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When it comes to children, fathers often take their cues from mothers.
所有涉及孩子的事，父親都會唯母親馬首是瞻，
This gives a mother great power to encourage or impede the father's involvement.
這就給了母親極大的權力來鼓勵或是阻止父親的介入。
If she acts as a gatekeeper mother and is reluctant to hand over responsibility, or worse, questions the father's efforts, he does less.
如果她總像個看門人似的，不愿意“放權”，甚至還質疑丈夫的努力，那么他就會越做越少。
Whenever a married woman asks me for advice on coparenting with a husband,
每當已婚女人問我怎樣和丈夫一起帶孩子時，
I tell her to let him put the diaper on the baby any way he wants as long as he's doing it himself.
我都會回答：“你就放開手，讓他去給孩子換尿布，只要他親自動手，怎么換都行。
And if he gets up to deal with the diaper before being asked, she should smile even if he puts that diaper on the baby's head.
如果沒等你吩咐他就去給孩子換尿布，那么就算他把尿布戴在孩子頭上你也應該面帶微笑。
Over time, if he does things his way, he'll find the correct end.
讓他自己嘗試去做，久而久之他就會了解正確的方法。
But if he's forced to do things her way, pretty soon she'll be doing them herself.
但如果被迫按照你的方式來，那么很快所有的事情都得你自己動手。”
Anyone who wants her mate to be a true partner must treat him as an equal—and equally capable— partner.
如果希望另一半變成真正的人生搭檔，首先得把對方看成與自己地位平等（也同樣有能力）的好伙伴。
And if that's not reason enough,
如果這么說理由還不充分，
bear in mind that a study found that wives who engage in gatekeeping behaviors do five more hours of family work per week than wives who take a more collaborative approach.
那就再加上一條研究結果：與在家務上與丈夫共同分擔的女性相比，“固守母職”的女性一周會多干5個小時的家務。
Another common and counterproductive dynamic occurs when women assign or suggest tasks to their partners.
女性在給另一半分配或暗示任務時有種常見的心理，這往往導致事與愿違：
She is delegating, and that's a step in the right direction.
她總認為自己是在下指令。當然這在理論上是沒錯，
But sharing responsibility should mean sharing responsibility.
但分擔責任應該是雙方共同的事，
Each partner needs to be in charge of specific activities or it becomes too easy for one to feel like he's doing a favor instead of doing his part.
否則對其中一個人來說，就很容易感覺是在幫對方的忙而不是在盡自己的一份力。
