About a girl who sits on a wall, and thinking about what happened. She just caught her boyfriend cheating with her best girl friend, and as she thinks about this the girl friend comes to her to talk. Funny and sad story at the same time, humoristic drama.The confusion, denial, sadness and anger it causes one to feel, can seem overwhelming. Just like a smoke-addict who claims not to smoke…
I’m still sitting on this wall, the brick chill cutting through my jeans. I take a swig of beer, wipe the condensation from my hand onto the dark denim, watch the smoke from my cigarette curl into the dark woods before disappearing into the sky. I am aware of the club behind me in the same way that I am aware of the seven foot drop under my dangling feet; it’s there but I’m not going to fall.
我依舊坐在這堵墻上，磚塊散發(fā)的寒意刺穿我的牛仔褲。我喝下一大口啤酒，將凝結(jié)在手上的啤酒珠蹭到深色牛仔布上，看著自己吐出的煙霧在空中盤旋，然后進(jìn)入漆黑的樹林，消失在夜空里。我意識(shí)到我身后的夜總會(huì)中的人們對(duì)我的感受，就如同我感受我懸空的腳下七英尺的高度；危險(xiǎn)是危險(xiǎn)，但我不會(huì)掉下去。
Footsteps on the patio behind me. It’s probably just another couple come to take advantage of one of the picnic tables. I place my beer down on the wall next to me ignoring them with a forceful drag on the cigarette. I don’t smoke.
我身后的露臺(tái)上傳來(lái)一陣腳步聲。可能只是另一對(duì)夫婦來(lái)占一張野餐桌。我把啤酒罐放在我身邊的墻頭上，用力地吸了一口煙。我其實(shí)不吸煙。
She’s suddenly there, on the wall with me, and for a moment I’m afraid she has upset the beer can, precariously balanced on the old, crumbly bricks. But no, there it is, safe on my other side. We sit in silence for a moment as she contemplates her intertwined fingers and I continue to watch the dark woods in front of me. I finish my cigarette, stub it out, light another. I don’t smoke.
她突然出現(xiàn)在我身旁的墻頭上。片刻間，我有點(diǎn)兒擔(dān)心她會(huì)弄翻我的啤酒罐，要知道啤酒罐放在這堵老舊且墻磚都已經(jīng)松動(dòng)的墻上本來(lái)就不太穩(wěn)當(dāng)。不過，我擔(dān)心的事情并沒有發(fā)生，我的啤酒還是穩(wěn)穩(wěn)地在我身邊。有那么一會(huì)兒，我依然一言不發(fā)地坐在墻頭上，而她雙手手指交叉沉思著，我則繼續(xù)看著我面前漆黑的樹林。我吸完了一支香煙，把煙頭掐滅，又點(diǎn)燃了另一支。我其實(shí)不吸煙。
She’s looking at me now. I can feel her eyes on the side of my head. “I’m sorry about… I’m sorry.” I do not respond. What response is there? I could tell her I’m sorry too, or that I’m not sorry and neither is he, so why should she be? Or that he was… is… a bastard, or that inside I’m crying but I don’t cry so… but she’s speaking again. The cigarette is shaking; highlighted by my apparent verbal incapacity, I can feel her attention focused on it. I don’t smoke.
此時(shí)，她正看著我。我能感覺到她的眼睛正盯著我的側(cè)臉。“我很抱歉......我很抱歉。”她說(shuō)。我并沒有做出回應(yīng)。我又能怎么回應(yīng)呢？難道我對(duì)她說(shuō)我也很抱歉，或者說(shuō)我沒什么可抱歉的，她也是，可她為什么要對(duì)我說(shuō)抱歉呢？或者說(shuō)他......是......一個(gè)混蛋，或者告訴她我的內(nèi)心在哭泣，但我不會(huì)哭出來(lái)......但她又開始對(duì)我說(shuō)抱歉。我的香煙在顫抖，這讓我的啞口無(wú)言更加明顯，我可以感受到她的注意力已全部集中在我顫抖的香煙上。我其實(shí)不吸煙。
“I hate men.” This said quietly, but with a strange, lightning vehemence that captures my full attention instantly. I glance at her sideways with a laugh that might have passed for a cough. It could have been a cough. I don’t smoke.
“我討厭男人。”她的語(yǔ)氣相當(dāng)平靜，卻帶著一種奇怪的、閃電般的震撼，能夠瞬間抓住我的全部注意力。我瞥了一眼她的側(cè)身，同時(shí)發(fā)出會(huì)被誤認(rèn)為咳嗽聲的笑聲。我們本來(lái)是可以咳嗽兩下的。我其實(shí)不吸煙。
She’s looking at me again, but I’m back in the woods. If I turn my head, I will be able to see her eyes and then I will know what she means. But it’s her move in this strange game we’ve been playing, and I remain still. I feel her look away again. Pass. Her disappointment is palpable, and I wonder what she wants from me, why she cares about my reaction, or lack thereof. I wonder how much she knows. I make my own move with a quick flick of the cigarette. I don’t smoke.
她再次看著我，但我的目光已回到了樹林深處。如果此時(shí)我轉(zhuǎn)過頭，我就能看到她的雙眸，然后就我會(huì)知道她的真正意思。但，正因?yàn)樗谶@場(chǎng)我們一直在玩的奇怪的游戲中的所作所為，于是保持著不動(dòng)。我感到她再一次看向了別處。她放棄了這次機(jī)會(huì)。她的失望顯而易見，我納悶她想要從我這里得到些什么，為什么她在乎我的反應(yīng)或者我的無(wú)動(dòng)于衷。我好奇她究竟知道多少。我快速地彈了一下煙灰，算是我在這場(chǎng)游戲中的又一次行動(dòng)。我其實(shí)不吸煙。
“I don’t like men,” she says again, even more quietly, if that’s possible. I grunt noncommittally before inhaling another lungful of smoke. The red embers glow violently in the night before fading to dull grey ash. I don’t smoke.
“我不喜歡男人。”她再一次平靜地說(shuō)道，語(yǔ)氣甚至比之前更加平靜。我嘴里含糊不清地咕噥著，然后又深深地吸了一口煙。紅色的煙灰余燼在夜里發(fā)出奪目的光芒，然后逐漸褪色為暗灰色的灰燼。我其實(shí)不吸煙。
“No, I mean it. I really don’t like men.” Louder. She gets her desired response. I take the cigarette out of my mouth with the hand previously reserved for beer and look at her. It’s her turn to look at the woods now. When she turns her head, too suddenly for me to pretend not to notice, to look away quickly. Our eyes meet, green on more green. We both know that I know what she means. The next move is mine.
“不，我是說(shuō)真的。我真的不喜歡男人。”她放大了聲音。她得到了她想要的回應(yīng)。我用之前拿啤酒罐的那只手取出了嘴里叼著的香煙，然后看著她。這次輪到她看向那片樹林了。當(dāng)她轉(zhuǎn)過頭來(lái)時(shí)，因?yàn)樘蝗唬覜]來(lái)得及假裝沒關(guān)注她，也沒來(lái)得及迅速轉(zhuǎn)開視線。我們的目光相遇了，兩雙綠色的眼睛彼此相對(duì)。我們倆都知道我了解她的真正意思了。下面該輪到我做出反應(yīng)了。
I should say, me neither, and pretend not to know what she means, turn back to the forest and my cigarette. I should say, me neither, and lean in, close my eyes, close the shallow distance between us, close this game. I should leap down seven feet and she should follow, and whatever happened then would be between our self-control and our fate. But I don’t believe in fate, and I don’t smoke.
我應(yīng)該說(shuō)，我也沒那個(gè)意思，并且假裝不知道她的真正意思，然后轉(zhuǎn)回樹林方向，繼續(xù)吸我的香煙。我應(yīng)該說(shuō)，我也沒那個(gè)意思，并靠向她的方向，然后閉上眼睛，徹底拉近我們之間一層薄紗的距離，結(jié)束這場(chǎng)游戲。我應(yīng)該跳下這七英尺的高度，她應(yīng)該緊隨其后，之后無(wú)論發(fā)生什么都將取決于我們的自制力與命運(yùn)的安排。但我不相信命運(yùn)，我其實(shí)也不吸煙。
I look away from her. “Don’t we all,” I say ruefully as I stub my cigarette out. I swing my legs over the wall, start to leave and turn back. I do not look at her as I collect my beer from its ledge, down it, and crush the can. The metal crumples easily against my hand. I leave her sitting on the wall as I return to the glaring lights and pervasive bass booster, to my drunk and currently–conspicuously-cheating-in-a-corner friend. Without taking my eyes off the unabashed gratification in front of my eyes, I sit down on a stool, take out another cigarette, and ask the bartender for a light. I don’t smoke.
我把目光從她身上移開。“我們倆都不會(huì)。”我沮喪地說(shuō)，同時(shí)熄滅了香煙。我擺動(dòng)雙腿，起身離開墻頭，然后轉(zhuǎn)過身來(lái)，從壁架上取下我的啤酒罐，然后用手將它碾成一團(tuán)，這個(gè)過程中我沒有瞅她一眼。碾成一團(tuán)的啤酒罐在我手里并不顯眼。當(dāng)我回到耀炫目的燈光和無(wú)處不在的重低音中，回到我正在角落里喝的酩酊大醉、爾虞我詐且暗中出軌的朋友身邊時(shí)，她還一個(gè)人坐在墻頭上。我的目光并沒有離開我眼前的這一幕毫無(wú)廉恥的獲得快樂的場(chǎng)景，我坐在一張凳子上，又取出一支香煙，然后向酒保要了一個(gè)打火機(jī)。我其實(shí)不吸煙。