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You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.
你知道這個（結果）。我能告訴你關于恥辱的很多東西，但那樣我就得占用別人的時間了。
But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.
但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底--這也許是我在從事研究的數十年中學到的最重要的東西。
My one year turned into six years: Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.
我預計的一年變成了六年，成千上萬的故事，成百上千個采訪，焦點集中。
At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years.
有時人們發給我期刊報道，發給我他們的故事--不計其數的數據，就在這六年中。
And I kind of got a handle on it. I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.
我大概掌握了它。我大概理解了這就是恥辱，這就是它的運作方式。
I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay --
我寫了本書，我出版了一個理論，但總覺得哪里不對勁--
and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness --
它其實是，如果我粗略地把我采訪過的人分成具有自我價值感的人--
that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --
說到底就是自我價值感--他們勇于去愛并且擁有強烈的歸屬感--
and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人，總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。
There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.
區分那些敢于去愛并擁有強烈歸屬感的人，和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個。
And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.
那就是，那些敢于去愛并擁有強烈歸屬感的人，相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。就這么簡單。
They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,
他們相信自己的價值。而對于我，那個阻礙人與人之間關系的最困難的部分，是我們對于自己不值得享有這種關系的恐懼，
was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.
無論從個人，還是職業上，我都覺得我有必要去更深入地了解它。
So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.
所以接下來，我找出所有的采訪記錄，找出那些體現自我價值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄，集中研究它們。
