Every Saturday it seemed like
好像每個周六
all the guys in my school went to a sleepover.
我們學校所有人都會在別人家夜宿
And every Monday they'd brag about it
然后每個周一他們都會在那些沒
in front of kids who weren't invited... Like me.
受到邀請的孩子們面前吹噓自己的周末...比如我
Man we ate so much cereal.
伙計們,我們吃了太多的燕麥
Yeah we did. Remember when Doug wet the bed?
確實是,還記得道格尿床了嗎?
Sploosh! It's not a party till my sleeping bag's flooded!
四處飛濺呀!直到我的睡袋都被淹沒了這才像是個聚會
Yeah.
是呀!
Sleepovers are corny as hell.
夜宿真是太粗俗了
Right? Those guys are so dumb.
可不是嗎?那群家伙就是蠢貨
Hey Eddie. Wanna come to my sleepover on Saturday?
喂,艾迪,你想周六來我家夜宿嗎?
Yes!
好的!
Wait a minute. Why are you inviting me? Is this a trick?
等等,為什么你想邀請我?你想捉弄我?
No tricks. Trent told me about
沒有,特倫特告訴我
you feeling up that old ladyat the block party.
在街區聚會上你和那個老女人親熱了
He touched her butt. She was like 25.
他摸了她的屁股,那個女人看起來像是25歲
Respect. You're gonna super appreciate
很牛逼,你這周六會
what I've got planned for Saturday.
對我給這周六定點計劃很感興趣的
I've got a dirty magazine.
我拿到了一本色情雜志
"Sports illustrated" swimsuit issue.
“體育畫報”女士泳裝專題,
I hear Elle MacPherson's pretty.
我聽說艾拉·麥克弗森(澳大利亞名模)很漂亮
Obviously none of us had seen a dirty magazine before.
很顯然,我們之前都沒看過色情雜志
It was 1995.
在1995年
It wasn't like you could just say "Siri find me boobs."
你不可能說“Siri找點露點的照片”
My big brother got a subscription
我的哥哥訂了這書
under a fake name... "Todd Thickstone."
用了個假名,托德·吉克斯通
He's on an eagle scout's trip until Sunday
他周日前都在鷹童軍訓練
so it's all ours.
所以它是我們的了
I was mad psyched.
我真的太激動了
I was on the road to making some friends.
我馬上能交上朋友了
No way.
沒門
Why not? It's just a sleepover.
為什么不行?只是個在朋友家夜宿一晚
Because pedophiles.
因為有戀童癖的人
I saw it on the Nightly News.
我在晚間新聞聽說這事
Back in D.C. my mom spent her days
以前在華盛頓的日子,我的媽媽一直
working at my Uncle's furniture store
在我叔叔家的服裝店工作
and her nights karaoke-ing with her friends.
她的晚上都是和朋友在卡拉ok度過的
But since we moved to Orlando
但是自從我們搬到了奧蘭多
she had a lot of time on her hands...
她空閑時間很多
Time she filled watching the Nightly News.
這些時間她大多用來看晚間新聞
Are you at risk for date rape?
你有在約會被強暴的危險嗎?
Are deadly chemicals in your couch?
你的沙發里摻雜著致命的化學品嗎?
Sexual harassment in the workplace...
工作場所的性騷擾...
can it happen to you?
會發生在你身上嗎?
Yes it can.
是的,能
Fear mongering was made for my mom
媽媽聽到這些恐怖消息之后
and her paranoia made the rest of us miserable.
她的妄想癥也讓我們大家感到痛苦
Uh...
額..
Are we still going to the movies?
我們還去看電影嗎?
Only if there's something with Denzel.
只有丹澤爾的電影我才去
Movie theaters are a hot bed for disease.
電影院是疾病的溫床
Nightly News.
晚間新聞說的
"Crimson Tide" is playing.
紅潮風暴在上映
Start the car.
開車去
If you don't let me go to that sleepover
如果你不讓我去參加同學的夜宿
I'm gonna stop eating.
我就絕食
Buddy...
老兄...
I overreached. I see that now.
我過頭了,我明白
Eddie I already told you you can have the sleepover here.
艾迪,我告訴你了,你可以在咱們家舉辦夜宿
I know that we are not pedophiles.
我知道我們都不是有戀童癖的人
The guys won't go for that.
那幫人是不會因為這個來的
I don't have a dirty ma...
我沒有色情雜...
it's just stupid here.
反正我們家不好
You won't believe what happened at work today.
你們肯定想不到今天上班發生了什么
What's going on?
怎么了?
A customer just asked to be seated
一位顧客剛剛想找個位子
but all the tables are full.
但是所有的都已經滿了
Should we... start a waiting list?
我們可以開始列出等候名單嗎?
And then we started a waiting list!
然后我們就列出等候名單了
That's amazing! It's what we've been waiting for!
太不可思議了,這是我們一直所期待的
Oh no. I was afraid of this.
哦,不,我有點害怕這事
Yeah. W-wait. What just happened?
是啊,等等,你說啥?
Eddie what's the thing you always say
艾迪,你總是說
that the fat brown man says?
那個胖胖的皮膚黑黑的男人說的什么?
Mo' money mo' problems? Yes that.
錢越多,事越多?對,就是這個
Now that we are close to achieving our dreams
既然我們正在慢慢靠近我們的夢想
we have to think about protecting them.
我們就要想辦法保護他們
We don't want to be a target for frivolous lawsuits.
我們可不想因為小事而總被起訴
I saw it on the Nightly News.
我曾在晚間新聞看到過這種事
Why do you always find something to worry about?
為什么你總是杞人憂天?
Just relax. Our insurance covers everything.
放松就好,我們的保險涵蓋所有的事
Food poisoning? Covered.
事物中毒?包括
Slip and fall? Covered.
滑倒摔跤?包括
Sexual harassment? Damn you're good.
性騷擾,該死的,算你狠
I knew there would be something.
我就知道會有這些事
We need to do a seminar so that we are not liable.
為了不負法律責任,我們需要舉辦些研討會
I can do it.
我可以做這事
At my family's furniture store I handled employee grievances.
在我家的家具店,我就負責員工的投訴
The employees were you and your sister.
員工一共就你和你的姐姐
That bitch.
那個小婊砸
Jessica don't say itch-bay in front of of the k-i-d-s.
杰西卡,不要在小孩面前說砸婊
Dad we can spell.
爸爸,我們可以拼出來的
Of course you can little man!
當然你可以,小孩子!
Hey you know what? I'm gonna get you an applesauce.
喂,你知道嗎?我去給你拿個蘋果醬
Dad I don't want an apple... Okay I'll have an applesauce.
爸爸,我不想要蘋果...好吧,我要了
Okay.
好的
My mom convinced my dad to let her
我媽媽說服我爸爸讓她
give the sexual harassment seminar
來主持一次關于性騷擾的研討會
by... Well pretty much harassing him.
她通過...額,騷擾老爸的方式
Welcome to the first official
歡迎來到第一次正式的
Cattleman's Ranch sexual harassment seminar.
“牧場主人的牧場”性騷擾研討會
Okay?
可以嗎?
To make sure we always have a pleasant work environment
為了確保我們每一個人都能在舒適的環境下工作
flirting should be avoided at all times.
調情在任何時刻都是被禁止的
Unless you're a handsome man because who doesn't like that?
除非你是個帥哥,因為誰不喜歡帥哥呢?
Ladies let's discuss how to sit.
女士們,讓我們研究下我們的坐姿
Your ankles should be crossed at all times...
你們的腳踝應該一直是交叉的
Unless your thighs make it physically impossible.
除非你的大腿粗到讓你的腿并不攏
You cannot wear any shirts that expose your belly button
你們不能穿露肚臍眼的襯衫
especially if you have an outtie. That's just gross.
尤其如果你要是有外凸的肚臍眼的話,太惡心了
Dirty jokes in the workplace... not allowed. For example...
黃段子在工作場合要禁止,例如...
"A German broad with big honkers walks into a bar."
“一個德國醉漢走進了酒吧”(美國經典笑話的開場)
Okay! That's uncomfortable.
知道了!這不適合
Thank you.
謝謝
Help yourselves to fig Newtons and milk
大家隨便吃點無花果酥和牛奶吧
and laugh about what just happened. Okay.
剛才發生的事就一笑了之吧
And my brother said there's a foldout of Kathy Ireland
我哥說那雜志里有凱西·愛爾蘭的的折疊畫冊
in a white bikini looking "cold"
她穿著比基尼“瑟瑟發抖”
if you know what I mean.
如果你聽懂我的話
I don't. Me neither.
我不懂,我也不懂
But we'll find out on Saturday.
星期六我們就知道了
I have real bad news.I can't come to the party.
我有個壞消息,我不能參加聚會了
Sucks to be you...
你真是太遜了
'Cause I'm also getting a popcorn machine!
因為我搞到了一臺爆米花機
Aw yeah!
真棒!
Dude! Nice!
真棒,老兄
Do you know what might be cool?
你知道什么比較酷嗎?
Is if we do the party at my house.
就是在我家里聚會
Your house? No.
你家?不要
My magazine my party.
我的雜志,我的聚會
Besides does your bedroom have a mini fridge full of...
況且,你的臥室有裝滿,Hi-c ecto coolers(飲料)的
Hi-c ecto coolers?
小冰箱嗎?
The official drink of slimer!
這可是Slimer(卡通人物)的官方代言飲料??!
I was losing my audience. I had to do something quick.
我的觀眾要流失了,我需要采取措施
I have a dirty movie.
我有A片
Eddie's then?
那就去艾迪家?
The guys were coming over for a dirty movie...
那些家伙們會為了A片來我家的
a dirty movie I didn't have.
實際上我沒有A片
To make some friends I had to break some rules
為了交到朋友,我拼了
and your boy was willing to do whatever it took.
我會不惜一切代價
Why are you wearing grandma's coat?
你為什么要穿奶奶的衣服
Because I'm gonna steal a dirty movie.
因為我要偷A片
You don't have to do this. Yes I do.
你干嘛要這么做,我必須這么做
The guys are coming over tonight.
那群家伙們今晚就來了
I'll tell mom. I'll draw butts on your homework.
我會告訴媽媽的,我會在你的作業上面畫屁股
You win. I know.
你贏了,必須的
So that's where I'm gonna steal a dirty movie.
我要去那里偷黃片
Love isn't dirty. It's beautiful.
愛情不骯臟,它的美妙的
Shut up. Now let's do this.
閉嘴,你們聽我的
You guys cause a distraction.
你們負責分散他們的注意力
One... Two three... Raisins! Raisins! They used to be grapes!
一,二,三,-葡萄干,葡萄干,它們的前身是葡萄
Raisins! Raisins! They used to be grapes! Four five six...
葡萄干,葡萄干,它們的前身是葡萄,四,五,六
Raisins!
葡萄干
Where are the cartoons?
動畫片在哪
That's what I'm looking for 'cause I'm a kid!
因為我還是個孩子,我只能看動畫片!
I knew it!
我就知道
I knew you didn't have a dirty movie
我就知道你沒有A片
and that you'd come here to steal one.
你來這兒是想偷一個
But you totally failed.
但是你完全失敗了
Are you gonna tell everybody?
你會把這事告訴所有人嗎
Are you kidding?
開什么玩笑
It'll be much more fun to watch you crash and burn tonight.
看著你今晚悲痛欲絕會更有趣
Let's go raisin thrower. You're outta here.
走吧,扔葡萄干的人,快出去
Don't tell mom! She relies on me!
別告訴媽媽,我還指望我呢
30 31 32...
三十,三一,三二...
33 3...
三三,三...
Yep. Thank you.
謝謝
Okay we apologize if some of you felt sexually harassed
在上個性騷擾訓練中,如果你們當中有人感覺受到了性騷擾
by our last sexual harassment training.
我們表示道歉
Who felt harassed?! Was it you?
誰受騷擾了,是你嗎
I...I... Uh no.
我...我...沒有
Okay stop. Stop.
好啦,打住,打住
Now thanks to my wife
當然“感謝”我的妻子
who opened up this can of worms for no reason
是她沒無緣無故讓情況變得一團糟
I've hired a professional to lead the seminar.
我聘了一位專家來主持這一研討會
So everybody let's give a warm Cattleman's welcome
各位,讓我們以牧場餐廳式的熱烈歡迎
to Dusty Nugget!
致以,達斯蒂,納蓋特!
All right!
好嘞!
All right! Thank you!
很好!謝謝!
So... A little bit about me.
那么...簡單的自我介紹
I was a repeat sexual harassment offender
我曾經是個屢次性騷擾犯
who thanks to a complicated plea deal
多虧了復雜的認罪協議
is now working for the good guys.
現在為正義的一方工作
That's right they Hannibal lectered me.
是的,他們讓我改邪歸正了
Don't be alarmed. I booked on showing not touching.
不要驚慌,我為展示而來,不是因騷擾而來
So... Let's start with the basics.
那么...從基礎開始學起
Is sexual harassment good? Or bad?
性騷擾是好是壞?
Bad?
壞?
That's great.
答對了
Oh great job. Great great job.
做得很好,做得很好
Now I'm gonna give you a little kiss.
現在我要親你一下哦
And freeze.
暫停
What am I doing wrong?
我哪里做錯了?
What?
什么?
Sorry. I'm your neighbor... Eddie.
不好意思,我是你的鄰居,艾迪
Yeah. I see you staring at me always.
是啊,你總是盯著我看
Cool cool. So I know it's weird
酷,所以我知道這很奇怪
but can I take a video of you doing anything?
但我能拍個你的動態視頻嗎
Like homework
像做作業
or washing that car over there?
或是清洗那輛車
No.
不
Hey mom ask me if I'll eat my carrots.
媽媽,快問問我有沒有吃胡蘿卜
No. I can't believe we're paying for all this stuff.
真是不敢相信,我們要為所有的東西付錢
Because of you.
還不是因為你
No one is fond of fondling.
沒有人喜歡被愛撫
You know why it's so expensive?
你知道這些東西為什么貴嗎
Hidden fees.
隱藏費用
I saw a Nightly News once where they talked...
我上次看到晚間新聞上說...
no more Nightly News!
不許再看晚間新聞了!
These are the snacks you got me for my sleepover?
這就是你為我的夜宿準備的零食嗎
Squiddies? What are squiddies?
Squiddies?這是什么東西?
They were on sale
它們正好在打折
and there's a funny octopus on the bag.
袋子上還印著一只可愛的小章魚
Who's squirting ink on a dog!
還把墨水噴到小狗身上
These are for dogs!
這是狗糧!
Dad help me out.
爸爸,快救救我
Eddie you'll be fine. Just play with the legos I bought you.
艾迪,沒事,你就去玩我給你買的樂高吧
Legos?!
樂高?!
Oh welcome to our home! Come in!
歡迎到來,快進來
Eddie is so excited.
艾迪很激動
He's had such a hard time making any friends.
他交朋友到不容易啊
Okay mom. Thanks.
好了,媽媽,謝謝你了
There's pork bone stew on the stove.
爐子上煮的有豬肉骨頭湯
It's good for your hearing.
對你們的聽力很好
Mom...Bye Mrs. Huang.
媽媽,再見,黃女士
Thank you!
謝謝
Where's the dirty movie?
A片呢
Yeah Eddie.
對呀,艾迪
Where's the dirty movie?
A片在哪呢
Okay guys here's the thing...
其實,你們聽我解釋
Is this it?
就是這個?
I don't know what "harassment" means
我不知道“騷擾”是什么意思
but it's got the word "ass" in it.
不過有“騷”在里面喲
You two play in here okay?
你們倆在這里玩,好嗎?
Give Eddie some time with his friends.
讓艾迪和他的朋友一起玩
Grandma what's your favorite color?
奶奶,你最喜歡什么顏色
Prepare to sploosh.
做好狂射的準備吧
We'll see.
等下才知道
Dusty: The workplace is filled with inappropriate characters.
在工作場所總有人舉止不雅
Let's meet some of them.
我們來看看都有哪些
Here we have the "persistent Romeo."
這個是“糾纏不清的羅密歐”
If you select me on Friday night
如果你在周五晚上選擇我
I'll select you for the promotion.
我就給你升職
How about Saturday?
那周六怎么樣?
Sunday?
周日?
Monday?
禮拜一總行了吧?
Then there's "the crooner."
這個是“自戀歌手”
And watch out for "tempting Tanya."
這個是“魅力十足的塔尼婭”
She'll use her sexuality to ensnare you.
她會用她的欲望誘捕你
Great job in the meeting today.
今天在會議上的表現真棒
This is amazing.
太贊了
I can't believe I'm actually watching a dirty movie.
我簡直不敢相信我正在看一本A片
Obviously none of us knew what a dirty movie was.
很明顯我們那時都不知道A片是個什么感念
You butthole. I can't believe you actually did it.
你個混蛋,我真不相信你真的偷出來了
Yo I always do it.
拜托,我是老手了
Next up...
下面是...
sensitivity regarding holiday party planning.
關于對節日派對計劃的敏感性
Yeah!
爽!
My sleepover was a big hit
我的這次夜宿很成功
thanks to dad's sexual harassment video.
這歸功于老爸的關于性騷擾講座的帶子
I couldn't wait to brag about it with my boys.
我等不及要在我兄弟面前炫耀一番
How about the part
那段話經典
where "one for the road Randy" is like
“讓蜀黍下面給你吃”可以用在
come on Jen from accounting. Let's have one for the road"?
“來吧,會計部的珍,讓蜀黍下面給你吃唄對吧?”
Yeah.
就是啊
What a sleepover huh?
昨晚的夜宿很棒,對吧?
Maybe I'll do it again next weekend.
也許我下周還會舉辦一次
Oh we don't need to go back to your place.
哦,我們不需要去你那里看了
We have our own copies.
我們自己都有了一份拷貝
How did you get those? From me.
你們哪里來的?我這里
You ganked my party so I ganked your video.
你奪走了我的聚會,我就奪走你的帶子
You stole my tape?
你偷了我的錄像帶?
I had a kid in the media room make copies.
我有個小弟在多媒體教室復制拷貝
They all have the tapeso... They don't need you
他們都有帶子了,所以...他們不需要你了
How do you sleep at night?
你這樣晚上睡得著嗎?
With two night-lights. I got a big room.
晚上開倆夜燈就行啦,我臥室可大了
Louis we need to install floodlights in the parking lot.
路易斯,我們得在停車場安裝探照燈了
Why?
為啥?
Because bad guys steal babies from the backseats of cars.
因為有壞人會從后座偷小孩子啊
It's a baby selling scheme.
最近賣小孩的可猖狂了
I saw it on "60 minutes."
我在“新聞六十分”看到的
No Nightly News last night.
好吧其實是從晚間新聞看的
They aired a repeat of "Family Matters."
他們把“凡人瑣事”重播了一遍
I know. I saw it. Urkel was hilarious.
我知道,我也看了,烏克爾超搞笑的
You need to stop being so paranoid.
你不要再如此偏執了
We don't know these people down here.
我們對這里的人還不了解
We don't know what they're... capable of.
我們可不知道他們能...干出什么事來
And freeze.
暫停
This is currently not sexual harassment
目前這個情況還不算是性騷擾
but if in the process of making up things got physical
但是再這樣發展下去,有了肢體接觸
well that is a workplace no-no.
那么,絕對是不能在工作場所出現的喲
What are you still doing here?
你怎么還在這里?
The state requires me to be here for one week
政府規定我還得花一周的時間檢查你們
before I can give you your completion certificate.
然后你們才能拿到完整的證書
Uh...
呃...
I'll recommend you to everyone I know.
我會把你推薦給每一個我認識的人
It wasn't long
不久后
before that video spread all over the joint.
這個帶子已經散播到各個角落
It was like the 1995 version of going viral
好像一種1995年的病毒
and it started a sexual harassment revolution
讓性騷擾在我們學校
at my school.
成為一種革命
If you select me as your boyfriend uh
如果你選我當你的男朋友
I'll select you for the promotion.
那么我就給你升職
Nice kick in kickball today.
你今天球踢得不錯
Well aren't you a tempting Tanya?
你可不就是那個魅力十足的塔尼婭?
I like it.
我喜歡
Hey girl. How about we have one for the road?
嘿,妞兒,讓蜀黍下面給你吃吧?
What road?
下什么面?
Uh...
呃...
This got out of hand fast.
這情況無法控制了
I'm confused why we're here.
我不知道為什么要我們來
We traced this video back to your son.
我們追查到你們的兒子和這些帶子有關
It's caused an epidemic.
帶子很流行啊
It's just a sexual harassment training video
這只是個我餐館用來做
from my restaurant.
防止性騷擾培訓的帶子啊
Oh I've watched the video. I know it's completely innocent.
哦,我看了,我知道這帶子沒問題
I'm confused why we're here.
我仍舊不知道為什么要我們來
If the boys think this is a dirty movie
如果孩子們認為這個是成人片的話
they obviously don't know what sex is.
說明他們對性不了解
We're planning a sex Ed assembly.
我們要開一個性教育班
But in the meantime we're encouraging parents
但是與此同時,我們鼓勵父母
to have "the talk" with their sons.
要和他們的孩子們談談那方面
"The talk"? He's still just a kid.
談談那方面?他只是個小孩子啊
Here. We're giving all the parents a copy
給,我們給了所有的父母一份
of the district-approved textbook.
被審核過的教科書
"Flowers & watering cans"?
“花朵與噴壺”?
It's quite lovely. My wife did all the illustrations.
很可愛的,插畫都是我老婆畫的
Oh is that what your wife does with her free time?
哦,你老婆有空的時候就做這個嗎?
My wife worries about sexual harassment
我老婆會擔心性騷擾
razor blades in apples baby thieves
蘋果里有沒有刀片,人販子
my favorite blue sweater getting me mistaken for a gang member...
還擔心我最喜歡的藍色毛衣讓我被誤認為是幫派成員...
it's a nice sweater...For a crip to get shot in.
這么好的毛衣被一個瘸子開槍打穿了不可惜了么
I'm going to apple bee's after this.
我一會要去蘋果蜂(美國餐飲連鎖店)吃飯
Do you think I'll be okay?
你覺得我這樣穿會有事嗎?
No I don't.
會有事的
You're bluffing. You don't have it.
你在唬我,你根本沒有那么大的牌
I'm all in.
我全壓了
She had it Evan.
她的牌有那么大,埃文
Guess he's not a kid anymore.
我覺得他已經不再是個小孩子了
I can't believe it's time to give him the talk.
我實在無法相信我們現在就要與他進行那個談話
I know.
我懂
Well... I will let you know how it goes.
恩...我會隨時向你匯報談話進展的
Aw hell no.
哦,天哪,不
You created this whole situation.
你把事情搞成這樣的
I'll handle this now
我現在要以父親對兒子的身份
father to son.
來處理這件事
"Flowers &watering cans."
“花朵與噴壺”
I can't believe
我實在無法相信
this is how they teach kids about sex here.
在美國他們就是這么教孩子性知識的
Dad can you please just ground me or something?
爸爸,你還是罰我不許出門吧好嗎?
Eddie...
艾迪...
Half the reason I come to this country
我來這個國家一半的原因是
is so you could have lots of sex.
這樣你能夠有更多滾床單的機會
What I mean is Taiwan was so conservative.
我的意思是,臺灣太保守了
You couldn't really have sex before you were married.
你結婚前基本不能與人滾床單
You didn't know
你都不知道
if you and your wife were compatible that way.
你和你老婆在那方面是否和諧
It was dumb luck that your mom and I were.
不過很幸運的是我和你媽那方面挺和諧的
Yo! Sorry.
喲!抱歉
Look I don't want you to go out and have sex tomorrow okay?
聽我說,我并不希望你明天就去外面滾床單,好么?
But this?
但是這本書?
This is just gonna confuse you.
這本書只會讓你困惑
I will tell you the truth if you wanna hear it.
如果你愿意聽的話我會告訴你事情的真相的
Yeah? Okay.
好么?好的
Hmm. Okay where to start?
恩,好吧,從哪里說起呢?
This will sound crazy
這聽起來會很瘋狂
but it's way better than video games.
但比電腦游戲強多了
You know how sneezes feel really satisfying in a weird way?
你是不是覺得打噴嚏有時候會有種滿足感?
Stay away from Arkansas.
離阿肯色州遠點
They outlawed all the fun stuff.
他們把所有有趣的東西(情趣用品)都列為違禁品
Spring break my God.
春假的時候,那叫一個爽啊
I am so excited for you. I might come with.
我為你感到興奮,我可能也會一起去
That's a great question.
那是個很好的問題
I say maybe you burn about 200 calories?
我覺得可能可以燃燒大概200卡路里的熱量?
If you pretend like you have a bad back
如果你假裝你的背受傷了
you don't have to do so much work.
那你就不需要做很多動作
Three words...old "national geographic."
五個字...舊“國家地理”
I like having the lights out
我喜歡把所有的燈都關掉
so I can pretend like we're in a castle.
這樣我就可以想象我身處一個城堡之中
These are not the type of crabs Maryland is known for.
這可不是馬里蘭州那個有名的螃蟹(梅毒)
And most importantly
最重要的是
like we always say during the "S.N.L." monologue
像我們經常在“S.N.L”獨白中所說的
when a musician hosts
當一個音樂家主持的時候
wrap it up.
收工
How'd it go? Good.
談話進行的如何,很好啊
I went over the whole book.
我通讀了整本書
Did you tell him not to date rape?
你告訴他不要在約會時去強奸人家了么?
What?
你說啥?
I felt good after that talk with my dad.
跟我老爸談過之后我覺得好極了
The other guys at school got a bunch of garbage
學校的其他家伙都只是知道了一堆
about watering cans and flowers.
噴壺和花朵的垃圾知識
"Mm let's kiss." "Okay."
嗯,咱們吻一個吧,好啊
But my dad gave me the real
但是我爸爸告訴了我現實是什么
and I was mad appreciative for that.
我對此真的非常感謝
I said to myself when I became a dad
我跟自己說,等我成為一名父親
I'd treat my son with the same resp...
我也要這樣對我的兒子...
Aah! Like that?!
??!像這樣?!
What are you doing?! You like that?! No?!
你干什么?!你喜歡這樣嗎?!不喜歡吧?!
Well girls don't either! No means no! Respect girls!
女孩子們也不喜歡這樣!不約就是不約!要尊重女孩子!
Nightly News!
晚間新聞說的!
Okay okay I won't! God! Ow!
好啦好啦,我不會的!老天爺?。“。?/div>
Okay I may have overreacted.
好吧,我可能是有點反應過度了
Ya think?
你才知道?
Obviously I have too much time on my hands.
很明顯,我是太閑了
I'm in the house all day and it's making me stir-crazy.
我整天呆在家里,都要抓狂了
I think I need to get a job.
我覺得我該找份工作
Here are the classifieds. I circled you several options.
這里是分類招聘廣告,我幫你圈出來了幾個合適的
And?
然后呢?
Do you have anything else you wanna say to me?
你沒有其他什么想跟我說的?
Yes. Go get ready for bed.
有啊,快準備去睡覺
And that you're...
并且你...
His mother and that he still has a bedtime.
他媽媽,并且他依舊到了該睡覺的時間了
But you came at Eddie with a stuffed animal.
但你拿個大玩偶那樣推艾迪
And now you're... s...
現在你...對...
Sewing it up.
對,要把玩偶縫好
Oh come on.
哦,不是吧
I don't have to say "I'm sorry" to him Louis.
我不必跟他說“對不起”路易斯
I gave birth to him.
我生了他
Life is worth a thousand "I am sorrys."
給予他生命可以抵消上千個對不起了
Thanks mommy. It looks as good as new.
謝謝,媽媽,它看起來跟新的一樣好了
This belongs to grandma now. She won it fair and square.
現在它歸奶奶了,她贏得公平公正
Oh that's poker baby.
哦,這就是玩撲克的規矩啊,寶貝
That's poker.
撲克牌的規矩
No. No no no. No no no no. No. No.
別,別,別,停下,停下
Okay students a state-licensed spokesman
好了,同學們,一名州立注冊過的發言人
is here to tell us about our bodies.
要來這里跟我們聊聊我們的身體
One of our parents Louis Huang highly recommended him...
有位家長,路易斯,黃,強烈推薦了他...
Dusty Nugget!
熱烈歡迎達斯蒂,牛街特
Okay!
好的
It's Dusty Nugget. Just "Nugget."
我是達斯蒂,納蓋特,叫我“納蓋特”就行
Okay kids what do you say we keep that applause going
好了,孩子們,你們能持續這熱烈的掌聲
for a special friend of mine I brought along to help us out?
來歡迎一位今天特意到來幫助我們的特殊的朋友嗎?
Huh? They'll hear it for him! Huh?
怎么樣?我們來聽聽他要說什么吧!
Yay! Thanks Dusty Nugget.
好的,謝謝啦,達斯蒂,納蓋特
Wow. What a cool guy huh kids?
哇哦,多酷的人啊,是不是,孩子們?
Hi! I'm Healthy Hamilton.
嗨!我是健康的漢密爾頓
And uh what do you say we just start with some questions huh?
讓我們先從幾個問題開始,好嗎?
Do you have a penis?
你有沒有小雞雞?
Kevin!
凱文!
No it's okay.
不,沒關系
I prefer to think of it as a watering can.
我更喜歡把它想像成是一個灑水壺
So... You guys wanna hear the real?
那么...你們想聽聽真實的是什么嗎?
Sleepover my house Saturday night.
周六晚上在我家夜宿吧
I'll tell you about spring break
我會告訴你有關春假的事
black spring break... no!
黑暗春假...不用了
Uh we're gonna have a sleepover at my house Saturday night.
額,我們周六晚會在我家夜宿
I just got...
我剛剛有了...
A bird that can talk!
一只會說話的鳥哦!
So... Eddie's house then?
那...就艾迪那吧?
Yeah they chose me Brock.
哈哈,他們選擇了我,布羅克
Talk to your bird about that.
跟你的鳥聊聊這個吧