評論
打印
The "Little Girl" Wife“小女孩”一樣的妻子
This style, says Haltzman, is characterized by a woman's inability to do much of anything on her own. She's the damsel in distress—the wife who can't change a lightbulb, figure out how to program the DVR or pay the credit card bill without her husband's help. She feels as if she must run all decisions by her husband, and she frequently leans on him for guidance and direction in the way a little girl might lean on her father.
霍斯曼說，這種類型妻子的特點就是表現(xiàn)出來的女性無法獨立做什么事情的那種無力感。她是苦惱的女子——沒有丈夫的幫助，自己就不會換燈泡、不知道怎么制作DVR或者還信用卡。她覺得一切似乎都應(yīng)該由丈夫來決定，她常常像小女孩依賴父親那樣依賴丈夫的指導(dǎo)和說明。
"This dynamic can appeal to a man's desire to be the leader, the provider," says Haltzman. "He can feel reinforced by having someone who values his skills, and she can be reinforced by allowing him to absorb a lot of the stress."
“這種情況可能會滿足男人希望成為領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者或者做決定者的愿望，因為有人承認他的能力，所以男人會感到自己受到了鼓勵，而妻子則因為允許丈夫承受大量壓力也會被獎勵?！?/FONT>
But while a scenario like this can work in the beginning of a relationship, it's hard to sustain it over time, and it can become problematic, he says, fostering loss of respect and resentment. And, he says, "it may feel good at first to have someone in the driver's seat, but after a few years you're going to want to take over the wheel every now and then."
但是，他說，這樣的情節(jié)只有在夫妻關(guān)系剛開始的情況下起作用，很難維持很長時間，很快就會出問題，引起夫妻間的互不尊重或者怨恨。他還說：“剛開始的時候，有人幫你開車可能讓你感覺很好，但過上幾年，你可能時不時的就會想自己開一開了?！?/FONT>
How to make a change? It can be helpful to identify the root cause of this behavior, adds Dr. Parrott. "Look at what's going on beneath the surface," he says. Women who were neglected or who didn't get adequate attention during their childhood can sometimes fall into these roles.
那么怎么改變這種情況呢？帕洛特博士的意見是要找出其根源。他說：“要看看表象下到底發(fā)生了什么。有時候，如果女性在童年時代被忽視或者沒有得到足夠的重視，那她就很可能成為小女孩一樣的妻子?！?/FONT>
The Bossy Wife專橫的妻子
Do you write your husband to-do lists? Get on his case about helping around the house? Restrict his golfing dates and tell him who he can hang out with and who he can't? Don't be too embarrassed; Haltzman says your wife style is actually quite typical. "This tends to be what the majority of American households fall into, the woman taking charge of aspects of the home life, and sometimes the husband," he adds.
你有沒有列個單子告訴你丈夫做這個那個？有沒有讓他在家里幫助做事？你有沒有限制他打高爾夫球，告訴他能和誰一起去，不能和誰一起去？不用覺得很不好意思，霍斯曼說，這種妻子類型其實相當(dāng)?shù)湫汀Ｋ€說：“美國的大多數(shù)家庭會出現(xiàn)這種情況，在這些家庭中，有時候是妻子負責(zé)家庭生活方面，有時候是丈夫。”
A little bossiness is fine, he says. "We men really don't mind Honey Do lists." But, when bossing borders on controlling, you might consider changing your ways. "Men like to joke about the ball-and-chain, but this behavior robs men of independence and leads to a weaker connection between a husband and wife," continues Haltzman. "When you try to control his agenda, he can start to feel as though you're taking away an important part of his manhood: choice." Plus, he adds, taking off the drill sergeant hat once in a while can improve your sex life. "Men want women with at least some sense of vulnerability—this adds to sexual attractiveness."
霍斯曼說，小小跋扈一下沒什么不好。他說：“我們男人真的不在意什么Honey Do lists?！?但是，一旦跋扈到了想控制別人的底部，那就得改變方式了。他還說：“男人喜歡拿球和鏈的情況開玩笑，但是這種行為剝奪了男人的自由，使得丈夫和妻子間的關(guān)系變得薄弱。如果你試圖干涉他的日程，他會覺得好像你在把他男子氣概的一部分——選擇權(quán)——奪走一樣?！绷硗猓€補充到，偶爾把你的教官毛摘下來一次還能有助于改善你們的性生活?！澳腥讼Ｍ酥辽儆幸稽c嬌弱感，這樣的女人會更加性感，更有吸引力。”
The Superwife超級妻子
Your husband doesn't do laundry (remember the time he washed lights with darks—in hot water?), he is a deer in the headlights at the grocery store and the last time he cooked was... back in college—and it was boxed macaroni and cheese. So you step up to the plate... and do it all.
你的丈夫不會洗衣服（他有沒有把淺色衣服和深色衣服一起洗，還是用熱水？），在商店里就像被車燈嚇呆的鹿，他上次做飯時，哦，早在大學(xué)的時候，而且那次做的是盒裝通心粉和奶酪。所以你就開始行動了，自己來做這一期。
Wives that fit this category, says Haltzman, tend to fit the super-mom stereotype. Take Annette Cottrell, 43, a mother of two in Seattle, Washington, who writes the blog SustainableEats.com. In addition to running a small business that pays the mortgage, Cottrell says she's happy to manage her household without much help from her husband, who often works long hours. When it comes down to it, she says, "I tend to do it all—from the cooking to taking care of the kids’ needs."
霍斯曼說，這種類型的妻子往往適合超級媽媽的刻板印象。比如安妮特 科特雷爾，她今年43歲，是兩個孩子的母親，住在華盛頓州的西雅圖，她博客的地址是SustainableEats.com?？铺乩谞栒f，除了為按揭而做些小生意外，她還很高興的管理著家庭事務(wù)，不用丈夫幫忙，因為他總是在工作。說到這個時，她說：“我常常自己做所有事情，從做飯到看孩子，都是自己做?！?/FONT>
But, superwife can quickly turn into super-burned-out wife. In fact, according to recent research, women often suffer from lack of sleep when they try to do it all. "This can get exhausting for the woman," says Haltzman. "She may feel taken for granted and unappreciated, which can lead to unhappiness and a breakdown of communication between her and her husband."
但是，超級妻子們很快會變成超級疲憊不堪妻子。實際上，根據(jù)最近的研究，女性通常會因為她們想自己承擔(dān)所有的事而造成睡眠不足?；羲孤f：“這會使女性感到疲憊。她們可能會覺得這是理所當(dāng)然的而忽略這種疲憊感，這會引起她與丈夫間溝通上的不愉快或者障礙。”
If this sounds like you, the advice isn't to stop doing, but to start asking. Sit down with your husband, advises Haltzman, and make a list of the things he can help you with. But remember, he may not load the dishwasher or wash the kids’ hair the way you do. "Women who are truly happy are those who learn to use their husbands as a resource, not an impediment to their happiness," he adds.
如果你像這一類型的妻子，那么給你的建議并不是說以后就“什么都不做”了，而是要學(xué)會“要求”?；羲孤慕ㄗh是，和丈夫坐下來談一談，列張單子看看他能幫你做些什么。但是記住，他用洗碗機或者給孩子洗頭發(fā)的方式可能會和你不同?！岸美谜煞蜻@個資源會讓女人真正的幸福，而不會成為幸福的阻礙。”
