評(píng)論
打印
Many people have harmed me in my life, and I remember them all,
我這一生被許多人傷害過，而且我都記得
but the memories grow pale and faint in comparison with the people who've helped me.
但相較于受人恩惠，那些不堪回首的事就顯得依稀模糊了
The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers, the comrades and collaborators;
那些同病相憐的過來人、朋友和伙伴
the mother who never gave up on me,
還有對(duì)我從未放棄希望的母親
who knew that one day I would come back to her
她知道女兒總有一天會(huì)恢復(fù)
and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took;
而她愿意一直等下去
the doctor who only worked with me for a brief time
那位和我萍水相逢的醫(yī)生
but who reinforced his belief that recovery was not only possible but inevitable,
不僅堅(jiān)信我有可能康復(fù)而且一定會(huì)康復(fù).
and during a devastating period of relapse told my terrified family,
在我病情不斷復(fù)發(fā)，令人心力憔悴的那段時(shí)間，他告訴我的家人:
"Don't give up hope. I believe that Eleanor can get through this.
“別放棄希望!我相信Eleanor能捱過這關(guān)!
Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May, but summer always comes eventually."
“有時(shí)候5月天也會(huì)下雪，但夏天終究會(huì)來!”
Fourteen minutes is not enough time
14分鐘的時(shí)間其實(shí)不夠我去感謝
to fully credit those good and generous people who fought with me and for me
那些拉我一把的好人，有人與我并肩作戰(zhàn)，為我挺身而出
and who waited to welcome me back from that agonized, lonely place.
還有人盼著我從孤獨(dú)沉痛中恢復(fù)過來
But together, they forged a blend of courage, creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief
但他們共同造就的勇氣、創(chuàng)造力、誠(chéng)信和堅(jiān)定信念
that my shattered self could become healed and whole.
讓原來支離破碎的我，得以找回完整的自己
I used to say that these people saved me,
我曾說這些人救了我
but what I now know is they did something even more important in that they empowered me to save myself,
但我現(xiàn)在才明白，是他們讓我有力量拯救自己
and crucially, they helped me to understand something which I'd always suspected:
更重要的是，他們讓我了解一件我過去始終不確定的事
that my voices were a meaningful response to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events,
我所聽見的那些聲音，其實(shí)是以有意義的方式響應(yīng)過去的傷痛，尤其是我的童年
and as such were not my enemies but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems.
這樣說來，我們不應(yīng)彼此為敵，是這些聲音讓我看清那些并非無解的情緒問題
Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe,
起初這很難去相信
not least because the voices appeared so hostile and menacing,
不只因?yàn)槟切┞曇艉孟癫粦押靡?/div>
so in this respect, a vital first step was
既然如此，首要步驟就是
learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning from what I'd previously interpreted to be a literal truth.
學(xué)著從我原本理解的表象中找到其中的隱含的意義
So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home
舉例來說，那些聲音曾威脅要襲擊我家
I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear and insecurity in the world,
那時(shí)我習(xí)慣以自身的恐懼感和不安來解讀事情
rather than an actual, objective danger.
而非真正具體的危險(xiǎn)
Now at first, I would have believed them.
剛開始我信以為真
I remember, for example, sitting up one night on guard outside my parents' room
還記得有一次我徹夜不眠，守在我爸媽房門前
to protect them from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices.
提防我認(rèn)為那些聲音很可能帶來的威脅
Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden,
因?yàn)樵谀侵拔易詺堖^好幾次，所以家里大部分的餐具都被藏起來
so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork, kind of like picnic ware,
最后我拿一支塑料叉當(dāng)武器，就是那種野餐用的，
and sort of sat outside the room clutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen.
然后坐在門外把叉子夾在腋下高度戒備
It was like, "Don't mess with me. I've got a plastic fork, don't you know?"
那情形就像說:“別惹我!你不知道我有武器嗎?”
Strategic.
這是我用的戰(zhàn)術(shù)
But a later response, and much more useful,
但我隨后的反應(yīng)比較有效
would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words,
我嘗試拆解言外之意
so when the voices warned me not to leave the house,
所以當(dāng)聲音警告我不要出門
then I would thank them for drawing my attention to how unsafe I felt
我會(huì)謝謝他們的提醒，讓我注意到自己多缺乏安全感
because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it
因有這份認(rèn)知，我就可以積極面對(duì)問題
but go on to reassure both them and myself that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore.
安撫自己及那些聲音，我們很安全，用不著害怕
I would set boundaries for the voices,
我會(huì)與“他們”劃清界線
and try to interact with them in a way that was assertive
試著以堅(jiān)決的態(tài)度與他們溝通
yet respectful, establishing a slow process of communication and collaboration
但保持尊重并放緩溝通及合作的過程
in which we could learn to work together and support one another.
這樣“我們”才能學(xué)習(xí)共事，互相扶持
