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40 Bob
鮑勃
Long ago, it wasn't unusual for colossal countries to establish colonies in distant lands.
很久以前，一個龐大的國家在海外建立殖民地是司空見慣的事。
They were often successful at colonizing weaker kingdoms.
這些大國常常能在弱國成功拓殖。
However, some small nations were able to resist colonial rule.
然而，一些小國卻能抵制殖民統治。
This brings to mind a rather comical case involving a man named Bob.
這讓我想起一件非常滑稽的事，事關一個名叫鮑勃的人。
Bob was a colonel in a large country.
鮑勃是某大國的陸軍上校。
Although he held the title of commander, he wasn't a very good one.
他雖說擁有統帥的頭銜，但還算不上一個好統帥。
The men didn't like him because of his comic ways and because he had obtained his position through influence rather than hard work.
將士們不喜歡他，因為他舉止滑稽可笑，而且他是通過關系而不是刻苦努力才獲得這一要職的。
This was a bad combination for a leader.
對一名領導者而言，這可不是一個好的組合。
Nevertheless, Bob's supervising officer commended him and recommended that Bob be sent to lead the colonization of a far-away country.
盡管如此，鮑勃的上司仍對他稱贊有加，并推薦鮑勃到一個遙遠的國家去領導拓殖行動。
Some believed that Bob was given this job because it was commensurate with his abilities.
一些人認為鮑勃有相稱的能力勝任這一職務，
Others commented that the military just wanted to send Bob far away.
其他人則議論說軍方只不過想把鮑勃趕得遠遠的。
Bob commenced his assignment and reached the distant country by boat.
鮑勃走馬上任，坐船來到這個遙遠的國家。
It wasn't long before Bob found himself facing the native resistance.
鮑勃很快就遭到當地人的反抗。
By then, all of Bob's men had combined to desert him.
那時，鮑勃手下的所有將士早已聯合起來叛離了他。
So Bob tried to hold off the natives with the only weapon he knew how to use-fire.
于是，鮑勃只好用他唯一會使的武器——火來抵擋當地人。
He planned to scare the natives at night by creating a huge wall of fire in their village.
他打算在晚上圍著村子點一圈大火，嚇唬嚇唬當地人。
At midnight, he started pouring combustible liquids around the village.
半夜時分，他開始圍著村子倒易燃液體。
Unfortunately, he got some on the seat of his pants.
不幸的是，他臀部的褲子上也沾了點液體。
Lighting a match to see, he achieved combustion.
他點了根火柴想看個究竟，卻見他自己也惹火燒身了。
The natives said that Bob looked like a comet as he ran around the village trying to find water.
當地人說鮑勃滿村跑著找水時，看起來就像一顆彗星。
Back at home, radio commentators laughed and newspapers published humorous commentaries about the event.
在他的家鄉，廣播評論員捧腹大笑，報紙上登出各種關于此事的搞笑評論。
But the natives liked Bob.
但是家鄉人喜歡鮑勃。
In fact, they commemorate Bob every year on the anniversary of his arrival.
事實上，每逢一年一度的鮑勃返鄉紀念日，他們都會紀念鮑勃。
