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My Secret Love Affair with Rock Hudson
我和羅克·哈德森的秘密戀情
The late star's long-ago boyfriend shares their vacation album—and memories of their forbidden romance
這位已故明星很久以前的男友分享了他們的度假專輯——以及他們被禁的浪漫回憶
He keeps the photos in an antique box in his bedroom closet—mementos from a long-ago love.
他把這些照片放在臥室衣柜里的一個古董盒子里，作為很久以前的愛情紀念品。
"We couldn't take any pictures together, only of each other,"says Lee Garlington, 81, a retired investment manager who had a three-year romance with screen idol Rock Hudson in the mid-1960s.
“我們不能在一起拍照，只能互相拍照。”現(xiàn)年81歲的李·加林頓是一位退休的投資經(jīng)理，他在上世紀60年代中期與銀幕偶像洛克·哈德森有過三年的戀情。
The pair, who met when Garlington was a Hollywood extra, had to keep their affair hidden because "being authentically who he was would have shattered his career," says Mark Griffin, author of a new biography of Hudson, All That Heaven Allows, to which Garlington contributed.
加林頓還是好萊塢的臨時演員時他們相識了，他們不得不隱瞞他們的戀情，因為“如果他暴露真實的一面，就會毀掉他的事業(yè)，”馬克·格里芬(Mark Griffin)說。他是哈德遜的新傳記《天堂所允許的一切》的作者，加林頓對此也有貢獻。
Hudson's 1985 death from complications of AIDS brought his sexuality—and the disease's awful reach—out of the shadows. "He became a poster boy for a global pandemic," Griffin notes.
1985年，哈德遜死于艾滋病并發(fā)癥，他的性取向和這種疾病的可怕之處由此浮出水面。格里芬指出：“他成為了一場全球流行病的代言人。”
More than 30 years later, Garlington spoke to People and shared exclusive shots of a trip he and Hudson took in 1963.
30多年后，加林頓接受了《人物》雜志的采訪，并分享了1963年他和哈德森出游的獨家照片。
"He was so handsome," Garlington recalls, "and we had so much fun." We rented a house on the beach in Puerto Vallarta.
“他太帥了，”加林頓回憶說，“我們玩得很開心。”我們在巴亞爾塔港的海灘上租了一棟房子。
He was the biggest movie star in the world, but people left him alone there. They didn't even know who he was. We walked on the beach and took pictures of each other with his camera.
他是世界上最著名的電影明星，但是人們不理睬他。他們甚至不知道他是誰。我們在沙灘上散步，用他的相機互相拍照。
I remember driving around in an open jeep...just living the life of two normal gay men that loved each other. I was 25, Rock was 37.
我記得我開著一輛敞篷吉普車四處兜風……只是過著兩個相愛的普通同性戀的生活。我25歲，洛克37歲。
He never asked me to keep our relationship quiet—he just assumed I would and I did. It was a prescription for financial suicide to admit you were gay. We'd see each other three or four times a week.
他從未要求我保密我們的關系保持——他只是認為我會這樣做，而我做到了。承認自己是同性戀無異于經(jīng)濟自殺。我們每周見面三到四次。
Rock was easygoing on the surface, but inside he was a bundle of nerves—he chain-smoked, and he grated on his thumb with his forefingers until it was concave.
洛克表面上很隨和，但他的內(nèi)心卻非常敏感——他一根接一根地抽著煙，用食指捏著大拇指，直到大拇指凹下去。
He was terrified that his entire life would be ruined by one false step. On the other hand, he was one of the most promiscuous gay men in Hollywood.
他害怕自己的一生會因為一次失足而毀了。另一方面，他是好萊塢最濫交的同性戀之一。
I wanted a father figure, and he was not able to be that—he wanted one too. It was one of the reasons we went our separate ways.
我想要一個父親的形象，但他做不到——他也想要一個。這是我們分道揚鑣的原因之一。
Plus the fact I did not like the Hollywood scene. I didn't know he had AIDS until I read it in the paper.
再加上我不喜歡好萊塢的場景。直到我在報紙上看到，我才知道他得了艾滋病。
I called up the people taking care of him at his home, and they said he wouldn't recognize me and it would be best to remember him how he was.
我打電話給在他家照顧他的人，他們說他認不出我了，最好記住他的樣子。
I feel very guilty for not being there for him. He helped people see that anyone could get AIDS. It was not a "moral affliction" and not a "gay disease."
我為沒有陪在他身邊而感到內(nèi)疚。他幫助人們認識到任何人都可能得艾滋病。這不是一種“道德上的痛苦”，也不是一種“同性戀疾病”。
But he never knew the impact he had. After Rock's death I learned he had told his biographer that his mother and I were the only people he ever loved.
但他從不知道他的影響。洛克去世后，我得知他曾告訴他的傳記作者，他母親和我是他唯一愛過的人。
I broke down and cried. I had no idea. It's so sad that he didn't have the opportunity to live his life the way he wanted to.
我忍不住哭了。我不知道。他沒有機會以自己想要的方式生活，這太令人難過了。
I wish he had been born 30 or 40 years later. He'd be elated about how much has changed.
我希望他在30或40年后出生。他會為發(fā)生了這么大的變化而高興。
