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Gentlemen, I put it to you, the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavor.
先生們我告訴你們，最難吃的西米布丁也好過其他口味優質布丁。
First off, that is axiomatically wrong because the best pudding is chocolate.
首先，明眼人都知道這話是錯的，因為最好的布丁是巧克力口味。
Secondly, the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death.
其次，西米的有機結構使布丁黏糊糊搖晃晃，有潛在的致命危險。
It is extracted from the plant...Hey, I'm thinking of growing a mustache.
是從植物里提取...嘿，我在考慮留點胡子。
No kidding? Fu Manchu, a handlebar, pencil? It's extracted from the plant. I'm not sure yet. You know, George Clooney has one now.
不是吧？像傅滿洲那樣的？又尖又長的八字胡？是從植物中提取。還沒想好呢。喬治?克魯尼現在也留胡子呢。
Really? I once saw him shopping at Ralph's. He was buying tequila.
真的？我看到過他在拉弗斯超市買龍舌蘭酒。
You'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey.
你以為他們會有仆人跑腿買酒嗎？
All right, this is cruel. We'd better let him finish before his head explodes.
好啦，太殘忍了。我們還是讓他說完，不然人家要爆頭了。
All right, Sheldon, why is tap...Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant manihot esculenta!
好吧謝爾頓，為啥西...西米由食用木薯根莖提取而成!
Due to a high concentration of cyanide, it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly! Feel better now?
由于富含高濃度的氰化物，其本身有毒性，如加工不當即食用會致命。現在爽了吧？
It is also indigenous to Brazil as is the coa bean, from which we get chocolate, the best pudding.
同時可可豆也是巴西的，從中能提取巧克力做最好的布丁。
And you promised you wouldn't do that anymore! Hey, Hofstadter. Hey, Kripke.
求你們別再耍我了！嘿霍夫斯塔特。嘿克里普柯。
Heard about your latest antiproton decay experiment. 20, 000 data runs and no statistically significant results. Very impressive.
聽說你最新的反質子衰變實驗收集兩萬數據，卻沒啥有用的結果？灰常了得。
What a jerk. Don't feel bad, Leonard. Negative results are still results.
蠢貨一個。別氣餒，蘭納德，負面的結果也是結果。
Even 20, 000 of them. All right! Please don't cheer me up anymore.
就算兩萬又算啥。行啦！求你們別在給我打氣了。
Come on. Don't let him get to you. It's Kripke.
別呀，不要讓他打擊到你，克里普柯算哪根蔥。
Yeah, he's a ginormous knob. That's why he eats by himself instead of sitting here at the cool table. Fo'shizzle.
對呀，他是個大蠢蛋。所以他孤單用餐而不能坐到這酷酷的桌子來。說得對。
It's true Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted.
確實啊，克里普柯確實缺乏咱固有的那種基本社交技巧。
But he also controls the new open science grid computer that I need to use to run some simulations of structure formation in the early universe.
但他還操控著新的開放科學網格計算機，而我需要它來模擬宇宙早期的結構形態。
Well, good luck getting time on it. The only people he lets use it are his friends.
看你有沒有那命用上吧，他可只讓他的朋友使用。
Well, then, the solution is simple. I shall befriend him. Kripke! Yeah?
那解決辦法很簡單嘛，我去和他做朋友。克里普柯！啥事？
What would you say to the idea of you and I becoming friends?
你覺得我們交個朋友如何？
I would say I have no interest in becoming your friend.
我覺得木有啥興趣。
Really? That seems rather short sighted coming from someone who is generally considered altogether unlikable.
當真？你個里里外外不受歡迎的家伙，目光還真是相當短淺呀。
Why don't you take some time to reconsider? Yeah, I'll do that.
不如重新考慮下吧？行呀，我去想想。
Well, I think we're off to a terrific start.
看來咱這開局不錯啊。
There you go. Now any email from Wolowitz will go right into your spam folder.
好了，現在所有沃勒威茨發來的郵件都會直接進入垃圾箱。
Thanks. I mean, the email doesn't bother me as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit.
多謝，其實騷擾郵件倒沒啥，他穿浴衣的度假照比較雷人。
Yeah, I got the same one, and that's not a bathing suit. It's a tan line.
是呀，我也收到了，那可不是浴衣是曬痕。
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. I am leaving a message for Barry Kripke.
你好，我是謝爾頓?庫泊。這是給貝瑞?克里普柯的留言。
Barry, it was pleasant seeing you today in the cafeteria.
貝瑞，很高興在食堂與你邂逅，
I saw that you purchased the chef's salad.
我注意到你買了推薦沙拉，
Apparently, you did not know that the chef's salad is kitchen trickery to utilize scrap meat.
顯然你不知道推薦沙拉是食堂的雜碎肉騙人把戲。
Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it.
不過呢我希望你用餐愉快。
I'm following up on our pending friendship and I look forward to hearing from you regarding its status. Sheldon Cooper.
我在追蹤待定友誼的發展狀況，期待你來電給它定位。我是謝爾頓?庫泊。
What's up with Ichabod? Uh, he's trying to make a new friend. Oh, really? Well, good for him.
膽小發明家又咋了？他在交友呢。真的？不錯嘛。
Well, unless he makes one out of wood like Geppetto, I don't think it's gonna happen.
除非他像杰佩托做出皮諾曹，不然沒戲的。
How did you guys become friends?
那你們咋成為朋友的？
There was a flyer on the bulletin board at the university: "Roommate wanted. Whistlers need not apply."
大學公告板上的一張傳單，招募室友，吹口哨的勿擾。
And you moved in anyway? I assumed he was joking.
你就搬進去了？我以為他說著玩的。
You'd be surprised how many particle physicists have a whimsical side.
你絕對想不到有多少量子物理學家都有反復無常的一面。
What about Howard and Raj? I mean, how did he become friends with them?
霍華德和拉杰呢？我是說他咋和他們好上的？
I don't know. How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.
不知道，碳原子是如何構成苯環的？價電子親近。
Well, sure, when you put it that way. But it all worked out, right?
是呀，你這樣說也是哈。但相處的也不錯是吧。
I suppose. I do miss whistling, though. Oh, come on. Really? First warning.
差不多吧，盡管我很懷念口哨。不是吧？警告一次。
Penny? Penny? Penny? This is for you. Hello, Sheldon.
佩妮？佩妮？佩妮？給你的。你好謝爾頓。
What is this? It's a questionnaire I devised.
這是啥？我設計的調查表。
I'm having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at work so I'm doing a little research to better understand why my current friends like me.
我和一位同事交友遇到點困難，所以我想做些小調查，更好的了解為什么我目前的朋友們喜歡我。
Yes, well, that is a good question. But is this really the best way to figure it out?
嗯，這個問題值得考慮。但你確定這是最好的辦法了？
I agree. The social sciences are largely hokum.
贊同，社會科學很大程度是一派胡言。
But short of putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response to my companionship, this is the best I can do.
但又不能插一個電極到你的大腦探測你對我友誼問題的反應，這方法還湊合了。
Okay, Question one, Rank the following aspects of Sheldon Cooper in order of appeal, Intelligence; ruthless attention to hygiene; playfulness; JAVA applet writing?
好，問題1， 按吸引力程度給謝爾頓?庫泊以下各方面排序，聰明，潔癖，有趣，Java程序編寫者？
I know, I may have started out with a fairly obvious one; an aspect of my most appealing trait: playfulness.
也許頭一個問題答案過分明顯，誰不知道我最吸引人的特質之一，有趣。
Why don't you just go ahead and rank that number one?
你直接把它排到1號吧。
I'm afraid you're on your own for the rest. It should take you no more than three hours.
恐怕剩下的我不能指導你了。用不了三個小時就可以完成。
Well, wait. How many questions are on this thing? Only 211.
等下，這玩意兒有多少個問題呀？區區211個。
Don't worry. In deference to you, I kept them all at a high school graduate reading level.
別擔心，為了照顧你，這份高中畢業就能讀懂。
Thanks, pal. You got it... buddy.
還得謝你哥們兒。客氣啥...姐們兒。
Sheldon, honey, did you ever consider making friends by being, I don't know, pleasant?
謝爾頓親愛的，你有沒有考慮過通過讓人開心來交友？
Well, that's certainly a thoughtprovoking hypothesis. May I suggest it as the topic for your essay?
那當然是一個發人深思的假設，我看你論文寫這題目好了。
Your questionnaire, very disappointing. I answered every question, Sheldon.
你的調查問卷十分讓人失望呀。我逢題必答呀謝爾頓。
You answered the multiple choice questions in a pattern: ABBAC.ABBAC.
你選擇題很有規律嘛，ABBACABBAC。
Oh, you picked up on that, huh? How could I not? Come on. There's over 200 questions.
你發現了哈。我怎么會發現不了？行行好，超過200個問題，
And look at some of these things. Sheldon is to camaraderie as the space shuttle is to blank?
看有些問題吧，謝爾頓之于友誼如同太空梭之于什么？
There are a number of acceptable answers. For example, C Near Earth transport. But certainly not B Avocado rancher.
這里有些適合的答案呀，例如C近地運輸機，但絕對不是B鱷梨種植工。
And your essay suggesting that I'd have better luck making friends if I wait till the Cylons take over?
你在論文里還說等到賽昂人接管地球，我在交友方面會更有運氣。
Please. Now hold on. I put some real work into that.
等等，那篇我可是認真寫的。
Yes, well, it's better than what Wolowitz did. He drew a raccoon with what appears to be a distended scrotum.
是呀，可比沃勒威茨好多了，他畫了一個大陰囊的發情浣熊。
It's kinda cute. Until you get to the scrotum.
還真有點可愛。只要不看它那玩意兒。
What hope do I have for establishing new relationships given that my current friends apparently could not take a few hours out of their lives to help me?
我怎么會有希望建立新的友情關系？現存的朋友們都舍不得用他們漫長生命的少許小時來幫助我。
Sheldon, I'm not going to defend a bigballed raccoon. Well, I don't see how you could.
謝爾頓，我沒打算為大蛋蛋浣熊說話。我看你也說不上話。
What I'm trying to say is that maybe you can't approach this as a purely intellectual exercise.
我想說的是，或許你不能把這些當作純粹智力習題來對待。
What do you mean? Well, remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the Internet?
你什么意思？還記得你怎么在網上學游泳嗎？
I did learn how to swim. On the floor.
我是學過游泳。在地板上學的。
The skills are transferable. I just have no interest in going in the water. Then why learn how to swim?
技巧是相通的。我只是不想到水里去。那你為啥要學游泳呀？
The ice caps are melting, Leonard. In the future, swimming isn't going to be optional.
冰蓋在融化呀蘭納德。未來游泳是不可避免的。
But you do bring up an interesting point. I don't have to break new ground here. I'm sure much of the research already exists.
但你給了我靈感，我用不著做新的研究，肯定很多研究結果是現成的。
No, no, my point is, if you want to learn how to make friends, then just go out to a coffee shop or a museum.
不不，我想說的是如果你想學如何交友，到咖啡店或者博物館。
Meet people. Talk to them. Take an interest in their lives. That's insane on the face of it.
去認識些人和他們交流了解下人家的生活。瘋了唄。
Come on. Where are we going?
走吧。我們去哪兒？
You're driving me to the mall. I'm going to acquire a book that summarizes the current theories in the field of friend making.
你載我去商場，我要去買本現存交友領域的理論大全。
Why don't you just lie down on the floor and swim there?
你干嘛不直接躺地上游過去呢？
Coping with the Death of a Loved One. My condolences. Thank you.
如何面對至愛的離去。節哀順變。感謝你。
Family or friend? Family. Too bad. If it had been a friend, I'm available to fill the void.
家人還是朋友？家人。太遺憾了。如果是朋友，我剛好可以填補空缺。
It's just as well. She smelled like mothballs.
沒關系，她滿身衛生球味道。
Okay, if you're gonna start sniffing people, I'm gonna go get a hot pretzel.
好吧，要是你在這嗅人玩，我去買點熱脆餅。
Excuse me. Do you have any books about making friends?
勞駕，有交友的書嗎？
Um, yeah, but they're all for little kids.
嗯有，但都是寫給小孩子的。
I assume the skills can be extrapolated and transferred.
我想技巧可以推斷，道理相通嘛。
I guess. They're right over there by the wooden train set.
可能吧，就在木火車那邊。
I love trains. I bet you do. Oh, my, that's awfully sticky.
我愛火車。你當然喜歡了。天啊，還真粘。
All right, let's see...
好了我來瞧瞧...
