評論
打印
Well, he said, "Can't we try a course of electroshock therapy?"
“難道我們不能嘗試一下點擊療法嗎？”
And you know why they agreed? They agreed to humor him.
你知道他們為什么同意了？他們不想和他爭執。
They just thought, "Well, we'll give a course of 10.
他們想，就試10次電療吧。
And so we'll lose a little time. Big deal. It doesn't make any difference."
我們只是浪費點時間。反正也沒有什么區別。
So they gave the course of 10,
所以他們給我進行了10個療程的電擊療法，
and the first -- the usual course, incidentally, was six to eight, and still is six to eight.
第一個療程通常是6-8次，現在還是6-8次
Plugged me into the wires, put me to sleep, gave me the muscle relaxant.
于是他們給我帖導電片，麻醉，讓我肌肉松弛。
Six didn't work. Seven didn't work.
6次沒有用，7次也沒效果。
Eight didn't work.
8次還是沒用，
At nine, I noticed --
到了第9次，我感覺到---
and it's wonderful that I could notice anything, I noticed a change.
我自己能夠感覺到真是太好了.我感覺到了變化。
And at 10, I noticed a real change.
到了第10次，我感到了真的不同。
And he went back to them, and they agreed to do another 10.
然后他找到其他醫生們，他們同意再做10次。
Again, not a single one of them
這些醫生中沒有一個相信
I think there are about seven or eight of them thought this would do any good.
我想他們中大概7，8位都不信，他們認為電擊沒有用。
They thought this was a temporary change.
他們認為這只是暫時的改善。
But, lo and behold, by 16, by 17,
結果讓大家驚訝的是到了第16，17次，
there were demonstrable differences in the way I felt.
我已經明顯感覺到了變化。
By 18 and 19, I was sleeping through the night.
到了第18，19次，我已經可以安睡整晚了。
And by 20, I had the sense, I really had the sense that I could overcome this,
第20次完成，我真的感覺我可以戰勝憂郁癥，
that I was now strong enough that by an act of will,
我已經很堅強，可以靠意志力
I could blow the obsessional thinking away.
掃除強迫性思考，
I could blow the depression away.
告別憂郁癥。
And I've never forgotten -- I never will forget
我永遠也不會忘記
standing in the kitchen of the unit,
站在療養院的廚房，
it was a Sunday morning in January of 1974,
1974年1月的星期天早上，
standing in the kitchen by myself and thinking, "I've got the strength now to do this."
我獨自站在廚房，心想”我現在有康復的力量了。“
It was as though those tightly coiled wires in my head had been disconnected and I could think clearly.
好像在我頭腦中緊緊糾結著的電路被拆除了，我思路清晰。
But I need a formula. I need some thing to say to myself when I begin thinking obsessionally, obsessively.
但我需要一個方法。需要提醒我自己，以防我陷入強迫性思考
Well, the Gilbert and Sullivan fans in this room
在座的吉爾伯特和沙利文的粉絲們
will remember "Ruddigore," and they will remember Mad Margaret,
會記得歌劇Ruddy Gore和瘋狂瑪格麗特
and they will remember that she was married to a fellow named Sir Despard Murgatroyd.
會記得她嫁給一個名叫德斯帕特爵士
And she used to go nuts, every five minutes or so in the play,
她在劇中差不多每5分鐘都會發狂
and he said to her, "We must have a word to bring you back to reality,
他對她說，“我們得有個密語把你拉回現實”
and the word, my dear, will be 'Basingstoke.'"
親愛的，我們就定“貝辛斯托克”吧
So every time she got a little nuts, he would say, "Basingstoke!"
所以每次她有點發狂時，他就說：“貝辛斯托克！”
And she would say, "Basingstoke, it is."
她就回答說，“是的，貝辛斯托克。”
And she would be fine for a little while.
她就能好一段時間。
Well, you know, I'm from the Bronx. I can't say "Basingstoke."
好吧,你知道,我來自布朗克斯,我不能說"貝辛斯托克"
But I had something better. And it was very simple.
我有更好的主意,非常簡單
It was, "Ah, fuck it!"
就是:"誒呀,去他的!"
Much better than "Basingstoke," at least for me.
比貝辛斯托克好多了，至少對于我來說。
And it worked -- my God, it worked.
這真的管用,天呀.
Every time I would begin thinking obsessionally --
每次我開始強迫性思維時
again, once more, after 20 shock treatments I would say, "Ah, fuck it."
在歷經20次電療之后，我都說"哎呀,去他的!"
