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Divorced family is a good cradle for great actor
離異家庭是好演員的搖籃
Children of divorcing parents tend to be good actors. They put on different masks to fit into their parents' different worlds.
在離異家庭長大的孩子會成為一名好演員，因為他們帶著不同的面具生活在離婚后父母各自不同的世界里。
All of us put on and take off masks depending on whom we're with. I once studied personality by studying letters that famous authors had sent to various people in their lives. I looked at the letters that Viiinia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, and Charlotte Bronte had written to three different life-long friends, over the course of their lives. Each woman had taken on a different but consistent voice for each friend. In other words, Woolf was a different Woolf goofier，or bolder, or more submissive when writing to her sister, her close male friend, or her female lover.
我們是否帶上或摘下面具取決于我們跟誰在一起我曾經(jīng)通過研究著名作家在生活中寫給不同人的信件來研究他們的個性。我看過弗吉尼亞伍爾夫、艾米莉狄金森、夏洛特勃朗特在不同生活階段中寫給故交的信件。在信中她們對每個朋友都用了不同但一致的語氣。換句話說，伍爾夫好像變了一個人,在寫信給姐妹或親密的異性朋友或她的女性戀人的時候,有時傻里傻氣、有時大膽放肆、有時又俯首帖耳。
But we don’t need computer analysis to know that when we’re with different people, we play out different roles, or different parts of our personality come into relief while others parts retreat. Young children of divorce might just have it worse than most: being one side of themselves with mom, and another side with dad.
然而當我們和不同的人在一起的時候我們不霈要由計算機的分析來告訴我們這些，我們扮演著不同的角色或者當其他部分退卻的時候,我們個性中的不同部分開始凸顯出來。離異家庭里年幼孩子們也許在這方面做得尤為突出：因為他們既要做母親的好孩子又要做父親的好孩子。
For example, I know a nine-year-old boy caught between two of his selves. His father essentially left his mother and is now in a new romantic relationship. The boy’s mother, a bit nostalgic, would like to fix the old marriage. When the child spends weekdays with his mother, he does his best to align himself with her world. He allows the sad side of himself to rise to the surface, regretting what’s ending, saying he wished his parents were still a couple. But when he is with his father, every other weekend, he aligns with his father’s wave-length, so to speak, being more active, engaging with his father’s new girlfriend with an exaggerated buoyancy. The boy knows what each parents' respective worldview is, and he tries to fit into that worldview to have fun with that parent. He's performing roles，fuelled by cognitive dissonance: It's easier to believe in the atmosphere around us than to constantly fight it.
比如我認識的一個9歲男孩就生活在兩個自我的中間。他的爸爸徹底地離開了他的媽媽，現(xiàn)在正同別人展開一段新的浪漫關(guān)系。 男孩的媽媽沒有忘記舊情,還想重修舊好。當孩子周末與媽媽在一起的時候，他努力使自己和媽媽的世界保持一致。他表露出悲傷的一面為這樣的結(jié)局嘆息，說著多么希望父母重歸于好的話。但是在另一個周末,當他和爸爸在一起的時候，他又與爸爸激動的情緒保持一致。番如,在與父親的新女友相處時他會帶著略顯夸張的輕松心情,表現(xiàn)得更為活躍。這個男孩知道父母各自不同的想法，于是他試著與他們保持一致來迎合他們。他在扮演不同的角色，差異性的認知助長了這個行為:他更容易融人周圍的氣氛而不是去抵制它。
One massively confusing part of all this for a child is that he doesn’t often know he’s adapting to two different worlds. He just feels moody, and might blame himself far that moodiness: He thinks he's sometimes really depressed and sometimes too buoyant, and doesn’t know why other people don't experience such drastic shifts. He's on a merry-go-round that’s inexplicable. In essence, he's resistant to recognizing that he's playing roles to please two parents who are so different from each other.
給這些兒童造成重大混亂的是他們不會意識到他們處在兩個不同的世界里。他只是悶悶不樂,而且可能會因為太過喜怒無常而責怪自己:他覺得自己一會兒很消沉一會兒又很髙興,也不知道為什么其他人沒有這種情緒上的巨大反差?他無法解釋自己的情緒為什么總像坐旋轉(zhuǎn)木馬。實際上，他不會承認自己在扮演角色以取悅父母,因為那和其他人太不一樣了。
In her 2006 book Between Two Worlds, The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce，Elizabeth Marquardt wrote that children of divorce experience a split existence: They report that they feel like different people with each of their pamits, that their parents are polar opposites (even when they，re not), that they need to keep more secrets from their parents than other kids do, and that they don’t want to resemble one of their parents too much, because it might alienate them from the other parent. Mar-quardt also claims that children of divorce experience especially early pressure to create their own moral systems, because they can not wholehearted endorse Ae rules of two different households.
2006年,伊麗莎白馬卡達出了本書,名為《在兩個世界間，離異家庭兒童的內(nèi)在生活》。在書中，她描寫了離異家庭孩子的分裂世界:他們說跟父母在一起時覺得自已是不同的人,因為他們的父母是兩極對立的(即便他們并不對立),所以他們也需要在父母前保守比其他孩子更多的秘密，他們不想和父母中的一方太相像,因為那可能使他們的父母疏遠自己。馬卡達在書中還聲稱父母離異迫使JL更早地去建立自己的道德體系,因為他們不能一心一意地支持兩個不同家庭的原則。
Marquardt is famous for saying there is no such thing as a “good divorce，' But there is a chance that some of the difficulties of divorce can strengthen personality traits in a child. Unfortunately, these children are forced into an form of adolescent “splitting”—keeping two sides of their personality in two different realms. But they are also forced to stitch together their own code of behavica; If they are able to move from a world of “splitting” (dancing between two radically different selves) toward a world in which these various masks are integrated, perhaps they find themselves with a more varied toolbox for approaching life than many of us have.
馬卡達說過一句著名的話:世上不存在一件“好的離婚”這樣的事。但是經(jīng)歷離婚的遭遇能夠 增強孩子的人格特質(zhì)。不幸的是,這些兒童被迫成為“分裂”的青少年——在兩個不同的環(huán)境保持不同的個性。他們也同時被迫將自己的不同標準和行為編織在一起。如果他們有能力走出“分裂”的世界(周旋于兩個截然不同的世界之間），而朝向需要各種不同面具集成的世界(影視世界）,他們可能會發(fā)現(xiàn),在自己用了這些各色的化妝工具后他們比我們更能接近生活。
