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It's worth mentioning though
我需要澄清一下
that I didn't hate my body or my genitalia.
我不討厭我的身體或性別。
I didn't feel like I was in the wrong body.
我沒覺得我投錯了胎。
I felt like I was performing this elaborate act.
我只是覺得這是一場精心的演出。
I wouldn't have qualified as transgender.
我不會真的去變性
If my family, though, had been the kind of people to believe in therapy,
我的家人他們或許會認為我的性別趨向畸形，
they probably would have diagnosed me
或許給我注射激素
as something like gender dysmorphic
以避免“青春期的困擾”。
and put me on hormones to stave off puberty.
但是我并沒有被歸為變性者。
But in my particular case,
在我這個特殊的案例中，
I just woke up one day when I was 14,
我在14歲的時候突然的覺醒了，
and I decided that I wanted to be a girl again.
決定重新做回姑娘。
Puberty had hit, and I had no idea what being a girl meant,
青春期的困擾來了，我不知道這個決定意味著什么，
and I was ready to figure out who I actually was.
但是我想找到真正的自我。
When a kid behaves like I did,
像我這樣（女扮男裝）的孩子，
they don't exactly have to come out, right?
其實用不著宣布出柜的，對吧
No one is exactly shocked.
沒有人覺得意外。
But I wasn't asked to define myself by my parents.
但是我的父母并沒有要求我給自己歸類。
When I was 15, and I called my father
在我15歲的時候，我給爸爸打電話
to tell him that I had fallen in love,
告訴他我戀愛了
it was the last thing on either of our minds
這是我們最后一次
to discuss what the consequences were
討論喜歡上一個女孩子
of the fact that my first love was a girl.
可能帶來的后果。
Three years later, when I fell in love with a man,
三年后當我愛上一個男人時，
neither of my parents batted an eyelash either.
我的父母眼皮都沒眨一下。
See, it's one of the great blessings of my very unorthodox childhood
瞧，在我離經叛道的童年經歷中最大的幸運，
that I wasn't ever asked to define myself
就是我從來沒有被要求把自己
as any one thing at any point.
歸為某個確定的類別。
I was just allowed to be me, growing and changing in every moment.
我能夠自由的做自己，成長，并隨時改變自己。
So four, almost five years ago,
所以大概四五年前，
Proposition 8, the great marriage equality debate,
關于同性戀婚姻合法化第八號提案
was raising a lot of dust around this country.
在美國引起了巨大的關注。
And at the time, getting married wasn't really something
那個時候我還沒有花太多時間
I spent a lot of time thinking about.
考慮結婚的問題。
But I was struck by the fact that America,
但是讓我震驚的是，
a country with such a tarnished civil rights record,
有著那樣不堪的人權歷史的美國，
could be repeating its mistakes so blatantly.
竟然又一次公然的重復自己的錯誤。
And I remember watching the discussion on television
我還記得在電視上看到人們的辯論時，
and thinking how interesting it was
覺得多么的好玩：
that the separation of church and state
宗教之間和州之間的差異
was essentially drawing geographical boundaries throughout this country,
使得國家被劃出一條地理上的界限，
between places where people believed in it
這邊的人們持贊成觀點，
and places where people didn't.
那邊的人持反對態度。
And then, that this discussion was drawing geographical boundaries around me.
然后我發現這些討論使得我也需要進行站隊。
If this was a war with two disparate sides,
如果這是兩方相互對立的戰爭，
I, by default, fell on team gay,
我應該歸為同性戀這一邊，
because I certainly wasn't 100 percent straight.
因為我顯然不是百分之百“直”的（異性戀）。
At the time I was just beginning to emerge
那個時候我剛剛跌跌撞撞的
from this eight-year personal identity crisis zigzag
從八年的自我認同危機中走出來，
that saw me go from being a boy
從一個男孩，
to being this awkward girl that looked like a boy in girl's clothes
從一個穿著女孩子衣服但是像男孩子的女孩子，
to the opposite extreme of this super skimpy,
到一個超級性感、過度補償的、超有女人味的
over-compensating, boy-chasing girly-girl
男孩子夢寐以求的女孩子，
to finally just a hesitant exploration of what I actually was,
到現在最終發現了真實的自己，一個
a tomboyish girl
男孩子氣的女孩，
who liked both boys and girls depending on the person.
喜歡某些男孩也喜歡某些女孩。
