評論
打印
So, why does good sex so often fade,
為何性愛的激情那么容易褪色？
even for couples who continue to love each other as much as ever?
就算是那些愛得如膠似漆的夫婦也無一例外。
And why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex,
為何親密的愛情也無法維持激情的色彩呢？
contrary to popular belief?
這和我們普遍對性生活與愛情的關系的認知相違背。
Or, the next question would be,
或者說，換第二個問題:
can we want what we already have?
我們能留住我們現有的性生活頻率嗎？
That's the million-dollar question, right?
這可是個很值得研究的問題，對吧?
And why is the forbidden so erotic?
再者，為什么偷腥會令人如此激情彭拜?
What is it about transgression that makes desire so potent?
又是什么東西令人在偷嘗云雨之情時有如此旺盛的性欲呢？
And why does sex make babies,
又是為何性愛孕育了兒女
and babies spell erotic disaster in couples?
而兒女卻最終反過來卻成為夫妻性愛的災難呢？
It's kind of the fatal erotic blow, isn't it?
這對于性欲可是種致命的打擊，不是么？
And when you love, how does it feel?
還有，當你愛時，你有什么感受?
And when you desire, how is it different?
并且當你產生欲望時，這種感受又會有什么不同的變化?
These are some of the questions
這些都是
that are at the center of my exploration
我今天想要探討的問題
on the nature of erotic desire
探索現代愛情中人類的原始性沖動
and its concomitant dilemmas in modern love.
和其伴隨而來的困境
So I travel the globe,
為了這一研究，我去了很多國家
and what I'm noticing is that
而我注意到
everywhere where romanticism has entered,
凡是浪漫的國度
there seems to be a crisis of desire.
都面臨著性欲消退的危機。
A crisis of desire, as in owning the wanting --
欲望消退危機----正如我們的需要一樣,
desire as an expression of our individuality,
性欲作為我們對自身個體的表達：
of our free choice, of our preferences, of our identity --
是對于我們的自由選擇、偏好和身份的一種需要
desire that has become a central concept
性欲已經成為
as part of modern love and individualistic societies.
現代愛情和崇尚個人主義的社會的核心概念
You know, this is the first time in the history of humankind
要知道，這是人類歷史上首次
where we are trying to experience sexuality in the long term,
我們長期體驗性愛
not because we want 14 children,
不是為了生一大堆孩子,比如說14個。
for which we need to have even more because many of them won't make it,
或許我們部分人可能要生養育更多，以防很多可能會夭折，
and not because it is exclusively a woman's marital duty.
也不是源于女人生兒育女的天職。
This is the first time that we want sex over time
人類第一次將我需要性的觀點超越了僅僅是體內的性欲在作怪
about pleasure and connection that is rooted in desire.
是因為性愛能給人們帶來愉悅和穩定的關系。
So what sustains desire, and why is it so difficult?
那么,究竟是什么在維持著人的性欲?而維持性欲為何又這么難呢？
And at the heart of sustaining desire in a committed relationship,
要維持夫妻關系中的性欲的關鍵
I think is the reconciliation of two fundamental human needs.
我認為在于協調兩種人類的基本需求。
On the one hand, our need for security, for predictability,
一方面，是我們對安全、可預測性、
for safety, for dependability, for reliability, for permanence --
安全感、可靠性、可依賴感和對永恒的需要。
all these anchoring, grounding experiences of our lives
所有這些生活中能為我們提供所需的厚實而安穩的體驗的地方
that we call home.
就是我們所說的"家"。
But we also have an equally strong need -- men and women --
但同時, 無論男女, 我們,還有另一種強烈的需要
for adventure, for novelty, for mystery, for risk, for danger,
那就是對冒險，對新奇事物，神秘、危險、風險
for the unknown, for the unexpected, surprise --
以及對未知有的、預料之外和驚喜的渴望。
you get the gist -- for journey, for travel.
我的意思是我們喜歡出游，旅行
So reconciling our need for security
這就意味著在一段關系中，要協調我們對安穩感的需求
and our need for adventure into one relationship,
和對獵奇的需要，
or what we today like to call a passionate marriage,
我們今天稱之為 “有激情的婚姻”
used to be a contradiction in terms.
過去曾是相互矛盾的的兩個方面
Marriage was an economic institution
婚姻曾經是一種經濟制度
in which you were given a partnership for life
你可以從中獲得某種合作關系,
in terms of children and social status
它一般以孩子，社會地位
and succession and companionship.
繼承權以及同伴的形式出現。
But now we want our partner to still give us all these things,
可如今，我們在希望我們的伴侶可以繼續提供這些的同時
but in addition I want you to be my best friend
又要求他們成為我們的知己
and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot,
做我們可交心的伴侶和激情四射的情人
and we live twice as long.
甚至還想長生不老呢
So we come to one person, and we basically are asking them
所以,當我碰到我們的另一半時，我們簡直在向對方要求
to give us what once an entire village used to provide:
給我們這些過去原本一整個村莊才能提供的東西：
Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity,
如財產，名份，至死不渝的忠貞愛情,
but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one.
同時你還得讓我覺得你是卓爾不群，有神秘感和有敬畏心。
Give me comfort, give me edge.
安撫我的同時帶給我刺激。
Give me novelty, give me familiarity.
給我新鮮感的同時又要保持親密。
Give me predictability, give me surprise.
讓我過安穩的日子的同時還要能給我驚喜。
And we think it's a given, and toys and lingerie are going to save us with that.
多數人認為這是奉獻，性玩具和性感睡衣就能解決這些問題。
So now we get to the existential reality of the story, right?
現在我們應該說清楚性愛激情的現實部分了,對吧?
Because I think, in some way -- and I'll come back to that --
我覺得，從某種角度講，一會我們再會回到這個話題
but the crisis of desire is often a crisis of the imagination.
其實欲望危機就是想象力的危機。
So why does good sex so often fade?
那么為什么美妙的性愛體驗容易消散呢？
What is the relationship between love and desire?
愛和欲之間的聯系到底是什么呢？
How do they relate, and how do they conflict?
它們是怎樣聯系起來的，又是怎么相互沖突的呢？
Because therein lies the mystery of eroticism.
橫亙在這兩者之間的是性欲的奧秘。
So if there is a verb, for me, that comes with love, it's "to have."
如果要我用一個動詞來描述愛，那就是“擁有"
And if there is a verb that comes with desire, it is "to want."
而對于性欲,我想用"索求"來描述最恰當不過了。
