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I began to yawn uncontrollably around Kempton Park,
我開始控制不住在坎普頓公園附近打哈欠
which apparently is what dogs also do when anxious -- they yawn uncontrollably.
顯然，當狗在焦慮的時候，也會情不自禁地打哈欠
And we got to Broadmoor.
之后就到了布羅德莫精神病院
And I got taken through gate after gate after gate after gate into the wellness center,
然后我又不停地穿過一道又一道又一道的大門，這才進到健康中心那兒
which is where you get to meet the patients.
在那里你才能和病人會面
It looks like a giant Hampton Inn.
它看起來就像大型的漢普頓酒店
It's all peach and pine and calming colors.
到處都是桃子菠蘿和讓人寧靜的顏色
And the only bold colors are the reds of the panic buttons.
唯一比較大膽的顏色則是應急按鈕上的紅色
And the patients started drifting in.
然后病人開始挪進來
And they were quite overweight and wearing sweatpants and quite docile looking.
他們看起來很笨重，穿著寬松的褲子，倒是挺溫順的樣子
And Brian the Scientologist whispered to me, "They're medicated,"
科學論派學者Brian低聲跟我說，他們這是服藥后的效果
which to the Scientologists is like the worst evil in the world,
對于科學論派的人來說，這簡直就是最殘忍的魔鬼
but I'm thinking it's probably a good idea.
我倒不覺得是件壞事
And then Brian said, "Here's Tony."
然后Brian說，“Tony來了。”
And a man was walking in.
然后有個男人走了進來
And he wasn't overweight, he was in very good physical shape.
他看起來并不笨重，身材還挺不錯
And he wasn't wearing sweatpants, he was wearing a pinstriped suit.
也沒有穿寬松的褲子，他穿著帶有細條紋的西服
And he had his arm outstretched like someone out of The Apprentice.
他張開雙臂，像《飛黃騰達》里的人一樣
He looked like a man who wanted to wear an outfit that would convince me that he was very sane.
他看起來像是想在著裝方面顯得得體的人，這樣似乎會讓我相信他是正常人
And he sat down.
然后他坐下來
And I said, "So is it true that you faked your way in here?"
我說，“你是在這里裝瘋的對吧？”
And he said, "Yep. Yep. Absolutely. I beat someone up when I was 17.
他說，“對，絕對是。我在17歲的時候把別人打傷了
And I was in prison awaiting trial,
之后在監獄里等待審判
and my cellmate said to me, 'You know what you have to do?
我的獄友跟我說，你知道你得做些什么嗎
Fake madness.
裝瘋
Tell them you're mad. You'll get sent to some cushy hospital.
告訴他們你瘋了，你就會被送到某間舒適的醫院
Nurses will bring you pizzas.
護士會給你帶來比薩餅
You'll have your own Playstation.'"
你會有自己的PS游戲機。”
So I said, "Well how did you do it?"
我又說，“那你是怎么做的？”
He said, "I asked to see the prison psychiatrist.
他說，“我要求去見監獄里的精神病專家
And I'd just seen a film called 'Crash' in which people get sexual pleasure from crashing cars into walls.
而且我又看過《沖擊效應》這部電影，電影里的人用車去撞墻以獲得性快感
So I said to the psychiatrist, 'I get sexual pleasure from crashing cars into walls.'"
所以我跟精神病專家說，我通過開車撞墻活得性快感。”
And I said, "What else?"
我說，“還有嗎？”
He said, "Oh, yeah. I told the psychiatrist that I wanted to watch women as they died
他說，“哦對了，我告訴那個精神病專家，我喜歡看女人死去
because it would make me feel more normal."
因為這讓我覺得我比較正常。”
And I said, "Where'd you get that from?"
我說，“你這是從哪學來的？”
He said, "Oh, from a biography of Ted Bundy that they had at the prison library."
他說，“哦，從Ted Bundy（連環殺手）的自傳，監獄圖書館里有這本書。”
Anyway he faked madness too well, he said.
總之，他說他裝得太像了
And they didn't send him to some cushy hospital.
結果他們沒把他送到某間舒適的醫院
They sent him to Broadmoor.
反而送到了布羅德莫精神病院
And the minute he got there, he said he took one look at the place, asked to see the psychiatrist,
他到這里的那一刻，他說他看了下四周的環境，然后要求去見精神病醫生
said, "There's been a terrible misunderstanding. I'm not mentally ill."
說，“這當中有著難以解釋的誤會，我并沒有任何精神疾病。”
I said, "How long have you been here for?"
我問，“你在這待了多長時間了？”
He said, "Well, if I'd just done my time in prison for the original crime, I'd have got five years.
他說，“唉，如果我只在獄中服刑的話，我只要待五年
I've been in Broadmoor for 12 years."
但我在布羅德莫精神病院已經12年了。”
Tony said that it's a lot harder to convince people you're sane
Tony說，要使別人相信你是正常人是十分困難的
than it is to convince them you're crazy.
而使別人相信你瘋了則簡單得多
He said, "I thought the best way to seem normal
他說，“要顯得正常，我覺得最好的方法
would be to talk to people normally about normal things like football or what's on TV.
就是和他人正常地交談，聊一聊正常的事物，像足球或電視上的事情
I subscribe to New Scientist,
我有訂閱《新科學家》這份雜志
and recently it had an article about how the U.S. Army was training bumblebees to sniff out explosives.
最近他們發表了一篇文章，關于美國軍隊訓練大黃蜂來偵查爆炸物的
So I said to a nurse, 'Did you know that the U.S. army is training bumblebees to sniff out explosives?'
然后我跟護士說，你知道美國軍隊正在訓練大黃蜂來偵查爆炸物嗎
When I read my medical notes, I saw they'd written:
當我看到我的醫療記錄時，我看到他們寫到
'Believes bees can sniff out explosives.'"
“相信蜜蜂能偵查爆炸物”
He said, "You know, they're always looking out for non-verbal clues to my mental state.
他說，“你知道，他們總是在尋找非言語的線索來判斷我的心理狀態
But how do you sit in a sane way?
但你是如何用正常人的方式坐的？
How do you cross your legs in a sane way?
你又如何用正常人的方式翹腳的？
It's just impossible."
這簡直就是天荒夜談。”
