評論
打印
Members of the Class of 2006, friends, faculty, parents, members of the Taliban: Thank you very much. What? What? Oh, come on. Come on. What are you going to do, bury me up to my head in the sand? Something, come on. Hey, I've been there. I've been there.
2006屆的畢業生，各位朋友，全體教職員工，各位家長以及塔利班分子，非常感謝你們！什么？你說什么？哦，你們打算做什么？活埋了我？來吧，來吧！嘿，我去過那兒，我親身經歷過塔利班的統治。
I have to be honest, I was a bit nervous to come back to Yale. I graduated with the Class of 1989, 17 years ago, and I still have this recurring nightmare. I still have this recurring nightmare. Trumbull, yes, thank you. Trumbull. Sure, why not? I still have this recurring nightmare that there's some exam I haven't completed in one of those throwaway science courses like you know Intro. to Psych or something. Oh, come on. I love Intro. to Psych. I just really didn't want to take a science course. And actually last night I literally had a dream that the campus police had an outstanding warrant for my arrest if I returned to Yale. So I was a little bit nervous.
坦白說，重返耶魯我確實有點緊張。17年前，也就是1989年，我從這里畢業，但是噩夢至今仍沒有結束。噩夢仍糾纏不休。特蘭布爾，沒錯，這當然得感謝特蘭布爾學院，為什么不呢？我至今仍會做這樣的噩夢，夢到自己還有某一科考試沒有完成，都是一些垃圾學科的考試，比如《心理學入門》。事實上，我挺喜歡《心理學入門》，只是很不愿意學習理科。昨天晚上我確實做了一個夢，夢見我一旦回到耶魯大學，校警衛將有充分的理由將我逮捕。所以我確實有點兒緊張。
And the other reason I was reluctant to return to campus is that being here actually allows the Yale Alumni Association to get a pinpoint on me. Because you don't know this about the Yale Alumni Association yet, but let me just warn you: for the rest of your life, they will hunt you down. No matter where you go, no matter what country you live in, they will find you, and they will write you letters and they will squeeze you for every cent you make. Seriously, enjoy the next 24 hours because right now you are still students. Tuesday morning they will have all your numbers, all your address in the database and they will start tracking you. If Osama bin Laden was a Yale graduate they would know what cave he was in, exactly. It's true. President Bush should get the Yale Alumni Association on the case.
我不愿重返耶魯還有另外一個原因，那就是，一旦我回到這里，耶魯校友會就能精確把握我的動向。你們也許還不太了解耶魯校友會吧，那我就給你們提個醒吧，在你們畢業之后，耶魯校友會將會一直追蹤你。不管你走到哪里，不管你生活在哪個國家，他們都會找到你，給你寫信，會榨干你掙到的每一分錢。嚴肅點說，盡情享受這最后24小時的學生時光吧！星期二早上，他們將會把你們所有人的電話號碼和地址存入數據庫，并開始追蹤你們。如果奧薩馬·本·拉登是耶魯畢業的，那么他們將會知道他藏在哪一個山洞里。這是真的。布什總統應該請耶魯校友會來協助處理本·拉登一案。
