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Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we're supposed to be.
羞恥，對于女人，是一張網，是一張由難以實現的、沖突的、抵觸的期望所織成的關于理想的自己的網。
And it's a straight-jacket.
它是一件緊身衣。
For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations.
對于男人，羞恥并不是一系列彼此沖突的期望。
Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak.
羞恥是一樣東西，不要被認為什么？弱。
I did not interview men for the first four years of my study.
我研究的開始4年中沒采訪過男人。
It wasn't until a man looked at me after a book signing, and said, "I love what say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men."
直到有一天在圖書簽售會后，一個男人看著我說：“我欣賞你關于羞恥感的觀點，我很好奇為什么你沒提到男人。”
And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient."
我說：“我不研究男人。”然后他說：“這倒真是省事啊。”
And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable.
我說：“為什么這么說？”他說：“因為你說要走出去，講自己的經歷，不掩飾脆弱。
But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?"
但是你看到這些你剛剛給我妻子和三個孩子簽名的書了嗎？
I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down.
我說：“嗯。”“她們現在寧愿看著我騎著白馬英勇的死掉，也不愿看到我掉下來。
When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us.
當我們走出去展現脆弱的時候，我們會被亂拳打死的。
And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads.
而且別跟我說，教練啊老爹啊這樣的男人才這么做。
Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else."
因為我生命中的女人們才是對我最殘忍的。”
So I started interviewing men and asking questions.
于是我開始采訪男人，向他們提問。
And what I learned is this: You show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear, I'll show you a woman who's done incredible work.
而我所學到的就是：如果你能給我找到這樣一個女人，她確實能陪在一個被脆弱和恐懼所淹沒的男人旁邊，那么我就能給你找出能完成不可思議工作的女人。
You show me a man who can sit with a woman who's just had it, she can't do it all anymore, and his first response is not, "I unloaded the dishwasher!"
你如果能給我找到這樣一個男人，他可以陪在一個已經快到底線，再也無法承受的女人旁邊，而且他的第一反應并不是：“我把碗都洗好啦！”（意指只會機械地做家務而不懂溝通。）
