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Remove emotions from financial talk. From your first meetings about financial goals to your subsequent weekly talks (see Step 5), it’s important that the two of you stay calm, don’t get hurt or angry over any of the issues, and try to look at these issues objectively. Often financial issues are tied up in all kinds of emotional issues, stemming from childhood, from issues of security to feeling like your way is better to feeling hurt if your way of spending is criticized in any way, and much more. These emotional issues are all tangled together with financial issues, and it’s important that you untangle them and just deal with financial goals and habits. First, don’t use emotional, accusatory, or inflammatory language. Don’t blame the other person or even be negatively critical. Simply talk about your financial goals, developing a plan for getting to those goals, developing a system for dealing with finances, and so forth. Also try not to feel like you’re under attack if the other person talks about your goals or habits — let this be an open discussion, and if you feel under attack, stop and take a breath and remember that this isn’t a discussion about you personally but about how the two of you are going to meet your goals. Again, think of this as a team effort, not as a you-vs-me effort.
2. 交談中要排除情緒的干擾。
從你們的第一次有關金錢上的目標的談話到之后的每周一談（參見第五步），重要的一點是兩個人都要保持冷靜，不要在任何的話題上受傷或者生氣，并嘗試客觀地看待問題。通常金錢上的問題會跟情感糾結在一起。這些情感源自于童年也好，自我防護意識也罷，都比你因為你的消費而遭受批評而受傷來得好。這些情感都與金錢問題交織在一起，重要的是你們要把它們分開來，只是處理金融目標和各自的愛好而已。首先，不要使用情緒化的，非難的，或者是激動的言語。不要責怪另一半或者是對另一半有非議。要單純地商談你們的金融目標，制止一個計劃去實現這些目標，或擬定一種機制去處理這些目標等諸如此類的東西。還有，當另一半在談著你的目標和愛好時，盡量不要感覺自己象是在被攻擊，靜下來并深呼吸，提醒自己這不僅僅是在談論你自己而已，而是在商談實現你們共同目標的解決之道。再一次，出發點是兩個人，而不是你我間的較量。
