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And they tried everything they had.
住院后，醫生盡其所能。
They tried the usual psychotherapy.
他們試了常規的心理療法，
They tried every medication available in those days.
也嘗試了那個時候所有可能的藥物。
And they did have Tofranil and other things -- Mellaril, who knows what.
他們用了鹽酸丙咪嗪和其他藥-,硫醚嗪，誰知道。
Nothing happened except that I got jaundiced from one of these things.
什么療效都沒有，除了害我得了黃疸病。
And finally, because I was well known in Connecticut,
最后，因為我在康涅狄格州很出名，
they decided they better have a meeting of the senior staff.
他們決定組成專家組開個會。
All the senior staff got together, and I later found out what happened.
所有的高級專家聚在一起，后來我才知道。
They put all their heads together and they decided that there was nothing that could be done
他們集體討論的結論是，他們無能為力了
for this surgeon who had essentially separated himself from the world,
因為患者已經和世界脫節，
who by that time had become so overwhelmed,
完全垮了。
not just with depression and feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy,
不僅是郁悶感受無價值的和無能的感覺，
but with obsessional thinking, obsessional thinking about coincidences.
還有無法擺脫的強迫性思考，滿腦子在想各種巧合
And there were particular numbers that every time I saw them,
有一些特別的數字，每次我看到
just got me dreadfully upset -- all kinds of ritualistic observances, just awful, awful stuff.
都讓我有種痛苦，還有各種怪癖，糟糕透了。
Remember when you were a kid, and you had to step on every line?
記得小時候走路，你要踩到地上每條線嗎？
Well, I was a grown man who had all of these rituals,
我曾是個有這些怪癖的成年人，
and it got so there was a throbbing, there was a ferocious fear in my head.
腦中有種可怕的恐懼。
You've seen this painting by Edvard Munch, The Scream.
你們看過孟克的畫“吶喊”。
Every moment was a scream.
每個時刻都在吶喊。
It was impossible. So they decided there was no therapy, there was no treatment.
這是非常可怕的。所以醫生認為我無藥可救了，沒有辦法治療。
But there was one treatment,
但是有一個方法，
which actually had been pioneered at the Hartford hospital in the early 1940s,
這個方法在19世紀40年代曾經在Hartford醫院率先使用過，
and you can imagine what it was. It was pre-frontal lobotomy.
你可以想象這是什么方法。前腦葉白質切除術。
So they decided -- I didn't know this, again, I found this out later
所以醫生決定-不讓我知道這一切。我后來還是知道了
that the only thing that could be done was for this 43-year-old man to have a pre-frontal lobotomy.
唯一能做的就是，對于這個43歲的男人前腦葉白質切除術。
Well, as in all hospitals, there was a resident assigned to my case.
就像所有的醫院一樣，有一個住院醫生被指派給我。
He was 27 years old, and he would meet with me two or three times a week.
他27歲，他每周跟我見2-3次面。
And of course, I had been there, what, three or four months at the time.
我當時在醫院住了3-4月。
And he asked to meet with the senior staff, and they agreed to meet with him
他跟其他資深的醫生會診,資深醫生同意跟他會診
because he was very well thought of in that place.
因為他是個深思熟慮的人。
They thought he had a really extraordinary future.
他們認為他前途無量。
And he dug in his heels and said,
他堅持說，
"No. I know this man better than any of you. I have met with him over and over again.
“我比你們任何一個人都清楚這個病人，我們見過很多次面。
You've just seen him from time to time. You've read reports and so forth.
你們只是偶爾探視他，看看他的病歷。
I really honestly believe that the basic problem here is pure depression,
我相信他的病就是單純的憂郁癥，
and all of the obsessional thinking comes out of it.
以及伴隨的強迫性思考。
And you know, of course, what'll happen if you do a pre-frontal lobotomy.
你們當然知道進行前額葉切除的后果。
Any of the results along the spectrum,
任何情況都可能發生，
from pretty bad to terrible, terrible, terrible is going to happen.
從不太理想到不堪設想，非常非常糟糕，都有可能發生。
If he does the best he can, he will have no further obsessions,
如果手術非常成功，他將不再會強迫性思考，
probably no depression, but his affect will be dulled,
也許不再憂郁，但是他的情感會遲鈍，
he will never go back to surgery,
他也許無法在做外科醫生，
he will never be the loving father that he was to his two children, his life will be changed.
也無法再成為他兩個孩子的慈祥的父親，他的人生從此改變。
If he has the usual result, he will end up like 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.'
如果是一般的手術結果，他會像“飛躍杜鵑窩”一樣，
And you know about that, just essentially in a stupor the rest of his life."
終生癡呆恍惚。
