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Max, Sophie had a new purse. Everybody has something new.
麥克斯，蘇菲買了新包。大家都有新的東西。
Even the homeless lady on the bus had a new barrette,
連公車上的流浪女都有個新發(fā)夾，
and even though her feet were split open, I still felt jealous.
雖然她雙腳都開裂了，我還是好嫉妒。
Oh, this is not a bill. Now, that's a first.
這不是賬單呢。真新鮮。
"We are offering you a new phone, as older flip-model phones such as yours have been degraded."
"我們要贈送給您一臺新手機(jī)，因為您手上的老型翻蓋手機(jī)已經(jīng)落伍了。"
They're slut-shaming phones now?
他們現(xiàn)在開始羞辱手機(jī)了嗎？
I don't want a new anything. And I like my old flip.
我不想要任何新東西。我喜歡我的老翻蓋手機(jī)。
Where's my damn letter from the pants company, saying, "Girl, those things are tired. Here's a new pair for free"?
褲子公司怎么不給老娘寄封信來說，"姑娘，你褲子都被你穿累了。免費送你條新的吧？"
If you want something for free, why don't you just go on Kickstarter like everyone else?
你想要免費的東西，怎么不跟其他人一樣上圓夢網(wǎng)呢？
You can't use it for clothes. Can you? And if you can, can I?
你不能在上面弄錢去買衣服啊。可以嗎？要是能，我可以嗎？
Why not? It's no stupider than candle arms.
為啥不行？買衣服都沒握把蠟燭蠢。
Now, if the candles had real arms and could slap the idiots who bought them, I'd invest in that.
如果那些蠟燭真有手臂，而且可以扇白癡買家的巴掌，那我絕對會投資。
Max, we have nothing, and if anybody is giving us something for free, we're taking it.
麥克斯，我們一無所有，如果有人愿意白送我們東西，我們就得收下。
You are getting that free phone, and I am begging for free clothes. Things are looking up.
你得去拿那個免費手機(jī)，我也要去求免費衣服。形勢正在好轉(zhuǎn)啊。
You might want to Kickstart some underwear.
要不要先圓個有內(nèi)褲穿的夢。
