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But he really listens -- because that's all we need -- I'll show you a guy who's done a lot of work.
而是他能真切的聆聽 -- 因為那就是我們所需要的 -- 那我就能給你找到真正能干的男人。
Shame is an epidemic in our culture.
羞恥感是我們文化中的一種流行病。
And to get out from underneath it -- to find our way back to each other,
為了脫離這個困境，找到重歸彼此的路，
we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way we're parenting,
我們必需要理解它是如何影響我們以及它如何影響我們教育孩子的方式，
the way we're working, the way we're looking at each other.
工作的方式，看待彼此的方式。
Very quickly, some research by Mahalik at Boston College.
非常快地分享一些來自波士頓大學馬哈立克的研究成果。
He asked, what do women need to do to conform to female norms?
他提出了一個問題：怎樣做才算是個標準的女人？
The top answers in this country: nice, thin, modest and use all available resources for appearance.
在這個國家排前幾位的答案是：善良，苗條，端莊并且運用一些資源來美化外表。
When he asked about men, what do men in this country need to do to conform with male norms,
當他問人們，這個國家的男人們需要怎么做才算是個標準男人，
the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence.
答案是：永遠喜怒不形于色，工作第一，追求地位以及暴力。
If we're going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathy's the antidote to shame.
如果我們想找到重歸彼此的路，我們必須知道并理解共鳴，因為共鳴是羞恥的解藥。
If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment.
如果你把羞恥放入培養皿，它需要三樣東西來成倍繁殖：隱蔽、沉默，以及裁決。
If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.
如果你放同樣量的羞恥到培養皿里并且澆上共鳴，它就不能存活。
The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too.
在爭執中最有力的三個字：我也是。
