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It's the new riddle of the Sphinx: “Why didn’t he call me back?” You have a great first date with a promising guy. You think it went well and expect to see him again… but then poof! He vanishes inexplicably. You sit around with your girlfriends and debate why he didn’t call you back. What happened in between “I’ll pick you up at 8pm” and “poof?” You speculate, you obsess, you rationalize, you justify. You want to know why. When your friends tell you, “It’s not you, it’s him,” you want to know if they’re trying to be nice or telling you the truth.
“他為什么不給我打電話呢？”這可是一個難解之謎哦。他是個好小伙，你們倆的第一次約會也十分美滿，你很想跟他繼續交往下去，可是……他卻“噗”的一聲人間蒸發了，真是莫名其妙呀。你跟你的閨蜜們聚在一起，爭論著他不給你打電話的原因——在他決定說出“八點鐘我來接你”和“噗”的一下消失之間到底發生了什么事？你們想啊，猜啊，推理啊，判斷啊，就是想把原因弄個明明白白。可是到最后，朋友們對你說“不是你的錯，是他不好”的時候，你卻不知道她們是在安慰你呢，還是說的實話。
Guess what? There is someone who does know the truth about what really happened on your date. But it’s not you. It’s not your friends. And it’s certainly not your mother. It’s the guy you went out with. So I decided to ask him for you! In fact, I asked 1,000 “hims.” During the past ten years as a dating coach and matchmaker, I conducted “exit interviews” with 1,000 single guys to find out why you never heard from him again after a date, or after he flirted with you online or at a party. And I got some real answers. It turns out there are clear, consistent reasons why men show initial interest and then disappear. Sure, sometimes the issue is all his—who hasn’t gone out occasionally with a real jerk? But it turns out that many times we’re sending out signals we might not be aware of. And the good news is that most of these signals are easy to fine-tune.
你想不到吧，的確有人知道事件的真相，可是這個人不是你，不是你的朋友，當然也不是你的老媽，他就是另一個當事人——跟你約會的那個家伙；所以我決定替你親自“審問”他。呃，事實上，我審問了1000個“他”；在過去的十年里，身為一個約會指導師兼紅娘，我總共對1000名單身小伙作過“分手后的調查”，目的就是找出其中緣故——為什么他會在初次約會之后就杳無音信、為什么他在網上或者聚會上給你送了一噸“秋波”之后卻沒了人影兒。我查到了很多真相，在男人們先是熱情如火、接著卻偃旗息鼓的背后，確實存在著清晰且一致的理由。有時候的確是對方腦子進水了，那種約會中的“傻X”男人，女人們都或多或少遇到過；但另一些時候，是咱們自己沒注意，給他發送出去的是錯誤的“信號”。令人欣慰的是，這些誤會是很容易糾正過來的。
Men essentially confessed that when they first meet you, they have several “female stereotypes” floating around in their mind. They quickly try to peg which stereotype you are and then look for evidence to back up their hunch. You know who you are deep down, but he doesn’t yet. So he will decide whether to call you again based on his perception of you, not the reality. In the early stage of dating, perception is reality. Here are three of the most common reasons men revealed why they aren’t calling women back (get the other 7 reasons - and what you can do about all of them - in my new book).
男士們都承認，在初次見面之前，他們早就在腦海中將女人分了幾個類型，接著他們會迅速地將你歸類，然后在約會中尋覓各種信息、信號，來證明他們的預想。你了解自己，可他不了解啊，所以他就根據對你的印象、而不是你的“真我”來決定是否再次約你、跟你交往下去。在兩人約會的初期，男人是把“直覺中的你”當做“真的你”來對待了。下面列出的是三個最常見的原因，導致了男人的急流勇退（其余七條以及應對措施，請參看拙著）。
