Nothing good can come of telling your spouse "you sound just like your mother."
若你對你的伴侶說，“你說話和你媽一個德性”，看吧，那之后準沒好事。
When you're married or in a long-term relationship, some things are better left unsaid. Below, marriage therapists and other experts share 10 phrases and statements to strike from your vocabulary now.
假如你結婚了或處于長期的戀愛關系中，有些話最好爛在肚子里。婚姻治療師和其他專家們建議，下面這九句話最好別再說了。
1. "You never do the dishes. You always just leave them sitting there."
“你從來不洗碗，總在那堆著。”
The dishes are a placeholder for pretty much anything here. Whatever the issue, using accusatory blanket terms like "never" and "always" tends to end the same way every time: with you and your boo engaged in an overblown argument. Plus, there's a good chance your generalization is wrong, said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in Takoma Park, Maryland.
這里的“碗”可以換成很多其他東西。不管是什么，用“從不”、“總是”等一概而論地指責只會帶來一個結果：那就是言過其實、夸大其詞的爭吵。而且，美國馬里蘭州蒙哥馬利學院塔科馬公園分校的心理學家薩曼莎·羅德曼說，這種一概而論的說法很可能是錯誤的。
"Nothing is black and white so telling a partner that she's never on time or he's always selfish can't be right," she told The Huffington Post. "These types of statements only lead to a prosecutor-defendant dynamic, which is not what you want in your marriage."
羅德曼在《赫芬頓郵報》上說，“凡事都無絕對，所以，說你的伴侶從來不準時或總是很自私，這都是片面的。說這種話只能引發一場激烈的辯論，這在婚姻中并不是你所想要的。”
2. "You sound exactly like your mother."
“你說話和你媽一個德性”
When arguing, stick to the issue at hand and keep the focus on the two of you. Introducing nasty comparisons to your in-laws is unfair and ultimately a diversion from your problems, said Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a marriage and family therapist and the author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.
在爭吵時，記得就事論事，不要把矛頭指向你倆以外的人。莎郎·吉爾徹雷斯特·奧尼爾（Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill）是一位婚姻家庭治療師，也是《幸福婚姻小指南》（A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage）的作者。她說，把你的親家拿來比較，說些難聽的話，這是不公平的，最終也會讓你忘了原本要解決的問題。
"Mentioning parents can easily become mean-spirited attacks that interfere with the couple's ability to address the underlying issues," she told HuffPost.
她在《赫芬頓郵報》上說，“伴侶吵架時提及對方父母很可能成為一種刻薄的攻擊，不利于兩個人解決根本問題。”

3."You think you're better than everyone else!"
“你以為別人都不如你嗎！”
Never put words in your partner's mouth or in this case, thoughts in their head. There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling or thinking, so keep the assumptions to yourself, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist in Little Rock, Arkansas.
永遠別對你的伴侶說這句話，也不要讓他/她這樣想。美國阿肯色大學小石城分校的婚姻家庭治療師貝基·惠茨通（Becky Whetstone）說，你不可能知道別人的感受或想法，所以，這句話還是不要說出口為好。
"These statements are aggravating because your spouse knows that what you're accusing them of is not true," she said. "What you're saying suggests you don't think very highly of your S.O. It's a double dose of pain in one sentence."
她說，“這樣的話很讓人惱火，因為你的伴侶知道你的指責是不正確的，而且這么說表示你對你的伴侶并不滿意。這一句話帶來的傷害是雙重的。”
4. "Do I look like I've put on weight?"
“我是不是胖了？”
Questions about weight or changes in looks are the "oldest grenades in the marriage script," said Robyn Wahlgast, a dating and relationship coach for woman.
蘿繽·沃爾加斯特（Robyn Wahlgast）是一位女性婚戀專家，她說，關于體重和外貌變化的問題是“婚姻中一枚最傳統的手榴彈。”
"What you really mean by asking this is, 'I know I've put on weight. I'm unhappy about how I look and I need you to say that you're OK with my current state.'" she said. "These types of questions are all about side-stepping personal responsibility, plus they force your partner into an enabling role."
“問這樣的問題，你其實是想說，‘我知道我胖了，我對我的外表很不滿意，我想聽你說，就算這樣你也喜歡我。‘問這樣的問題純粹是回避個人責任，而且還把責任強加到了你的伴侶身上。”
5. "Have you put on a few pounds?"
“你是不是胖了？”
Blunt, negative remarks to your spouse about his or her appearance are also out of line.
對伴侶的外表進行直接批評也是不合適的。
"Unconstructive criticism of physical appearance is as bad as it gets," Whetstone said. "It's painful because you're suggesting that your partner isn't good enough or that they're less than or defective."
惠茨通說，“對于外表的非建設性批評很不合適，這對你的伴侶是一種傷害，因為這表明你的伴侶不夠好，或者有缺陷。”
6. "You're a horrible parent, breadwinner, lover..."
“作為家長（或一家之主、愛人）你真是差勁”
Put-downs centered around your spouse's family or occupational roles are particularly cruel, said M. Gary Neuman, a psychotherapist based in Miami Beach, Florida.
佛羅里達州邁阿密灘的心理治療師加里·紐曼（M. Gary Neuman）說，對于你的伴侶的家庭或職業身份進行貶低是一件特別殘忍的事。
"Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating," he said. "These roles are so important and tender. When they're questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this."
他說，“對于自我認同的消極評價是毀滅性的。這些身份認同很重要，也很脆弱。在自我認同受到質疑時，我們會受到很大的打擊，也很難原諒這些話。”
7. "Ugh, I hate when you do that." (Said in front of friends or family.)
“哎，我討厭你這樣做”（在親朋好友面前）
Putting your spouse down in front of others is a huge no-no in a relationship, said Whetstone.
惠茨通說，當眾批評對方是伴侶關系中的一大禁忌。
"In this example, you are gathering people against your spouse—and what is worse than that? It is hard to recover from such a boundary violation," she said. "It causes resentment and a lack of trust."
她說，“假如你集結一幫人和你的伴侶唱反調，有什么比這更糟糕？這是一種難以原諒的越界，會導致憎恨和信任的喪失。”
8. "I barely know him—he's just someone I work with."
“我和他不熟，他只是個同事。"
It's almost inevitable that you or your partner will develop a small, innocent crush on someone at some point during your marriage. If that happens, be upfront about it. Don't try to sweep it under the rug with a statement that minimizes your feelings, said Wahlgast.
婚后，難免你或你的伴侶會不經意對別人產生好感。假如這種情況真的出現了，要坦誠面對。沃爾加斯特說，不要試圖輕描淡寫，遮遮掩掩。
"The best way to neutralize the potential destructiveness of your crush is to briefly and simply acknowledge it to your spouse," she said. "Try saying to your husband, 'I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a bit of a crush on that new consultant. He's so funny—his sense of humor reminds me of yours.'"
她說，“要想避免這種好感可能帶來的破壞，最好的方法是向你的伴侶簡短而直接地坦誠你的想法。你可以試著對丈夫說，‘聽起來可能荒謬，但我對那個新來的顧問還挺有好感。他挺有意思，他的幽默感讓我想到了你。’”
Though it may be an uncomfortable subject to broach, ultimately, Wahlgast said being transparent about your feelings "will create more openness with your partner. You'll each feel more comfortable bringing up other taboo subjects in a kind and respectful way."
盡管談論這個話題可能會讓人不舒服，但沃爾加斯特說，終究來看，坦誠你的感受“可以讓你和伴侶之間的關系更加透明。你們今后都會更加舒服地以一種相互尊重的方式談論其他禁忌話題。”
9. "You shouldn't feel that way."
“你不該那么想。”
There's nothing more belittling or condescending than telling your spouse what he should or shouldn't be feeling in any given situation, Rodman said.
羅德曼說，告訴你的伴侶在某種情況下該怎么想、不該怎么想，這是一種特別居高臨下的方式。
"There is no right or wrong way for someone to feel," she said. "Feelings are what they are; try to understand your partner and be curious about his experience rather than dismissing what you don't understand."
她說，“感受不分對錯，感受是客觀存在的，要試著理解伴侶，對他的經歷保持好奇，而不是對你所不理解的東西表示輕視。”