評論
打印
Thus I complied with and encouraged the odd bureaucratic logic of Affirmative Action. I let government officials treat the disadvantaged condition of many Mexican-Americans with my advancement. Each fall my presence was noted by Health, Education and Welfare Department statisticians. As I pursued advanced literary studies and learned the skill of reading Spenser and Wordsworth and Emerson, I would hear myself numbered among the culturally disadvantaged. Still, silent, I didn't object.
因此，我遵從并鼓勵平權(quán)法案古怪而官僚的邏輯。我讓政府官員以我的進步來對待大多數(shù)墨西哥裔美國人的弱勢狀況。每年秋天，我的存在都會引起衛(wèi)生部、教育部和福利部統(tǒng)計員們的注意。當我致力于高級文學研究并學習斯賓塞、華茲華斯以及愛默生作品的閱讀技巧時，我聞知自己被計入文化弱勢群體。我依然保持沉默，不予反對。
But the irony cut deep. And guilt would not be evaded by averting my glance when I confronted a face like my own in a crowd. By late 1975, nearing the completion of my graduate studies at Berkeley, I was so wary of the benefits of Affirmative Action that I feared my inevitable success as an applicant for a teaching position. The months of fall—traditionally that time of academic job-searching—passed without my applying to a single school. When one of my professors chanced to learn this in late November, he was astonished, then furious. He yelled at me: Did I think that because I was a minority student jobs would just come looking for me? What was I thinking? Did I realize that he and several other faculty members had already written letters on my behalf? Was I going to start acting like some other minority students he had known? They struggled for success and then when it was almost within reach, grew strangely afraid and let it pass. Was that it? Was I determined to fail?
但是這種諷刺越來越深。當我在人群中面對像我一樣的臉龐時，我會轉(zhuǎn)移自己的目光，而這并不能消除我的愧疚感。1975年末，我在加州大學伯克利分校的研究生學習即將結(jié)束，我對平權(quán)法案所帶來的益處十分瞥惕，以至于我害怕自己在申請教師職位時必然會成功。那年秋天的幾個月——通常是尋找學術(shù)性工作的時期——我并未申請任何一個學校的教師工作。11月末，當我的一位教授偶然知道這件事時，他非常震驚，隨之感到憤怒。他朝我大吼：是不是我覺得因為自己是個少數(shù)群體的學生，工作就會自己找上門來？我在想什么？我有沒有意識到他和其他幾個老師已經(jīng)為我寫了推薦信？我要表現(xiàn)得像他所知道的其他少數(shù)群體學生一樣嗎？他們努力奮斗尋求成功，然而卻在幾乎靠近成功的時候，莫名地害怕，然后讓成功溜走。是那樣嗎？我下定決心要失敗嗎？
I did not respond to his ques tions. I didn't want to admit to him, and thus to myself, the reason I delayed.
我并未回答他的問題。我不想向他、也不想向自己承認我拖延的理由。
