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The first love letter
第一封信
Dear Catherine,
親愛的凱瑟琳：
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost, no bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy. I guess, I've never been lost before. You were my true north, I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think some mistake's been made and I'm waiting for God to take it back. But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me. You came into my dream last night with that Smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold or scared or sick I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now. I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliment on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.
對不起，這么長時間沒有和你聊天了。我感覺自己非常迷茫，沒有頭緒，沒有方向，我東倒西撞，不知所措。我以前從未這樣迷茫過。因為你就是我的方向，你就是我的家，只要有你，我總能找到回家的路。請原諒我在你離開時的憤怒，我現在依然覺得，是上帝搞錯了，我一直在等著重來的機會。不過我現在好多了，工作幫助了我，最重要的是，你幫了我。昨晚，你帶著微笑進入了我的夢中，像愛人般擁著我，像對孩子般輕輕地把我搖晃。在夢中，一切是那么的寧靜。醒來時，仍然能夠感到那份寧靜，真想永遠擁有那種感覺。我寫信就是想告訴你，我正啟程趕往那片， 寧靜；我想告訴你，我為許多事感到后悔：后悔沒有更好地照顧 你，不讓你有一絲一毫寒冷、驚嚇和疾病。請原諒我，沒有多花心思找到最恰當的語言來表達我的感受：請原諒我一直沒把紗窗門修好，現在，我修好了。請原諒我曾經和你爭吵；請原諒我不肯向你道歉，我那時太驕傲了：請原諒我沒有給你更多的贊美，贊美你的穿著和發型。原諒我，如果我緊緊地抱著你，上帝就不會把你帶走了。
All my love, G
愛你的G
