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Every woman has a different approach to marriage, says Scott Haltzman, MD, a professor at Brown University and the author of several books, including The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever. Whether you're more take-charge or easygoing, bossy or nurturing, experts say that you can make a marriage work by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses. Below are the most common wife types. Which are you?
美國布朗大學教授、醫學博士斯科特 霍斯曼說，每個女人婚姻形式都各不相同。他著有多部作品，其中包括《已婚男士幸福秘訣：八種方法永遠贏得妻子的心》。不管你是主控類型的，還是逍遙自在型的，不管你是很專橫還是很有教養，認識到自己的優缺點總是會對你的婚姻有好處的。下面介紹幾種最常見的妻子類型。看看你是哪一種。
The Nurturer哺育者一樣的妻子
If he has a need, you meet it. You make him chicken soup when he's sick. You tuck love notes in his bagged lunches and do the dishes most nights because he seems too tired—after all, you reason, his job is more stressful than yours and he needs some down time. "These are women who are driven by a fundamental need to maintain peace," he says. "The only problem is that when women like this crash, they crash hard."
只要他有要求，你就滿足。他生病的時候你給他燉雞湯，在他的午餐便當里塞上愛心紙條，大多數晚飯由你來做，只因為他看上去似乎很累——你有你的理由，因為你覺得畢竟他的工作比你的壓力大，所以需要時間休息一會兒。他說：“這種女人總是試圖維護平和的生活，唯一的問題就是，一旦這種女人崩潰，她們會崩潰的很嚴重。”
That's how Kathleen Buczko, 46, approached her marriage for many years. The marketing consultant from San Pedro, California, says she tried to be as nurturing as possible to her husband. Only one problem: She became burned out on being the "giver."
46歲的凱瑟琳 布奇科介紹了多年來她處理婚姻的方式。她是加利福尼亞州圣佩德羅的營銷顧問，她說在她的婚姻中她對丈夫總是盡量像個哺育者一樣。唯一的問題是，作為一個給與者她變得筋疲力盡。
"When my oldest was born, I tried to keep up the fa?ade," she says. "I just expected that my husband would sense my exhaustion and step in. He didn't, so about five weeks after our first son was born I was going back to work, and I cracked."
“大兒子出生后，我努力支撐。我只希望丈夫能夠察覺到我的疲憊，然后幫幫我。但他沒有。所以大兒子出生大約五星期后我重新回去上班時突然崩潰了。”
Les Parrott, PhD, cofounder of RealRelationships.com and author of Trading Places: The Best Move You'll Ever Make in Your Marriage, says there's nothing wrong with wives who nurture. However, just be sure you do it without sacrificing your own needs. Mild depression, self-pity and negative expressions or outbursts are all warning signs of a nurturer who is on the verge of collapse—and maybe in need of nurturing herself.
賴斯·派瑞博士是RealRelationships.com的創辦人之一，著有《顛倒乾坤——婚姻中的最佳抉擇》，他說做一個哺育者似的妻子并沒有什么錯，但是，一定要確保這樣做不會犧牲掉你自己的需求。輕度抑郁癥、自憐、否定表達或情感爆發都預示著培育者正處于崩潰的邊緣，或許她們需要哺育一下自己。
The Mothering Wife具有母性的妻子
You make his breakfast in the morning, manage his social calendar, remind him to take his medication and lay out his clothes for work each morning (no white socks with slacks!). And why wouldn't you do these things? You love him and you want him to be well taken care of—and to eat his vegetables!
你幫他做早飯，幫他管理社交安排表，提醒他吃藥，每天早上把他上班要穿的衣服找出來搭配好。為什么不這樣做呢，你愛他，希望給他很好的照顧，想辦法讓他吃蔬菜。
If you have a tendency to mother your husband, you're not alone. According to Haltzman, lots of women do it, and men, for the most part, don't complain. "Men like being taken care of," he says. "It can give him a sense of feeling loved. It can also reduce anxiety about whether his needs are being met. You make his doctor's appointments and you put his medication out for him in the morning, so you don't have to worry about his health."
如果你對自己的丈夫有母性的傾向，那你并不孤單。距霍斯曼說，很多女性都有這種傾向，而大多數男人也樂于接受。他說：“男人喜歡被照顧的感覺。這會讓他們有被愛的感覺，并且還能減輕他們因自己的需求是否能夠被滿足而產生的焦慮。你幫他預約醫生，早上把藥拿給他，這樣就不用擔心他的健康了。”
But, this wife style can come with some concerns. "You could be fostering a sense of dependency that your husband may end up taking for granted," he warns. "The biggest concern is that it can start to create feelings of resentment. The wife starts to feel like the husband is just another child to take care of, and the husband can start to feel like he isn't respected." And, let's face it, he adds, "No man wants to be married to his mother."
但是這種類型的妻子還要注意一些問題。他警告說：“你可能正在培養丈夫的依賴感，到最后可能他會以為這些都是理所當然的。最大的問題是他還能滋生出不滿情緒。妻子會漸漸覺得丈夫就像是自己照顧的另一個孩子，而丈夫會覺得自己沒有得到尊重。”而且，還得面對這一事實，他補充說：“沒有哪個男人想娶個母親。”
Linda Franklin, author and creator of TheRealCougarWoman.com, says she used to mother her husband. "I think it's pretty common for a woman to transfer that mothering instinct to her significant other," she says. "It took me a long time to understand that you can be compassionate and loving without being smothering and controlling. A mother is a mother, and a wife is a wife, and never should those roles get confused."
作家琳達 富蘭克林是TheRealCougarWoman.com的創建者，她說自己總是母親般的照顧丈夫。“我覺得女性將母性本能轉移到自己的另一半身上是相當普遍的情況，我用了很長時間才明白，不用控制或者讓人喘不過氣來也能給與愛喝同情。母親就是母親，妻子就是妻子，角色不該混淆起來。”
Though this dynamic can work for some couples, Haltzman says try not to let your inner mother take over, and be on the look out for the warning signs of a troubled relationship. "When you start to feel annoyed about picking out his clothes in the morning or setting out his vitamins for him to take," he says, "it may be time to step back and rethink how you're approaching the relationship. It's better that his clothes don't match and he forgets the vitamins if it makes for a happier dynamic in the relationship."
盡管這種狀態可能會對一些夫妻有好處，但霍斯曼說盡量還是不要讓內心的母性取代你作為妻子的角色，并要多留意那些表示夫妻間關系出現問題的跡象。他說：“如果你已經厭倦了早上幫他把衣服拿出來放好或者拿藥給他，那就是時候回頭看看你們是怎么變成現在這種關系的了。如果能讓你們的關系更加美好，那么即使他的衣服不配套或者他忘了吃藥也沒什么。”
