評(píng)論
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"I told Jane the story," he says. "As I spoke, I realized that something was all wrong. I possessed everything I had ever dreamed of, but I felt very sad and hopeless. What was worse, I knew it would never change."
“我告訴了簡(jiǎn)那個(gè)故事，”他說(shuō)，“我說(shuō)的時(shí)候意識(shí)到，這一切都錯(cuò)了，我擁有了想要得到的一切東西，但我卻感到非常悲哀和無(wú)助。更糟糕的是，我清楚這種狀況將無(wú)法改變。”
Then in the early 1980s, a doctor friend invited Stan to dinner. The friend said he had been using cocaine as an anti-depressant. He described it as a marvelous nonaddictive drug. Stan decided the drug might be just right for his own depression.
后來(lái)，80年代初，一位醫(yī)生朋友請(qǐng)斯坦吃飯。那位朋友說(shuō)，他一直使用可卡因作為抗憂郁癥的藥品，他把可卡因描繪為一種神奇的、不會(huì)上癮的藥。斯坦覺(jué)得，這種藥也許適用于自己的憂郁癥。
From the instant I snorted the first line of cocaine, I was addicted, says Stan. "It gave me poise, confidence, happiness—things I had believed money should buy. It made me seem a better person, a better talker, a better dentist."
“從我吸食第一口可卡因開(kāi)始，我就上癮了，”斯坦說(shuō)，“可卡因給我安定、信心和幸福的感覺(jué)——這些我原來(lái)以為應(yīng)該用金錢才可以買到。它使得我看起來(lái)更優(yōu)秀，更健談，醫(yī)療技術(shù)更高明。”
At first Stan did not believe that he was doing anything wrong: "I thought I had finally found an anti-depressant drug that raised me from my misery. It angered me that such a wonderful drug would continue to be outlawed."
起初，斯坦不相信他在做錯(cuò)事。“我以為終于發(fā)現(xiàn)了一種抗憂郁癥的藥品。它會(huì)使我從痛苦中擺脫出來(lái)。令我感到氣憤的是，這樣一種奇妙的藥品還被當(dāng)作違禁品。”
Two years after Stan's introduction to cocaine, his insulation from the world of street addiction was knocked asunder when his physician friend was murdered. A week later, Stan walked out of his dental office and never returned. "At the time, I believed I could not deal with the pressures of my practice, but that wasn't it. I just needed more time for my addiction."
斯坦吸食可卡因兩年后，（介紹他吸毒的）醫(yī)生朋友被謀殺了。從此他和街頭的癮君子之間的隔斷被打破了。一個(gè)星期以后，斯坦走出他的牙科診所，再?zèng)]有回來(lái)。“當(dāng)時(shí)，我認(rèn)為我無(wú)法應(yīng)對(duì)來(lái)自職業(yè)的壓力，但是實(shí)際上不是這樣的。我只是需要更多的時(shí)間來(lái)滿足毒癮。”
