4. Agree On How To Argue
Sometime when you’re not even a little angry with each other, sit down and talk about how you fight. Then lay down some rules you both agree to follow during future arguments.

Mary, a 74 year-old mother of four and widow of two shared three of her rules:

Nobody leaves during an argument without saying where they’re going.
Arguments that last longer than 3 days are obviously stupid and will not be allowed to continue.
An argument will never mean that the relationship itself is in question.
Mary’s final rule resonated with me because that’s something I work very hard to do in my own relationships. One of the most difficult but smartest things to say during an argument is, “I love you but I’m so pissed at you about/for/because [insert argument here].” Keeping the argument separate from the relationship status is key to getting things back on track. You could call it a shortcut through very dark woods.
4. 商定如何爭吵

有時候當你對對方很生氣時，坐下然后談論怎么爭論。然后列出一些你們都同意的規則供將來吵架時遵守。

Mary，一位擁有4個孩子的媽媽，兩次喪偶。她分享給大家三條規則：

· 吵架時，在不說清楚到底該怎么辦之前，沒人會離開。

· 吵架吵過三天是明顯的愚蠢，這是不能被準許繼續吵的。

· 一次吵架永遠不代表這段關系它本身有問題。

Mary的最后一條規則和我產生共鳴，因為這是我在自己的愛情關系中所努力去做的。爭吵中一個最難也是最聰明的做法是說：“我愛你，但是我對你很生氣關于/因為/......(爭論內容)”。讓爭吵與愛情關系相分離的狀態是使一切回到正軌的關鍵。你可以稱它為走出迷路森林的捷徑。

來源:可可英語 http://www.ccdyzl.cn/read/201003/99588.shtml