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He spent his days aimlessly—going shopping with his wife, and wandering from doctor to doctor to find help for his depression—all the while snorting cocaine. He took menial jobs. He frequently considered suicide.
他毫無目的地打發(fā)時(shí)間——和妻子一起購物、四處登門求醫(yī)、讓醫(yī)生幫助治療他的憂郁癥——同時(shí)還一直在吸食可卡因。他從事著一些不體面的工作，經(jīng)常想到自殺。
By the third year of Stan's addiction, the effects of cocaine were increasingly fleeting. The high would last for only seconds before he would crash back to the depths of his depression.
到了斯坦染上毒癮的第三個(gè)年頭，可卡因的作用時(shí)間變得越來越短。可卡因引起的快感只能持續(xù)幾秒鐘，隨后他便重新跌進(jìn)抑郁的深淵。
Finally, it reached the point where I just stood around crying, Stan says. Jane knew her husband's condition was desperate, and she persuaded him to enter an addiction center. Stan checked into a prominent institution, but he had one-half ounce of cocaine concealed in his clothes. "I was cooperative for a few days, until I had snorted up my cocaine," Stan says. Then he split—as he did other times when Jane convinced him to seek help.
“最后，我淪落到隨地哭泣的地步。”斯坦說。簡明白丈夫已經(jīng)深處絕境，便勸說他前往戒毒中心。斯坦登記住進(jìn)了一家有名的戒毒機(jī)構(gòu)，但他在衣服里藏了半盎司可卡因。“開始幾天我比較配合，直到我吸食完了帶進(jìn)來的可卡因。”斯坦說。然后他就溜了——以前簡讓他去尋求醫(yī)生幫助時(shí)他也這樣做過。
Once when Stan believed he had finally beaten his addiction, he was washing his car and saw a small vial of cocaine, a leftover from his past, roll from beneath the carpet. "Just the sight of it made me high," he recalls. "I put it in my pocket. I thought it would make me stronger to keep it and resist the temptation. But my mind never left that vial."
有一次，斯坦相信自己最終戰(zhàn)勝了毒癮，可是他在清洗汽車的時(shí)候，看見了過去吸剩下的一小瓶可卡因從地毯下滾了出來。看見它，我的快感就來了，”他回憶道，“我把它裝進(jìn)口袋。我覺得，保存它并抵御其誘惑會(huì)使我堅(jiān)強(qiáng)起來。但是我的頭腦里一直在想著那個(gè)小瓶。”
Like a serpent coiled in Stan's pocket, the little vial of cocaine lay quietly. A war raged in Stan's mind. Then the serpent struck with a ferocity known only to those who are powerless against their addiction.
那瓶可卡因像一條蜷伏在斯坦衣袋里的毒蛇一樣安靜地待在那里。斯坦的頭腦中爆發(fā)了一場大戰(zhàn)。接著毒蛇發(fā)起進(jìn)攻，其兇惡程度只有那些無力抗拒毒癮的人們才有體會(huì)。
