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Instead, I was ivory skinned, without even the excuse of blue eyes or red hair, despite the constant sunshine.
恰恰相反，我看上去皮膚蒼白,甚至不是因為藍眼睛或紅頭發之類的反襯，盡管天天在曬太陽。
I had always been slender, but soft somehow, obviously not an athlete.
我雖然一直很苗條，但不知怎么搞的，老是松松垮垮的，一看就不是運動員；
I did not have the necessary hand eye coordination to play sports without humiliating myself—and harming both myself and anyone else who stood too close.
我手眼的協調性很差，做運動時很難不出洋相，不傷到自己和站得離自己太近的人。
When I finished putting my clothes in the old pine dresser,
把衣服放進了我那口破舊的松木穿衣柜后，
I took my bag of bathroom necessities and went to the communal bathroom to clean myself up after the day of travel.
我拿起我的那袋浴室用品，去了那間公共浴室，洗去了這一天旅行下來的風塵。
I looked at my face in the mirror as I brushed through my tangled, damp hair.
梳理那頭纏結在一起的濕漉漉的頭發時，我照了照鏡子。
Maybe it was the light, but already I looked sallower, unhealthy.
也許是因為光線的緣故，我看上去已經越發發灰發黃、有點不健康了。
My skin could be pretty it was very clear, almost translucent looking—but it all depended on color.
我的皮膚本來可以很漂亮的——非常亮，幾乎透明——只可惜它的顏色發暗了。
I had no color here.
我到了這里變得黯然無色了。
Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself.
面對鏡子里蒼白的自己，我不得不承認是在欺騙自己。
It was not just physically that I'd never fit in.
我到哪兒都不適應的，不單單是身體方面。
And if I could not find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here?
如果我在3000人的學校里都找不到一個容身之所，那么在這里又能有什么機會呢？
I did not relate well to people my age.
我跟自己的同齡人相處不好。
Maybe the truth was that I did not relate well to people, period.
或許，事實是我跟誰都相處不好，就這么回事。
Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page.
就連我媽媽，這個世界上比誰都親的人，都沒有跟我融洽過一回，從來都沒有意見完全一致過。更別提同齡人了。
Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs.
有時候，我在想我眼里所看到的和世上所有其他人眼里看到的是不是同樣的東西。
Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.
也許，我腦袋里哪里短路。
But the cause did not matter.
不過原因并不重要，
All that mattered was the effect.
重要的是結果。
And tomorrow would be just the beginning.
明天不過是剛剛開始。
