評(píng)論
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We are the only ones who have an erotic life,
人類是唯一過性生活的物種，
which means that it's sexuality transformed by the human imagination.
所謂性生活完全是人類想象出來的東西
We are the only ones who can make love for hours,
人類也是唯一能持續(xù)幾個(gè)小時(shí)做愛
have a blissful time, multiple orgasms,
有幸福時(shí)光，有多次高潮
and touch nobody, just because we can imagine it.
而沒有身體撫摸的動(dòng)物，因?yàn)槿祟惸芟胂蟪鲞@些東西。
We can hint at it. We don't even have to do it.
我們可以用意念來交歡，根本就不用直接的身體接觸。
We can experience that powerful thing called anticipation,
我們能體驗(yàn)強(qiáng)大的性期待
which is a mortar to desire,
那可是性欲的動(dòng)機(jī)，
the ability to imagine it, as if it's happening,
能想得到的，它就可以是發(fā)生的
to experience it as if it's happening, while nothing is happening
能體驗(yàn)到好像正在發(fā)生的，而實(shí)際上卻沒發(fā)生任何事
and everything is happening at the same time.
所有這些都可以同時(shí)發(fā)生
So when I began to think about eroticism,
所以，當(dāng)我想到性興奮時(shí)，
I began to think about the poetics of sex,
我就會(huì)想到性愛的美妙。
and if I look at it as an intelligence,
而如果我把它看作一種“智商”
then it's something that you cultivate.
那么，它就應(yīng)該是你應(yīng)該培養(yǎng)的東西。
What are the ingredients? Imagination, playfulness,
性商包括什么呢？想象力、情趣、
novelty, curiosity, mystery.
新鮮感、好奇心和神秘感。
But the central agent is really that piece called the imagination.
但其核心是想象力。
But more importantly, for me to begin to understand
但更重要的是，如果說我要弄清楚
who are the couples who have an erotic spark,
哪些夫婦有性火花，
what sustains desire, I had to go back
什么東西方維系著性愛,我必須得回顧一下
to the original definition of eroticism,
性愛的最原始的定義,
the mystical definition, and I went through it
這一最神秘的定義，我經(jīng)歷過的
through a bifurcation by looking actually at trauma,
以一種分岐，通過創(chuàng)傷來看
which is the other side, and I looked at it
這就是另一面，讓我來看看
looking at the community that I had grown up in,
看看我成長(zhǎng)的社區(qū)
which was a community in Belgium, all Holocaust survivors,
那是一個(gè)在比利時(shí)的社區(qū)，所有人都是大屠殺的幸存者
and in my community there were two groups:
在這個(gè)社區(qū)里，有兩類人：
those who didn't die, and those who came back to life.
一類是沒有死過的，另一類是死后重生的
And those who didn't die lived often very tethered to the ground,
那些沒死過的人一般都很現(xiàn)實(shí)
could not experience pleasure, could not trust,
無法體會(huì)快感，不信任人
because when you're vigilant, worried, anxious,
因?yàn)樗麄冞^于謹(jǐn)慎、杞人憂天、焦慮
and insecure, you can't lift your head
沒有安全感，不能自信地
to go and take off in space and be playful and safe and imaginative.
在性愛中解放自我，沒有情趣，沒安全感也缺乏想象力。
Those who came back to life were those
那些劫后余生的人
who understood the erotic as an antidote to death.
他們把性事當(dāng)作忘卻死亡的解藥。
They knew how to keep themselves alive.
他們知道怎樣讓自己活下去。
And when I began to listen to the sexlessness of the couples that I work with,
當(dāng)我聽到我的那些無性生活的同事的故事時(shí)
I sometimes would hear people say, "I want more sex,"
有時(shí)我聽到別人說：我想要更多的性生活。
but generally people want better sex,
但很多時(shí)候，人們更在意性生活的質(zhì)量,
and better is to reconnect with that quality of aliveness,
最好的是能過傳統(tǒng)意義上性生活能提供給他們的活力、
of vibrancy, of renewal, of vitality, of eros, of energy
新鮮感、動(dòng)感、和充滿動(dòng)力的性愛
that sex used to afford them, or that they've hoped
或者他們希望
it would afford them.
能得到這性愛。
And so I began to ask a different question.
所以，我會(huì)問另一個(gè)問題：
"I shut myself off when ..." began to be the question.
我何時(shí)不會(huì)有性欲。
"I turn off my desires when ..." which is not the same question as,
我何時(shí)會(huì)壓制自已的性欲。
"What turns me of is ..." and "You turn me off when ..."
是什么令我毫無性欲。你何時(shí)令我性欲全無。
And people began to say, "I turn myself off when
人們會(huì)回答說：當(dāng)我心死時(shí)、當(dāng)我不再喜歡我自己的身體時(shí)
I feel dead inside, when I don't like my body,
我對(duì)性也就沒有任何興趣了。
when I feel old, when I haven't had time for myself,
當(dāng)我感覺自己老了，當(dāng)我沒有自己的時(shí)間了，
when I haven't had a chance to even check in with you,
當(dāng)我沒機(jī)會(huì)和你去開房時(shí)，
when I don't perform well at work,
當(dāng)我工作毫無業(yè)績(jī)可言時(shí)，
when I feel low self esteem, when I don't have a sense of self-worth,
當(dāng)我沒有了自尊、當(dāng)我覺得沒有了個(gè)人價(jià)值時(shí)，
when I don't feel like I have a right to want, to take,
當(dāng)我覺得我已經(jīng)沒有權(quán)力去想，去獲得
to receive pleasure."
和去接受這種快感受時(shí)
And then I began to ask the reverse question.
然后，我會(huì)反過來問：
"I turn myself on when ..." Because most of the time,
我何時(shí)會(huì)性趣大發(fā)。因?yàn)楹芏鄷r(shí)候
people like to ask the question, "You turn me on,
人們喜歡問這類問題：你令我興奮
what turns me on," and I'm out of the question. You know?
什么使我興奮?我不可能興奮的，對(duì)吧？
Now, if you are dead inside, the other person can do a lot of things for Valentine's.
但如果你已經(jīng)心死了，你的另一半可以為你們的情人節(jié)做很多事啊！
It won't make a dent. There is nobody at the reception desk.
沒有人知道的，前臺(tái)沒有人呢。
So I turn myself on when,
所以，我讓自己興奮
I turn my desires, I wake up when ...
我喚醒自己的性欲，我起來時(shí)。。。
Now, in this paradox between love and desire,
在愛與欲這對(duì)矛盾體里
what seems to be so puzzling is that the very ingredients
令人不解的是那些滋潤(rùn)著愛的養(yǎng)分------
that nurture love -- mutuality, reciprocity,
相依相伴、互惠、
protection, worry, responsibility for the other --
愛護(hù)有加、擔(dān)心、和為對(duì)方肩負(fù)起來的責(zé)任
are sometimes the very ingredients that stifle desire.
這些東西有時(shí)也會(huì)抑制性欲。
Because desire comes with a host of feelings
因?yàn)椋杂麃碜杂谝幌盗械?/div>
that are not always such favorites of love:
并非全是愛的情感：
jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance,
比如說妒忌、占有欲、冒犯、權(quán)力、支配
naughtiness, mischief.
俏皮、搗蛋等等。
Basically most of us will get turned on at night
一般來說，大多數(shù)人晚上都會(huì)有性興奮
by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day.
其實(shí)白天也一樣可能會(huì)有性興奮
You know, the erotic mind is not very politically correct.
性想法在政治上不算很合適
If everybody was fantasizing on a bed of roses,
如果每個(gè)人都能躺在床上想著滿床的玖瑰
we wouldn't be having such interesting talks about this.
那我們今天就沒有必要來聽這個(gè)演講了。
But no, in our mind up there
但其實(shí)并不然，在我們心底的某個(gè)角落,
are a host of things going on that we don't always know
有著一些我們不知道的東西
how to bring to the person that we love,
不知道怎么樣將這些東西告訴我們的愛人，
because we think love comes with selflessness
這是因?yàn)椋覀冋J(rèn)為愛是自私的，
and in fact desire comes with a certain amount of selfishness
而性欲在很大程度上出于我們的自私
in the best sense of the word:
如果說非得這么說的話
the ability to stay connected to one's self
自私就是和別人在一起的時(shí)候
in the presence of another.
只顧自我的感受。
So I want to draw that little image for you,
所以，讓我稍為概括一下
because this need to reconcile these two sets of needs,
因?yàn)檫@需要調(diào)和一下我們與生俱來的東西
we are born with that.
這兩種需要。
Our need for connection, our need for separateness,
也就是聯(lián)系的需要，分離的需要
or our need for security and adventure,
或者安全和冒險(xiǎn)的需要
or our need for togetherness and for autonomy,
團(tuán)聚的需要、自我管理的需要
