”
The maester smiled modestly.
學(xué)士謹(jǐn)慎地笑道：
“Your fever was largely gone, and I thought you might enjoy a bit of exercise.
“見您高燒退了不少，我猜您或許想來點小運動。
Pia is quite skilled, would you not agree?
皮雅技術(shù)很不錯，對嗎？
And so … willing.”
而且她……懷有渴望。”
She had been that, certainly.
是的。她溜進(jìn)房間，
She had slipped in his door and out of her clothes so quickly that Jaime had thought he was still dreaming.
飛快地脫個精光，詹姆還以為是又一場夢。
It hadn’t been until the woman slid in under his blankets and put his good hand on her breast that he roused.
直到女人滑進(jìn)毯子，將他左手放到她乳房上，他才終于興奮起來。
She was a pretty little thing, too.
好個可愛的小尤物。
“I was a slip of a girl when you came for Lord Whent’s tourney and the king gave you your cloak,” she confessed.
“你來這里參加河安大人的比武大會，并接受國王陛下的授職時，我還是個女孩，”她對他傾訴，
“You were so handsome all in white, and everyone said what a brave knight you were.
“你好英俊，一襲白衣，大家都說你是最勇敢的騎士。
Sometimes when I’m with some man, I close my eyes and pretend it’s you on top of me, with your smooth skin and gold curls.
后來我和許多男人睡過，每次都閉上眼睛，假裝那是你，假裝他們有你柔軟的皮膚和金黃的卷發(fā)。
I never truly thought I’d have you, though.”
可是……可是我從沒想過，居然能真的和你在一起。”
Sending her away had not been easy after that, but Jaime had done it all the same.
經(jīng)過這番表白，要把她趕開真的很難，但詹姆強(qiáng)迫自己去完成。
I have a woman, he reminded himself.
我這輩子沒睡過別的女人，他提醒自己。
“Do you send girls to everyone you leech?” he asked Qyburn.
“你替人放血后都派女孩去‘拜訪’嗎？”他問科本。
“More often Lord Vargo sends them to me.
“不，瓦格大人經(jīng)常把女孩派來我這兒。
He likes me to examine them, before …
他要我先檢查，自從那回……
well, suffice it to say that once he loved unwisely, and he has no wish to do so again.
頭腦發(fā)熱喜歡上其中一個之后，他就再也不想來第二次。
But have no fear, Pia is quite healthy.
不過您放心，皮雅相當(dāng)健康，
As is your maid of Tarth.”
您的塔斯女人也一樣。”
Jaime gave him a sharp look.
詹姆銳利地望著他，
“Brienne?”
“布蕾妮？”
“Yes.
“對，
A strong girl, that one.
那個壯女人，
And her maidenhead is still intact.
她的膜還沒破。
As of last night, at least.”
至少昨天晚上還沒破。”
Qyburn gave a chuckle.
科本忍俊不禁。
