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But while gender was not openly acknowledged, it was still lurking below the surface.
盡管人們不會公開地討論性別問題，但實際上它一直潛伏在我們身邊。
I started to see differences in attitudes toward women.
我看到社會對女性各種各樣的態度，
I started noticing how often employees were judged not by their objective performance, but by the subjective standard of how well they fit in.
并注意到，對職員的判斷常常不是基于相對客觀的工作表現，而是基于他們在多大程度上能融入公司這種更為主觀的標準。
Given that the summer outing at McKinsey was a deep-sea fishing trip and most company dinners ended with whiskey sipping and cigar smoking,
麥肯錫的夏季員工的出游活動總是深海捕魚，大多數公司的年會也是啜著威士忌、叼著雪茄，
I sometimes struggled to pass the "fitting in" test.
我不得不百般努力才能通過這種“適應”測試。
One night, encouraged by the male partners, I puffed away on a cigar — just one of the guys.
有天晚上，受男同事慫恿，我試著吸了口雪茄——好哥們兒嘛。
Except that the smoking nauseated me and I reeked of cigar smoke for days.
結果，我被煙嗆到有些惡心，好幾天都不想聞到雪茄的氣味。
If that was fitting in, I stuck out.
如果這也算作適應測試的話，我顯然是失敗了。
Others also seemed aware that I was not one of the guys.
其他人似乎也意識到我其實不是什么“哥們兒”。
When I was named the Treasury Department's chief of staff in 1999, several people remarked to me, "It must have helped that you were a woman."
1999年，當我被任命為美國財政部首席幕僚時，有人對我說：“看來做女人也是有好處的。”
It was infuriating. Their intent may not have been malicious, but the implication was clear: I had not gotten the job on merit.
這讓我極為憤怒。他們這么說倒不見得是出于惡意，但明顯話中有話：他們認為我并不是憑真本事得到這份工作的。
I also figured that for every person pointing out my "advantage" to my face, there were probably a dozen others saying it less politely behind my back.
我也明白，既然有人當面指出我的“優勢”，那么在背后很可能還會有更多的閑言碎語。
I considered my possible responses.
我想了想我可能的回應。
I could explain that the last time I checked there was no affirmative action for women at Treasury.
我可以最后再解釋一次，我承認財政部確實沒有什么針對女性的平權行動。
