The problem is that people have never before entered marriage with the high expectations they now hold. Throughout history, the family has been a vital unit for survival, starting as a defense system for physical survival, and gradually becoming a unit for economic survival. Now, of course, the family has become a physical and economic liability rather than an asset. Having met, as a society, the basic survival and security needs, people simply don't need each other anymore to fight Indians or spin yarn — or wash dishes or repair electrical plugs for that matter. The bonds of marriage and family life are no longer ftinctional, but affectional. People used to come to love each other bccause they needed each other. Now it's just the other way around. They need each other because they love each other.
問題是,人們從未像現在這樣對婚姻抱如此之高的期望。從古至今,家庭一直是人類賴以生存的單位,開始時是充作維持肉體生存的防守系統,爾后漸漸變成了保障經濟上得以生存下去的單位。到了今天,家庭顯然已成了物質上、經濟上的負擔,而不再是可靠保證了。人們作為一個社會,在滿足了基本的生存和安全需要之后,相互間完全不再需要去和印第安人作戰或紡紗了——進一步而論,也不要洗盤子或修理電插頭了?;橐龊图彝ド畹募~帶,再也不是功能性的,而是情感方面的。過去人們相愛是因為相互需要,現在正好顛倒了過來。人們相互需要是因為相愛。
Listening to the complaints of those recently divorced, one seldom hears of brutality and desertion, but usually something like, "We just don't communicate very well", "The educational differences between us were simply too great to overcome", "I felt trapped in the relationship", "He won’t let me be me", "We don't have much in common anymore". These complaints are interesting, because they reflect high-order discontent resulting from the failure of marriage to meet the great expectations held for it. Couples now expect — and demand — communication and understanding, shared values and goals, intellectual companionship, great moments ofintimacy. By and large, marriage today actually does deliver such moments, but as a result couples have gone on to burden the relationship with even greater demands. To some extent it has been the success of marriage that has created the discontent.
從那些剛離婚的人的怨言中,你很少聽到有關虐待和遺棄一類的事,而通常的抱怨大都是:"我們就是不能很好地相互溝通","我們所受的教育差距太大,無法克服","我感到被我倆的關系束縛住了","他不讓我實現自我價值","我們之間共同的東西不多了"。這些抱怨很有趣,因為它們反映了由于婚姻未能滿足早先對它所抱的巨大期望而造成的高層次上的不滿。夫妻間現在期望——并要求——交流與理解,共同的價值觀念與目標,精神上的相互依托,以及美好的親近時刻??偟膩碇v,現今的婚姻確實給夫妻們帶來這種時刻,但也正因為如此,夫妻們進而以更高的要求沉重地拖累著婚姻關系。在一定程度上,正是婚姻的成功引起了不滿。