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I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
我最近讀到在二戰期間約瑟夫?斯大林曾有一項研究計劃為了制造超級士兵要讓女人懷上大猩猩的孩子。
What a sick use of science.
太變態的濫用科學了。
Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
只要孩子健康就沒事啦。
I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
不知道斯大林有沒想過使用其他動物。
Hippos are the deadliest creature.
河馬是殺傷性最高的動物。
A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
半人半河馬應該會是狠角色吧。
Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
但當它們餓餓的時候，一種4名玩家控制河馬頭，搶吃彈珠的桌游，你用彈珠就能阻止它們了。
Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala.
是的，制造跨族超級士兵的最佳選擇是考拉。
You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
你可以做出一個超可愛，讓人無法下手的軍隊。
But half-man, half-owl could fly...The answer is cuddly soldiers with big flat noses. Moving on.
但半人半貓頭鷹可以飛...正解就是讓人想抱的大扁鼻子士兵。下個話題。
So, Penny, when's the new job start?
佩妮，新工作什么時候開始？
Next Monday. Did you get a chance to look over the materials I gave you?
下周一。你找時間看了我給你的材料了嗎？
Uh, not yet, but I will. Great. When? I said I'll get to it.
還沒，但我會看的。很好。什么時候？我說了我會去看。
I'm sensing awkwardness, am I right? Yes. Swish.
我好像感覺到場面有些尷尬，是吧？是的。厲害。
I don't want to be pushy, but you've never done pharmaceutical sales before.
我不想一直逼你，但你之前從未接觸過醫藥銷售。
It seems like you could use this time to get a head start.
你可以用這段時間領先其他人啊。
Well, the first few weeks will be all training. They'll tell me everything I need to know.
前幾周都是在培訓。他們會教我一切需要了解的信息。
But imagine how impressed they'd be if you showed up already familiar with the material.
但你想象一下，你去的時候已經對材料很熟，他們肯定會對你刮目相看。
Okay, so what, you want me to be like a teacher's pet?
所以是怎樣，你想讓我當老師的小馬屁精嗎？
Couldn't hurt. Mm, I don't know.
又沒壞處。不知道啊。
Who here has ever been hurt because they were the teacher's pet?
在座這里有誰因為當老師的馬屁精被欺負過？
It was like the rest of the class wanted Ms. McDonald to forget the quiz.
感覺就像班上其他同學想要老師忘了有考試。
Mrs. Davis. Guess who? Dr. Cooper. That's right, good job.
戴維斯小姐。你猜是誰？庫伯博士。沒錯，干得好。
Hello. Uh, you wanted to see me?
你好。你想見我嗎？
Yes. Uh, welcome back. Thank you.
是的。歡迎回來。謝謝。
I assume you'd like to reopen our dialogue about the university forcing me to continue with string theory?
我想你想要再開始大學逼我繼續研究弦理論的談話是嗎？
You mean the dialogue that went, "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No."
你是指談話過程只有"拜托？"、"不行"這兩個詞來回重復的那次嗎？
That's the one.
沒錯。
I believe you went last, so, uh, please?
我記得上一次最后是你回的，所以... 拜托？
Dr. Cooper, while you were away, we came up with a solution that would allow you to change your field of study.
庫伯博士，在你不在的時候，我們想出了讓你可以改變研究領域的方法了。
Pouting and running away actually worked.
撅嘴逃跑真的管用啊。
Yeah, I must say, that may not be a lesson you want to reinforce with me.
不得不說，你可千萬記得不要再逼我干嘛了。
So, um, what is the solution?
所以解決方式是什么？
Currently, you're being paid under a grant to specifically research string theory.
目前大學給你的研究基金是只能做特定領域研究的。
If we promote you to junior professor, you'll be able to choose whatever field of research you'd like.
如果我們將你升為初級教授，這樣你就能想研究什么就研究什么。
But if I'm a professor, then I'll have to teach a class. That is correct.
但如果我是教授，我就得帶學生了。沒錯。
So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money so that I can impart my knowledge to the next generation of scientists? Yes.
所以你的解決方法就是給我升職、給我加薪，然后讓我能把我的學識傳授給下一代的科學家們嗎？沒錯。
You people are sick.
你們這幫人真變態。
Hey. Ready to go to lunch?
準備好去吃午飯了嗎？
Just give me a minute. I'm stimulating the pleasure cells of this starfish.
再給我一分鐘。我在刺激海星的快感細胞。
I just need to turn it off.
等我關了就行了。
What happens if you don't?
如果你不關掉會怎么樣？
Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.
那我就得邊吃午飯邊想著這海星過得比我還"爽"。
Is Bernadette meeting us at the restaurant?
伯納黛特會在餐廳跟我們碰面嗎？
Uh, no. Actually, I didn't invite her.
不會，其實我沒叫她。
How come?
為什么？
Well, ever since she helped me get this job, she won't stop bugging me.
自從她介紹了我這份工作她就一直不停地煩我。
Well, I think she just wants you to do well, and she's worried that you won't 'cause you were just a stunningly poor waitress.
她只想你能做好這份工作，而且她也擔心你會失敗吧。因為你真是個超爛的服務員。
That is not true.
才不是呢。
I'm still waiting on my mini corndogs from two years ago.
我到現在都還在等兩年前跟你點的玉米熱狗呢。
I told you, they'll be right out.
我跟你說了，很快會給你上。
Okay, so no Bernadette.
好吧，沒有伯納黛特。
Well, you saw her the other night. Am I wrong?
那晚你也看見她那個樣子啦。難道是我錯嗎？
No, I just...I feel kind of uncomfortable talking about her like this.
沒有啊，我只是...我覺得這樣說她有點不好。
Usually when someone's being talked about behind their back, it's me and it's right in front of my face.
通常有人在背后說其他人壞話時都是說我的壞話，而且還當著我的面說。
I I'm sorry. I just need a little break from her.
抱歉，我只是想躲開她一陣子。
I understand.
我懂。
You know, there is some research that indicates that sharing negative attitudes about a third party can be a powerful bonding force between two friends.
你知道嗎，有些研究顯示分享對第三方的負面看法能夠加深兩個朋友之間的友誼嗎。
So, what are you saying?
所以你是什么意思？
I'm saying, in the spirit of science, what is that little skank's problem?
我的意思是，為了科學，那個小婊砸到底有啥好不滿的？
So, I've been trying to come up with a cute couple's nickname for me and Emily.
我一直想給我和艾米麗取一個可愛的情侶昵稱。
What do you like better? Emippali...or Koothrapemily?
你覺得哪一個好？艾米帕里還是庫薩帕米麗？
Why is it your last name and her first name?
為什么一定是你的姓和她的名的組合？
Oh, well, her last name is Sweeney, and something just didn't seem right about Koothrapeeney.
她姓斯威尼，庫薩帕威尼聽起來不大對勁兒。
Hey, how'd it go with human resources?
跟人力資源部談得怎么樣了？
Awful.
很糟糕。
Yeah, they're allowing me to move on from string theory, but they made me a junior professor and are requiring me to teach a class.
雖然他們同意讓我研究其他理論，但是他們升我當初級教授還讓我去上課。
I don't understand. Why is it bad that you have to teach?
我不明白了。上課有什么不好？
What a stupid question.
愚蠢的問題。
The kids are gonna love him.
學生們絕對會"喜歡"他。
I can't believe I have to waste my time babysitting a bunch of grad students who probably think dark matter is what's in their diapers.
我不敢相信我得浪費我的時間照顧一群研究生，他們可能覺得暗物質就是尿片里的屎尿。
This might not be that bad. Uh, you like telling people they're wrong.
沒那么糟糕。你喜歡指出別人的錯誤。
Wrong! Just because I enjoyed that one doesn't mean I always do.
錯！我喜歡這么做，并不代表我會想整天這么做。
You enjoy giving people grades.
你喜歡給別人打分。
A valid point, but unoriginal B-minus.
觀點正確，但是非原創 B。
And you love the sound of your own voice.
你喜歡你自己的聲音。
Yeah, well, of course I do.
對，沒錯，我喜歡。
Listen to it. It's like an earful of melted caramel.
聽聽。就像聽到了融化的焦糖。
Look, most importantly, this will let you move on and study dark matter.
最重要的是這樣你才能繼續研究暗物質。
It is true that many of my heroes have taken students under their wings: Feynman, Einstein, Professor X.
我有很多偶像倒是都曾給予過學生幫助[放在翅膀下：費因曼，愛因斯坦，X教授。
Humorously, in the case of Professor X, some of his students actually had wings.
有趣的是，對于X教授來說，他的一些學生還真的有翅膀。
That's rich.
真有意思。
I'll use that one to lighten the mood after my entire class fails the midterm.
等全班學生在期中考試掛科之后我會用這個笑話來逗笑他們。
Measuring starfish serotonin levels in response to one point two molar stimulation of pleasure cells.
通過使用1.2摩爾的快感細胞刺激測量海星的血清素等級。
You like that, don't you?
你喜歡這樣對吧？
That's right, say my name.
沒錯，說我的名字。
Hey, what's going on? Not much.
還好嗎？還行。
You want to get a drink later? Just the two of us?
等會兒要去喝一杯嗎？就我倆？
No Penny? Not tonight. I'm a little frustrated with her.
不叫佩妮嗎？今晚不叫她。我對她有點失望。
Because you got her the job and you think she should be working harder to prepare for it?
因為你幫她找到工作，你覺得她應該好好準備？
So it's not just me. You see it, too!
原來不光是我，你也看到了！
I do, I see it.
對，我也看到了。
It's driving me crazy.
快把我逼瘋了。
Just this afternoon, I saw on Instagram that instead of studying, she went out to lunch and got a manicure.
今天下午，我在她的相冊里看見她沒有好好學習，還跑出去吃午餐，還去做了美甲。
That's outrageous!
太過分了！
I know!
對啊！
If she doesn't do well, th-this could reflect poorly on you.
如果她做不好也會壞了你的名聲。
Exactly. Does she not realize it or does she not care?
是啊。她是不知道，還是不在乎？
I don't know.
我不知道。
The important thing is I am here for you so we can mutually disparage this unpleasing third party.
重要的是，我支持你，所以我們可以一起鄙視這個討厭的第三方。
Hey. We just wanted to see how your class was going. Where is everybody?
我們來看看你的課上得怎么樣了。學生呢？
There is no class.
沒有學生。
Did you send everyone to the principal's office already?
你這么快就把所有人都送去校長辦公室了嗎？
No one signed up. Well, that's not your fault.
沒人報名。這不是你的錯。
I called the department secretary to see what happened.
我打電話問學院秘書是怎么回事。
Apparently, I have a reputation for being obnoxious.
顯然，全校的人都認為我很討厭。
What? Hey, Sheldon, I'm sorry. No, it's fine.
不會吧？謝爾頓，真是抱歉。別，沒事的。
Now I can devote all my time to dark matter.
現在我可以全身心投入到暗物質的研究中了。
Aw, you brought cookies for everyone? Oh, yes. Fig Newtons.
你還給大家帶了餅干？對 "無花果牛頓"餅干。
I was going to ask them: which scientist both helped to develop calculus and had a famous cookie named after him?
我本來打算問他們，哪個科學家既對微積分有貢獻，又有一款餅干以他命名？
And then after someone said "Newton". I was going to tell them they're wrong.
等有人回答"牛頓"。我就告訴他們錯了。
The cookies are named after a town in Massachusetts.
這個餅干是用馬薩諸塞州的一個鎮命名的。
And then I'd throw the cookies away.
然后我再把餅干扔了。
Hey, what if I took your class? Why would you do that?
我來聽你的課怎么樣？你為什么這么做？
Yeah, why would you do that? What's wrong with you?
你為什么這么做？你腦子出什么問題？
I'm thinking about getting my doctorate, and he wants to teach - why not?
我想拿到博士學位他想要教課，正好啊？
Oh, Howard. I appreciate the gesture, but this is a graduate-level physics class.
霍華德。感謝你的提議，但這是研究生階段的物理課程。
I don't think you'd understand a single thing I was talking about.
我覺得你根本無法理解我所講的任何內容。
Ask why not again; I've got an answer.
再問一遍為什么不能來，我有答案了。
Sheldon, I'm more than smart enough to take your class. No. Yes.
謝爾頓，我的智商來聽你的課綽綽有余了。不可能。真的。
How would you determine the ground state of a quantum system with no exact solution?
在沒有精確解的情況下你如何確定量子系統的基態？
I would guess a wave-function and then vary its parameters until I found the lowest energy solution.
我會任意猜測一個基態波函數，通過更改其參數找出能量最低的量子態。
Do you know how to integrate X squared times E to the minus X, without looking it up?
你知道怎么不查書也能求出x平方乘e到負x的積分？
I'd use Feynman's trick - differentiate under the integral sign. Okay.
我會用費曼的秘訣積分符號內取微分。不錯嘛。
What is the correct interpretation of quantum mechanics?
量子力學的正確詮釋是什么？
Since every interpretation gives exactly the same answer to every measurement, they are all equally correct.
每一種詮釋對于每一次測量給出的答案都一樣，所以它們同等正確。
However, I know you believe in the Many Worlds Interpretation, so I'll say that. Now do you think I'm smart enough?
但是我知道你支持的是多宇宙詮釋，所以我會順著你說，現在你覺得我夠聰明了嗎？
No.
不。
Oh, come on. You might've gone to school for a couple more years than me, but guess what-- engineers are just as smart as physicists.
拜托，你也許就比我多上了幾年學，但是工程師和物理學家一樣聰明。
You take that back! No.
你把這話收回去！不。
