評論
打印
The Husband-Centered Wife以丈夫為中心的妻子
Recently, Kristin Armstrong famously admitted that her failed marriage to legendary cyclist Lance Armstrong may have been due, in part, to her own faltering sense of self and personal purpose. Looking back, she says, she was too focused on her husband. "Marriage has the potential to erode the very fiber of your identity," she said in a Glamour magazine article in 2006. "If you aren't careful, it can tempt you to become a 'yes woman.' "
最近，克里斯汀 阿姆斯特朗公開承認，她與傳奇車手蘭斯 阿姆斯特朗之間婚姻失敗部分可能是因為自己自我意識和個人目的不夠強。她說，回首過去，自己太專注于丈夫了。在2006年的一期《魅力》雜志中她說道：“婚姻可能會腐蝕掉你自身的一些東西，如果你不小心，它會又是你變成一個只會說是的女人。”
"These wives view themselves as being participants in their husbands' successes," says Haltzman. Cheering on your husband is great, but just don't lose your sense of self in the process, he cautions. "This model can get dangerous when a wife focuses so much on her husband that she loses her personality, her sense of self," he says. By making his career and aspirations the focus, "there's a chance, at some point in the marriage, that you're going to feel that you lost out on something of your own."
霍斯曼說：“這些妻子認為丈夫的成功自己也有份。”他提醒說，為丈夫喝彩很好，但是在這個過程中也不要失去自我感。他說：“一旦做妻子的過于關注丈夫而失去了自己的個性以及自我感，那么他們的關系就變得危險了?！卑颜煞虻氖聵I和抱負作為生活的焦點，“在婚姻中，有時候你會感到你在失去自己的某些東西?！?/FONT>
Haltzman's advice? Shake things up. "It's OK to do things that don't make him happy," he says. Whether it's taking a yoga class at 6 pm—which means he has to make dinner for the kids—or bowing out of his company's holiday party because it conflicts with plans you already made, Haltzman says husband-centered wives shouldn't be afraid to put "me" back into the equation. And, it might even strengthen your marriage (and sex life). "It's part of emotional growth," he continues. "Women can make us better men, but not by doing everything we want."
霍斯曼的意見？改變一些事情。他說：“做一些讓他不開始的事情也沒什么?！辈还苁略谙挛?點去上瑜伽課（這意味著他得給孩子們做晚飯），還是因為與自己的計劃沖突而不去參加他們公司的假日聚會，霍斯曼說，以丈夫為中心的妻子們不應該怕把“我”重新放回平等的位置上。而且，這可能還能夠改善你們的婚姻，甚至是你們的性生活。他說：“這是增長情緒的一部分作用，女人能讓我們成為更好的男人，但光做我們想讓她們做的事情不行?！?/FONT>
The Kid-Centered Wife以孩子為中心的妻子
It's no myth that becoming parents can add stress to a marriage. In fact, a major eight-year study conducted by researchers at Texas A&M and the University of Denver found that as many as 90 percent of couples experience a decrease in marital satisfaction after having children. The common thing that happens, says Dr. Parrott, is for a woman to go from loving wife to devoted mommy. The only problem, he adds, is that sometimes she forgets to make room for her husband too.
有了孩子會增加婚姻的壓力，這不假。實際上，一項由德克薩斯A&M大學和丹佛大學的研究人員共同實施的一項長達八年的重要研究表明，有孩子后，百分之九十的夫妻對婚姻的滿意度下降。派瑞特博士說，最普遍的情況是女性有了孩子后就由一個忠誠的妻子變成了專職媽媽。他還說，唯一的問題是有時候她會忘了應該也給丈夫留點空間。
Kathy Takahashi, a mother of two in Bellevue, Washington, says the birth of her first child brought great changes to her marriage. "In the beginning, the experience of new parenthood was so intense and so overwhelming," she says, "and the needs of my high-need baby so great, that I had neither the time nor energy to spend on my husband."
凱西·高橋是兩個孩子的母親，住在華盛頓州貝爾維尤市，她說第一個孩子的出生給自己的婚姻帶來了巨大的變化。她說：“開始的時候，初做父母的經歷如此強烈，如此不可抗拒，被寶寶需要的感覺如此棒，以至于我既沒有時間也沒有精力去管我的丈夫?！?/FONT>
And now, years later, Takahashi says she's working on ways of realigning her priorities, but it's not always easy. "There's something in me that says I have to respond to every need and want my children express or, somehow, I'm depriving them," she says. "Something's got to give and, sadly, my husband gets bumped way down the list."
現在，很多年過去了，高橋說她正在重新調整重點，但并不容易?！拔铱偸怯X得我該對孩子們的任何要求和希望作出回應，否則，出于某種原因，我會覺得自己在剝奪他們的權利。有些東西必須給與，可悲的是我丈夫就成了最不受關注的對象。”
While no one would suggest that being devoted to your children is a bad thing, don't do it at the risk of your relationship, says Dr. Parrott. "Wives who take this approach care greatly for their children and are wonderful mothers," he continues, "but don't forget to tune into your husband's needs too."
帕洛特博士說，沒人會說你深愛自己的孩子有什么錯，但也不要因為這樣就給你們的夫妻關系帶來風險。他還說：“這樣做的妻子都會很好的照顧孩子，是很好的媽媽，但是也不要忘了諧調一些丈夫的需求?！?/FONT>
How to get back to the way you were? Take Dr. Parrott's advice: "Don't just talk about it, show him that you want to make a change," he says. "Take the initiative to plan a date night, a shared activity. Go do something fun together like you did before you had kids. Guys want a playmate; they don't want to talk. This will speak volumes to your husband."
怎樣回到原來的軌道上呢？帕洛特博士的建議是：“不要只是嘴上說說，而是要讓他看到你正在做出改變。第一步可以計劃一個約會之夜，一起做些什么。一起做一些有趣的事，就像你以前和孩子們一起做的那樣。男人們都想要個玩伴，他們不喜歡談話。這對你丈夫來說可能意味深長?！?/FONT>
