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Chapter XV
《我的生活》第十五章
The summer and winter following the "Frost King" incident I spent with my family in Alabama. I recall with delight that home-going. Everything had budded and blossomed. I was happy. "The Frost King" was forgotten.
《冰雪之王》事件之后那一年的夏天和冬天，我是同家人一起在亞拉巴馬度過的。我愉快地找到了“歸家”的感覺。萬事萬物都經歷了抽枝發芽、競相怒放的過程。我很高興《冰雪之王》事件已成為過眼云煙。
When the ground was strewn with the crimson and golden leaves of autumn, and the musk-scented grapes that covered the arbour at the end of the garden were turning golden brown in the sunshine, I began to write a sketch of my life—a year after I had written "The Frost King."
秋天，大地撒滿了深紅色和金黃色的樹葉。散發著麝香味的葡萄藤遮蓋了花園盡頭的涼亭。在陽光的照耀下，一串串葡萄變成了金燦燦的紅褐色。置身其中，我開始用筆勾勒我的生活——此時已經距我寫《冰雪之王》一年有余。
I was still excessively scrupulous about everything I wrote. The thought that what I wrote might not be absolutely my own tormented me. No one knew of these fears except my teacher. A strange sensitiveness prevented me from referring to the "Frost King"; and often when an idea flashed out in the course of conversation I would spell softly to her, "I am not sure it is mine." At other times, in the midst of a paragraph I was writing, I said to myself, "Suppose it should be found that all this was written by some one long ago!" An impish fear clutched my hand, so that I could not write any more that day. And even now I sometimes feel the same uneasiness and disquietude. Miss Sullivan consoled and helped me in every way she could think of; but the terrible experience I had passed through left a lasting impression on my mind, the significance of which I am only just beginning to understand.
此時，我仍舊對我寫的任何東西抱著謹小慎微的態度。我寫的東西也許并不完全屬于我自己——這樣的想法深深地折磨著我。除了我的老師，沒有人知曉我的恐懼心理。這種神經過敏的古怪心理使我對《冰雪之王》事件這類事敬而遠之。因此常會有這樣的事發生，在同老師交談的過程中，當我萌生出一個想法時，我就會對她拼寫出這樣的句子：“我不太肯定這是我自己的。”另外，當我把某段文字寫到中間的時候，我就會對自己說：“你寫的這些東西可能早已經被人寫過了！”一種戲謔般的恐懼感攫住了我的雙手，于是，那一天我會無法再寫出任何東西。直到現在，我還能時常感受到同樣的憂慮和不安。蘇立文小姐想方設法幫我擺脫困境，但是可怕的經歷給我留下了難以磨滅的印記，而對于其中的重要意義我也只是剛剛開始理解。
