評論
打印
Hey, gang. Great news.
嘿，同志們，有個好消息
Popcorn Chicken is back?!
是勁爆雞米花殺回來了嗎
No, Popcorn Chicken is not back.
不是，勁爆雞米花沒殺回來
A TV crew is going to shoot an infomercial
一個電視團隊要在牧場牛排餐館
at Cattleman's Ranch!
拍一個廣告宣傳片
Whoa, cool!
哇，棒棒噠
An infomercial? What's that?
廣告宣傳片，那是什么
It's like a commercial, but longer.
就像是廣告，但是更長一點
And they come on late at night.
它們一般在深更半夜播出
I watch them when I can't sleep
我被奶奶穿墻入耳的呼嚕聲
because of Grandma's snoring through the wall.
吵得睡不著的時候就看它們
How are you gonna serve food
要是有一堆拍攝組工作人員
if there's a bunch of TV people running around the restaurant?
在餐館里來回亂逛那你要怎么上菜啊
We're closing the restaurant for the day.
那天我們準備歇業一天
They're paying us a generous location fee.
他們會付我們一大筆場地租借費
They're paying you to not serve food?
他們給你錢讓你不用上菜
I love it. Great scam.
對我胃口，這騙術不錯
Some of those infomercials are so cool.
有的廣告宣傳片真是太酷炫了
Dad, would it be okay if I went down to the restaurant to watch?
爸爸，我可以去餐館旁觀嗎
Hmm. Can I get my son into my own restaurant?
嗯，能不能把我兒子弄進我自己的餐館
I'll see if I can pull some strings.
我會看看能不能給你走走后門什么的
Oh, um, I'm actually busy.
嗯，我可是很忙的
That's okay. You don't have to come.
沒事，你也不用來
Oh, okay. I see how it is.
哦，我懂你的套路了
This will only make me stronger!
你這樣只會讓我更堅強
Where is my papaya?
我的木瓜呢
Excuse me?
什么
My papaya. I was saving it.
我的木瓜，我留下來的
My morning papaya is my one moment of joy,
早上一個木瓜就是我的幸福時光
the thing that gets me ready for the day,
一日之計在于瓜
and someone ate my papaya.
現在被人偷吃了
Oh! Okay, it was me.
我認輸，是我吃的
I knew it! Evan, what's that thing you learned in church?
我就知道，埃文，你在教堂學到的那個事是什么
Turn the other cheek.
有容乃大
No, the other thing about Bible justice?
不是，是關于圣經上的公正的事
An eye for an eye? That's the one.
以眼還眼，就是它了
Hey, that's the last of the Lucky Charms!
嘿，那是最后剩的一點麥片幸運星了
You eat my papaya, I eat your cereal.
你吃了我的木瓜，我就吃你的麥片
Purple horseshoe?
紫色的馬蹄
Is this some kind of a political thing? What is this?
是跟政治有什么關系嗎，這是什么鬼
Bananas. That's all I get.
香蕉皮，我就能得到這點東西嗎
Can't a brother get a red shell?
就不能給兄弟來點紅色龜殼嗎
Eddie, you're not gonna believe it.
埃迪，說出來你肯定不信
Don't distract me. I'm on Rainbow Road.
別打擾我，我正打到彩虹賽道這一關了
There's no guardrails.
這關沒有護欄
Eddie, put the joystick down.
埃迪，把游戲手柄放下
I just had lunch at my white friend Zack's house,
我剛剛在我的白人朋友扎克家吃午飯的時候
and I saw something.
看到了一個東西
Delicious lunch, Mr. And Mrs. Z.
午餐很可口，Z先生Z太太
Can I help with the dishes?
我來幫你刷盤子吧
You relax. I'll just put them in the machine.
你歇著吧，我把這些盤子放在機器里就行了
I don't get it.
我沒懂
Why would she put dirty plates in the drying rack?
她為什么要把盤子放到晾碗盤架上呢
That's just it, Eddie. It's not a drying rack.
重點就在這里，埃迪，那不是晾碗盤架
It's a dishwasher.
那是一個洗碗機
You mean the thing we put our dishes in
你的意思是我們在水槽里洗好盤子以后
after we wash them in the sink?
把它們放到里面的那個東西嗎
The drying rack.
就是晾碗盤架啊
Darn it, Edwyn! That's what I'm telling you!
麻噠，埃德溫，我一直在跟你說
It's a machine
那是個可以
that washes the dishes for you.
給你洗盤子的機器
With jets of water that shoot on the plates.
有那么一小股水流射到盤子上
I'm sorry. I get emotional just thinking about it.
不好意思，光想想我的眼淚都要掉下來了
The one at Zack's house looks just like it.
扎克家的那個跟這臺就一模一樣
Only it had buttons.
不過那臺上面有按鈕
Is that tape?
那不是膠帶嗎
The controls!
是控制按鈕
Super Rinse, Heavy Duty.
超能沖洗，強力潔凈
Pots and Pans?
盆和鍋
What are you boys doing?
你們干什么呢
We've had a dishwasher this whole time?
我們一直有一臺洗碗機
Why haven't we been using it?
為什么我們不用它
Because this family doesn't believe in dishwashers.
因為我們家族不相信洗碗機這種存在
It was there when we moved in. We'll never use it.
我們搬來的時候它就在這兒了，咱們永遠都不會用到它
Why not? Because it's wasteful.
為什么不用，因為這是一種奢侈
It makes you soft, and it's hard on the dishware.
它會讓你變得軟弱，而且它對餐具有傷害
Chinese people respect their nice plates.
我們中國人對好盤子有景仰之情
That's why they're called "China."
這就是為什么它們被稱為，中國瓷器
But... No dishwasher!
但是，不準用洗碗機
Wash and dry dishes the usual way.
給我用平時的方法洗完擦干
Ooh! It has a setting for crystal.
居然還有專門洗水晶餐具的按鈕
What a gentle beast.
真是頭剛柔并濟的小野獸呢
Oh.
哦
Whoa!
哇
This is amazing.
這真是太棒了
Ah, Louis. Hey, the place looks great.
路易斯，嘿，這里看起來很不錯啊
This is my son Emery. This is Reggie, the director.
這是我兒子埃默里，這是雷吉，那個導演
Hi, Emery. Are you here to see how an infomercial is made?
嗨，埃默里，你是來這里見證一個廣告宣傳片是如何誕生的嗎
It's so glamorous. What do you call these things?
太吸引人了，你們業界是怎么叫這些東西的
Uh, lights.
燈具
Lights.
是燈具啊
Okay, settle down.
好了，冷靜點
Oh. "The On-Gun"?
哦，洋槍
It's "The Un-Gun." It's a Salad Shooter for onions.
是，陽槍，這是一種專為洋蔥打造的沙拉噴射器
Oh. Well, why not call it "The Gunion"?
哦，好吧，為什么不叫，噴蔥槍，呢
Hey, mister, wh-where were you
嘿，我們這三天創意大會的時候
during our three-day creative retreat, huh?
你跑哪兒去了
It took you three days to come up with On-Gun?
你們花了整整三天才想出來，洋槍，這種爛名字
A lot of it was, uh, you know, like, volleyball.
呃，我們當時大多數時間都在打排球來著
Oh. And then there was a swimming party at the end.
而且最后還開了個泳池派對
Hello, hello, hello!
大家好哇
Oh. You must be the proprietor of this fine establishment.
你一定就是這個上等企業的經營者了
Oh, "Proprietor." I like that. Sounds fancy.
經營者，我喜歡這個稱呼，聽上去真高級
Hi, I'm Louis...
嗨，我是路易斯
"Proprietor."
經營者
Tony Wonder at your service.
托尼·旺德聽候您的吩咐
Oh! I've seen a bunch of your infomercials.
我看了無數個您的廣告宣傳片
My favorite is the Dyna-Broom.
我最喜歡的是電動掃帚的那個
Always nice to meet a fan.
跟粉絲見面總是愉快的
Oh.
哦
"Keep it squiggy. Tony."
保持活力，托尼
Oh, thank you!
謝謝
I guess I'll just hold onto this.
我看我就堅持不放了
Bad news, boss. Our Salad Eater just called in sick.
壞消息，老板，吃沙拉的那個人剛請了病假
What?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
什么，不不不不不要啊
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh!
不不不不不不不
What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
怎么辦，怎么辦
We need somebody to eat the salad and then... Oh, boy.
我需要有人在鏡頭前吃沙拉啊，天哪
I have an idea.
我有個主意
Why doesn't Louis play our Salad Eater?
為什么不讓路易斯扮演這個吃沙拉的角色呢
Really, me? Really, him?
真的嗎，讓我來，真的嗎，讓他來
Wait a minute. Yeah.
等等，對啊
No. I... Hold on.
等，等一下
Yeah. Yes.
就這樣
Yeah! I like it.
就這樣，很上鏡啊
Yeah, yeah. All right.
就這樣，不錯啊
Huzzah! This calls for a souvenir.
好哇，給你當紀念品
Oh, no. I-I-I-I...
哦，不用，我我我
"Welcome to the cast, Louie baby."
歡迎成為卡司一員，路易寶寶
Well, thank you.
謝謝了
Now we don't have to fight over just the one.
現在我們兩個不用去爭那一個了
Let's go.
來吧
It's warm.
還是暖和的
Disobedience.
居然敢不服
Man, the panic, funkmode
兄弟，這恐慌，是放克模式
Mechanical mix flows
機械混音夾雜著人潮
Competition in my dojo
我的道館里充斥著競爭
In my dojo
我的道館里
In my dojo
我的道館里
In my do...
我的道館
Eddie, I specifically told you not to use the dishwasher.
埃迪，我特意告訴過你不準用洗碗機的
I didn't! Then why are the plates warm?
我沒用，那為什么那些盤子還是暖和的
It's Florida. Everything's warm.
這里是佛羅里達，所有東西都是暖和的
Okay. Maybe someone used the dishwasher, but it wasn't me.
好吧，可能有人用了洗碗機，但是不是我用的
I wash dishes by hand, the stupid way.
我是用蠢辦法手洗的盤子
Let me see your hands.
讓我看看你的手
If your fingers look like raisins,
如果你的手指看起來像葡萄干一樣皺皺巴巴的
I'll know you're telling the truth.
我就知道你在說實話了
They were wrinkly before, but they plumped already.
我的手之前是起皺了，但是它們已經膨脹起來了
I know what's going on here... I'm being profiled!
我知道是怎么回事了，我在你心里已經有固定形象了
Profiled?
固定形象
Every time something bad happens,
每次一有壞事發生
you assume I'm the one who did it.
你就下意識的覺得是我干的
I'm a victim of institutional bias.
我就是慣性偏見的受害者
What? How do you know these words?
什么，這些詞你是怎么知道的
Oh, I can't know things?! Another assumption.
我就不能有知識嗎，又是一個想當然
No allowance, three weeks.
罰你三周沒有零花錢
I'm not paying you to do chores that a machine is doing for you.
我不是花錢讓一個機器來幫你做家務的
But I was saving up to buy an N64
但是我正在存錢買任天堂64（家用游戲機）
and play "GoldenEye" The day it comes out.
然后等《007黃金眼》出來之后玩呢
Odd Job's gonna bust a cap in some fools.
奧德喬布要手刃一些蠢貨了
Hearing what you want to do with that money
聽你說你把錢花哪里去了
only makes me know I'm doing the right thing.
只會讓我更肯定我做的事是對的
You're stressing me out. I need to eat.
你都把我逼餓了，我得吃點東西
Okay, Louis, are you ready to eat some salad?
好吧，路易斯，你準備好吃沙拉了嗎
Call me the Titanic,
管我叫泰坦尼克號吧
'cause I'm about to tear into some iceberg.
因為我就要大吃冰塊了（撞上冰山）
Great.
好吧
So, for this first shot, Tony's gonna demonstrate the Un-Gun.
所以，第一個鏡頭，托尼會展示陽槍
And then he'll ask, "And how does it work on those salads?"
然后他會問，讓我們看看做出來的沙拉怎么樣
At which point, we will pan over to you,
這個時候，我們把鏡頭切給你
and you're gonna say your line, which is,
你就說你的臺詞，就是
"Onions, shallots, scallions... It does it all!"
洋蔥，胡蔥，大蔥，統統拿下
And then you eat some salad.
然后你就吃兩口沙拉
Got it.
明白
Hey, um, that thing I said about the Titanic earlier,
嘿，我剛剛說的關于泰坦尼克的笑話
I didn't mean to offend anyone.
我不是故意冒犯的
That was a huge tragedy.
那是場巨大的悲劇
All right. Places everyone! Here we go.
好了，各就各位，準備開拍
Hi, Dad. I just wanted to wish you good luck.
爸爸，我只想來祝你好運
Uhp. In showbiz, we say "Break a leg."
在演藝圈，我們管這叫，大放異彩
Wishing someone good luck is actually bad luck.
祝人好運實際上代表壞運
Good to know. Hmm.
漲知識了，嗯
I'm surprised how calm you are.
我很驚訝你居然這么冷靜
If I were in your shoes, I'd be so nervous.
如果我是你，我肯定緊張死了
Nervous? Why?
緊張，為什么
This infomercial is gonna be seen by hundreds of people,
這個廣告宣傳片會在好幾百人前播放
every one of them dissecting your performance,
他們每個人都剖析著你的表演
wondering, "Why this guy?
心里想，這人是誰啊
Why does he get to be the Salad Eater?"
為什么他可以上鏡當那個吃沙拉的人
It's like they're setting you up for failure.
就像他們有意想看你出糗一樣
Okay. Break all your legs!
好了，大膽地大放異彩吧
And let's roll cameras.
現在機位準備
Rolling.
準備
And... action!
開拍
The Un-Gun.
陽槍
It's so easy, the only thing you'll be crying about
操作就這么簡單，唯一會讓你流淚的是
is not getting one sooner.
后悔沒有早點入手
And how does it work on that salad?
讓我們看看做出來的沙拉怎么樣
Onions, shallions, scallots... It does all of them!
洋蔥，胡中，大重，統統拿下
Okay, cut.
好，停
How was that?
我做得怎么樣
Uh, you just mixed up some of the words.
這個，你把幾個單詞弄混了
The line is, "Onions, shallots, scallions... It does it all."
臺詞是"洋蔥，胡蔥，大蔥，統統拿下”
What did I say?
我說的是什么
You said something different, but it doesn't matter.
你說了別的什么，不過沒關系
Let's do it again. Let's, uh, roll camera.
我們再來一遍，機位準備
Rolling.
準備
And... action!
開拍
And how does it work on that salad?
讓我們看看做出來的沙拉怎么樣
Onions, shillions, skillets... It does them all!
洋蔥，蔥大，煮鍋，統統拿下
Cut.
停
Onions, shallots, sicillians... It does them all!
洋蔥，胡蔥，羽紗，統統拿下
Okay, cut.
行了，停
Onions, garlic, galleons... It does them all!
洋蔥，大蒜，大船，統統拿下
Onions, onions, onions...
洋蔥，洋蔥，洋蔥
And cut. Cut, cut, cut. Onions, onions.
停，停，停，洋蔥，洋蔥
Louis. What?
路易斯，什么
Onions, scallions, shallots. It do...
洋蔥，大蔥，胡蔥，同同
"It do."
“同同”
Onions, scallions, shallots... It does them all!
洋蔥，大蔥，胡蔥，統統拿下
Oh! I'm supposed to eat after the line. Sorry.
噢，我該說完再吃的，對不起
Onions, shallions... Kyle, you're in the sho...
洋蔥，胡中，凱爾，你擋著攝...
Onions, shal... Oop!
洋蔥，胡，噢
Oh, I got dressing on my sleeve.
噢，袖子上沾上沙拉醬了
Onions, shallots, scallions.
洋蔥，胡蔥，大蔥
Line?
忘詞了
Cut.
停
Forget it. Louis, I'm so tired.
算了吧，路易斯，我真累了
Good tea.
這茶真好
Why are you whispering?
你怎么說話這么小聲
I'm saving my voice for the infomercial tomorrow.
我得留著嗓子明天拍廣告宣傳片
You're not done yet? You were there till midnight.
還沒拍完嗎，弄到半夜你才回來
I had a little trouble getting the line.
我說臺詞時總不順
But they said it was no big deal.
不過他們說問題不大
We just have to shoot again tomorrow.
明天接著拍就行了
Which means an extra day of location fees.
這樣我們又能多收一天的場地租借費
You okay? I thought you would be excited about that.
你怎么了，我還以為你聽到會很高興
I'm just worried about Eddie.
我在擔心埃迪
What's wrong?
他怎么了
Today I told him not to use the dishwasher,
今天我叫他不準用洗碗機
and he did it anyway.
但他還是用了
We have a dishwasher?
我們家有洗碗機嗎
Then he has the nerve to look me in the eye and lie about it.
而他居然敢看著我說謊，眼睛都不眨一下
Hmm. Eddie has always been...
嗯，埃迪一直是個
colorful, but I'm just starting to worry.
一言難盡的孩子，但我現在開始擔心
Are we raising a bad kid?
我們會不會養了一個壞小子
No way. Eddie's got a good heart.
不可能，埃迪心地很好
He's probably just excited to try out the machine,
他很可能只是急于試試洗碗機
which apparently we have.
看來我們真有這玩意
You're probably right.
大概你是對的
Don't worry. He'll be fine.
別著急，他不會有事的
Could you yell at my mom to turn on her side?
你能不能跟我媽喊，叫她側著睡
I'd do it, but... my instrument.
我本可以喊的，但是我得保護嗓子
That dishwasher
這臺洗碗機
should never have been connected in the first place.
一開始就不應該通上管子
Who knows how much water has been wasted
誰知道我們有多少水
dripping into those hoses?
浪費在這些管子里
It must have cost us a fortune in drips.
一大筆錢肯定就這樣跟著水滴一點一點流走了
You know who's a drip? Ziggy.
你知道誰才跟水滴一樣煩人，齊格
It's like, "Put on some pants."
給人的感覺就是"拜托穿上褲子"
There. You now have a nonfunctioning dishwasher.
好了，現在你們的洗碗機正式壞了
Thank you. Now this machine won't make us soft.
謝謝你，現在這機器再也不能讓我們變得軟弱了
Hello?
喂
What?!
什么
Where's the manager?
經理在哪里
Where is he?!
他在哪
Who?
誰
My son! You called and said you caught him shoplifting.
我兒子，你打電話說抓到他在商場偷竊
Uh, that... that wasn't me.
呃，這個，不是我打的電話
Isn't this Razorshank Records?
這是剃刀柄唱片店嗎
It is.
是的
We have another location in the mall.
我們在商場那邊還有一間店
You need to be clearer on the phone.
你應該在電話里說清楚
And you are in big trouble.
你大禍臨頭了
Razorshank Records...
這是剃刀柄唱片店
Mall location.
商場分店
And that's when I found this CD
然后我就發現他把這張唱片
tucked into his waistband.
別在腰帶上
Eddie, what were you thinking?
埃迪，你當時在想些什么鬼
I know what he wasn't thinking...
我知道他沒有想到什么
All stolen merchandise comes out of Howie's paycheck.
所有被盜商品都要從霍伊工資里扣
But you know who does think about that?
你知道誰會考慮到這點嗎
Howie. Howie thinks about it all the time.
霍伊，霍伊一直記著這一點
I'm Howie, if that wasn't clear.
你們可能沒明白，我就是霍伊
I swear, I didn't steal that CD!
我發誓，我沒偷唱片
I brought it from home.
這是我從家里帶來的
This place buys used CDs,
這家店收購二手唱片
and since you took away my allowance,
因為你取消了我的零用錢
I was gonna sell my old "Street Fighter" Soundtrack
我才打算賣我這張《街頭霸王》原聲舊唱片
for some extra skrill. Oh, really?
來掙點外快的，哦，是嗎
If you weren't stealing,
如果你沒偷
then why was this tucked into your waistband?
那你為什么要把它別在腰帶里
Because my pockets were full of Runts candy.
因為我的褲兜里裝滿了雀巢水果糖
Okay. Let's see this candy. I ate it on the way over here.
好啊，讓我看看你的糖，在來的路上我已經吃光了
That's what they're for. They're my traveling Runts.
糖就是為路上準備的，那是我的外出必備糖
You even ate the bananas? Yeah, right.
你連香蕉味兒的都吃了，信你才怪
Howie, I am so sorry about all of this.
霍伊，這事我很抱歉
He's gonna be in big trouble when he gets home.
等回家以后我會好好收拾他
Oh, he's going to jail.
哦，他會去坐牢的
What?
什么
It's corporate policy to prosecute shoplifters
我們公司的政策，要對商場偷竊者
to the fullest extent of the law.
以法律允許的最高限度施以懲罰
Corporate policy?
公司政策
Your logo is a man slapping a cop!
你們的標志就是一個人在扇警察耳光啊
Maybe there's a bee on his face.
可能是他臉上有蜜蜂吧
We see what we want to see.
仁者見仁，智者見智
Red leather, yellow leather.
紅色皮革，黃色皮革
La, la, la, la, la, la. Hey. Hey, Dad.
啦，啦，啦，啦，爸爸
Emery, I've been practicing all morning
埃默里，我一上午都在練習
and I think I finally got it.
我覺得已經沒問題了
Onions, shallots, scallions... It does them...
洋蔥，胡蔥，大蔥，統統拿
Yeah, about that. I've got bad news.
是哦，關于這個，我有個壞消息
They want someone else to play the Salad Eater.
他們想換人來吃沙拉
What? Who?
什么，誰啊
Emery, we're ready for you.
埃默里，我們給你準備好了
You're the new Salad Eater?
換你來吃沙拉
I happened to be walking by
我正好路過
and heard them saying they were gonna recast you.
聽到他們說要把你換掉
Then the director looked at me through his fingers,
然后導演透過他比劃的手指看著我
and next thing I knew, I had the part.
等我反應過來的時候，就已經得到這個角色了
That doesn't even make sense. Kids hate salad.
這根本不合情理，小孩討厭沙拉
Not Danny Winterbottom.
丹尼·溫特博特姆可不是這樣
Who's Danny Winterbottom?
誰是丹尼·溫特博特姆
My character.
我演的角色
He loves salad because he was raised on a lettuce farm.
他從小在萵苣農場長大，所以他愛吃沙拉
Growing up, his mom would give him salad as a treat.
在他成長過程中，沙拉算是他媽媽給他的獎勵
Oh, I see what's going on here.
哦，我明白是怎么回事了
Making me nervous about being on TV, wishing me luck.
讓我對上電視產生緊張感，又對我說"祝我好運"
You were sabotaging me from the start.
你從一開始就在搞破壞
I don't feel bad.
我可不內疚
When I found out what the lights were,
當我知道那些燈具是做什么用的時候
I knew I wanted to be in front of them.
我就知道我想在它們前面表演
Sorry, Dad. It's "Infomercial," Not "Friend-mercial."
對不起，爸爸，這是"廣告宣傳片"不是"友誼宣傳片”
Sorry how this all went down.
很遺憾這事黃了
Please accept this consolation bobblehead.
請接受這個搖頭玩偶，聊表安慰
We're both sorry. Aren't we, little Tony?
我倆都很遺憾，對吧，小托尼
Yeah.
對了
Do you really think if I were to steal a CD,
你覺得如果我真會去偷唱片
it would be the "Street Fighter" Soundtrack?
我會選《街頭霸王》嗎
"Makaveli" Just came out.
《馬卡維力》（已逝美國說唱歌手）
"Life After Death" Just came out.
《死后生活》（美國說唱歌手"臭名昭著的比格"之絕唱）
Why would I shoplift a two-year-old soundtrack
我為什么要去偷一張已發行兩年之久的
from a movie about a video game?
電子游戲電影的原聲唱片
You'd be amazed at what people try to steal.
人們想偷的東西說出來你會嚇一跳
Last week, my mom made us snickerdoodles
上周我媽做了笑臉曲奇
to celebrate the end of Lent.
來慶祝四旬齋節的結束
Gone.
結果也不見了
Boss, the new Spice Girls CD isn't ringing up.
老板，辣妹合唱團的新唱片的銷售額錄不進去了
The line out front has gone from Baby to Scary.
前臺的隊都從小孩排到老頭了
Excuse me. I have to deal with this.
不好意思，我得處理一下
Don't go anywhere.
你們待在這哪兒也別去
I can't believe you stole.
真不敢相信你居然偷東西
I told you, I'm not a thief. That's what you say.
我說過了，我不是小偷，這是你的說法
But after what happened
但是洗碗機事件之后
with the dishwasher, how can I believe you?
我要怎么相信你
All right. I admit it. I used the dishwasher.
好吧，我承認，我是用了洗碗機
Aha!
啊哈
And I did lie about it, but I didn't steal the CD.
關于這件事我確實撒謊了，但我沒偷唱片
That's the truth.
這是實話
I knew it. I knew you were lying all along,
我就知道，我就知道你一直都在騙我
about the dishwasher, eating my papaya.
你偷用了洗碗機，偷吃了我的木瓜
Oh, I didn't eat your papaya. Papayas are gross.
我沒吃你的木瓜，木瓜好難吃
Those slimy black seeds? Ugh! Hard pass.
那一個個小黑籽，難以下咽
Well, if you didn't eat my papaya, who did?
好吧，如果你沒吃我的木瓜，那是誰吃的
I don't want to say.
我不想說
Eddie, tell me!
埃迪，告訴我
I can't. I live by a code.
我不能說，我做人是有底線的
Howie, put him in jail!
霍伊，送他進監獄
Fine.
好啦
It was Evan.
是埃文
Evan? Really?
埃文，你說真的
It wasn't his fault.
不是他的錯
He didn't mean to eat your breakfast.
他不是故意要吃你的早飯的
He just has a weakness for tropical fruit.
他只是對熱帶水果沒有抵抗力
He also has a clean record, so I took the fall for him.
而且他也沒有前科，所以我就替他頂罪了
I mean, what's another papaya on my rap sheet?
我的意思是，我以前沒有偷吃木瓜的前科吧
You mean you sat and watched me eat your Irish elf cereal
你是說你眼睜睜看著我吃你的愛爾蘭小精靈麥片
just so your little brother wouldn't get into trouble?
就是為了不讓你弟弟陷入麻煩
Yeah. Of course.
是啊，當然
Uh, Mom, are you okay?
媽媽，你還好嗎
I'm proud of you, Eddie.
我真為你驕傲，埃迪
Really? So you're not mad that I lied?
真的嗎，所以你不再因為我撒謊而生氣了
No, I'm not mad.
不，我不生氣
So, you're saying sometimes it's good to lie?
所以，你是覺得有時候撒謊也是好事咯
No. Don't make me mad again.
不是，別讓我又發火
You lied about us having a dishwasher.
你也跟我們隱瞞了洗碗機的事啊
Isn't that hypocritical?
這難道不是虛偽嗎
Eddie, there is something called a "White lie."
埃迪，有種東西叫做善意的謊言
And that is a lie that protects you
這種謊言是用來保護你
from all the things that make white people soft.
不讓你接觸那些讓白人們變得軟弱的東西的
Emery, you were here yesterday,
埃默里，你昨天來過
so you know what we're going for.
你知道我們要什么效果
Yep. I got it.
沒問題，我懂的
Okay. Let's roll!
好了，機位準備
An Asian boy named Winterbottom. Okay, sure, all right.
一個名叫溫特博特姆的亞洲男孩，行，你們說怎樣就怎樣吧
And... action!
開拍
The Un-Gun is so easy to use,
陽槍操作就這么簡單
the only thing you'll be crying about is not getting one sooner.
唯一會讓你流淚的是后悔沒有早點入手
And how does it work on that salad?
讓我們來看看做出來的沙拉怎么樣
Onions, shallots, scallions... It does them all!
洋蔥，胡蔥，大蔥，統統拿下
Yeah, great, but can you do it without all the blinking?
很好，但是你能別一直眨眼嗎
What blinking?
什么眨眼
Cut.
停
Dustin, could you get me a hot tea and six cyanide capsules?
達斯汀，能給我沖杯熱茶再來六個氰化膠囊嗎
Uh, let me talk to him.
讓我跟他聊聊
Dad, did you see the blinking they were talking about?
爸，你看見他們說的眨眼了嗎
Do you think the camera's picking it up?
你覺得攝像機錄進去了嗎
Yeah, I do.
恐怕是的
I guess I'm more nervous than I thought I'd be.
我可能比預想的還要緊張
It's okay. You can do this.
沒關系，你可以做到的
Yes, I was a little upset when I heard about the recast,
沒錯，我聽到要換角的時侯是有點難過
but if it can't be me, I'm happy it's you.
但如果不是我來演，我很開心是你
Salad Eater is the second role you were born to play.
吃沙拉的人是你注定要演的第二個角色
What was the first?
那第一個是什么
Fantastic son.
優秀的兒子
Thanks, Dad.
謝謝你，老爸
I understand now.
我現在懂了
You're trying to throw me off my game,
你想讓我出局
make me think my mediocre performance is fine
讓我以為平庸地表演就可以
so I don't strive to be the best.
這樣我就不會力爭上游了
Well, it's not going to work.
你不會得逞的
What? No...
什么，不是這樣的
Get out of my eyeline.
在我的視線里消失
Let's shoot this thing!
讓我們把這片子拍完
Well, that Spice Girls line was a total nightmare.
排隊買辣妹合唱團唱片的隊伍簡直是場噩夢
A lot more middle-aged men than I thought.
里面中年人的數量超出我的想象
Where were we? Oh, right.
我們說到哪了，對了
I was just about to press charges against your boy.
我正要起訴你兒子呢
You will do no such thing.
你不能這么做
I believe my son. He didn't steal that CD.
我相信我兒子，他沒偷那張唱片
Well, that's nice you believe him,
嗯，你相信他很好
but there's still no way of knowing
但我們還是沒法知道
whether the CD is really his or if he stole it.
這張唱片到底本就屬于他還是他偷來的
I'm gonna call the police.
我要報警了
16 seconds! What?
十六秒，什么
That's the exact moment it skips on track 8.
就在那個時間點唱片會跳到第八節
I know that because it's my CD.
我知道這個因為這是我的唱片
What have we here? A boom-boom box.
看這兒有什么，一個唱片機
Play it.
放吧
I have to fast-forward a bit.
我要快進一下
Hold down the right arrow button.
按住右箭頭鍵啊
Hold it down.
按住它
I'm doing it. There! There.
我在按，看到了嗎，滿意了嗎
Mechanical mix flows
機械混音夾在著人潮
Competition in my dojo
我的道館里充斥著競爭
In my dojo
我的道館里
In my dojo
我的道館里
If the CD skips, you must acquit.
如果唱片跳過去了，你必須還我清白
I guess it is yours. My mistake.
我想這是你的，我搞錯了
"My mistake"? That's it?
我搞錯了，這就完了
You falsely accused my son of being a thief!
你給我的兒子安了個莫須有的罪名，說他是小偷
You need to make this right.
你要補償我們
How would I do that?
怎么補償
You're gonna buy back his music disc at full price.
你要全價買回他的音樂碟片
Or else I will tell everyone that your store profiles Asians.
否則我要廣而告之你的店歧視亞洲人
Institutional bias.
慣性偏見
But it's a "Street Fighter" Soundtrack from two years ago,
可這是兩年前的，街頭霸王，唱片了
a-and it skips.
而且它還會漏節
No one's gonna buy it.
沒人會買的
Eddie, what's that sound like to you?
埃迪，你怎么看
Not our problem.
不關我們的事
Fine.
好吧
Who pays for it?
錢從誰的口袋里出
Howie does. Always Howie.
霍伊，永遠是霍伊
They said the infomercial will air
他們說這個廣告宣傳片
sometime between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m.
會在早上三點到六點之間播出
Mom, will you pass the popcorn?
媽媽，能把爆米花遞過來嗎
You're hungry? I'm surprised you're not full of papaya.
你餓了嗎，真奇怪你居然沒被木瓜撐爆
I said I was sorry. Can't a boy have a hankering?
我說了對不起了，難道一個男孩子不能有點欲望嗎
I can't believe you're gonna be on TV, Emery.
真不敢相信你要上電視了，埃默里
Thanks, Eddie. I'm glad somebody's happy about it.
謝謝你，埃迪，幸好還有人為我感到高興
I told you, I wasn't trying to sabotage you.
我說了，我沒有要破壞你的拍攝
Hmm. Finally, some good acting.
嗯，終于啊，演得挺像啊
Tired of chopped onions turning you into a whiny crybaby?
厭倦了切洋蔥的時候眼淚流得像個唧唧歪歪的小孩嗎
Are you a dumb idiot, wasting everyone's time and money,
你是個浪費大家的時間和金錢
cutting onions the old-fashioned way?
還在用老辦法切洋蔥的白癡嗎
Uh, duh.
呃，傻
Presenting a better way.
讓我們向您展示一個好辦法
Hi. Tony Wonder here
嗨，托尼·旺德在這里
with a miracle machine that makes chopping onions
給大家推薦一款神奇的機器
as easy as pulling the trigger.
能讓切洋蔥跟扣扳機一樣輕松
It's called...
它就叫做
"The Gunion."
噴蔥槍
They stole my name!
他們竊取了我的創意
