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在本期四六級考試專欄中，全國四六級考委會的夏國佐教授對讀者題為"Welcome to our club"的作文進行了講評和改寫。按照四級作文的評分標準，作文部分滿分15分，這篇文章得分11分。下期夏老師將講評2007年12月份的四級作文題"What electives to choose"。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點評，請按下面要求寫出一篇短文，發到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "What electives to choose". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1．各大學為學生開設了多種多樣的選修課 2．學生出于各種原因選擇不同的選修課
3．以我自己為例……
讀者原文
Welcome to our club
If you feel that your spoken English is not so good and want to improve it, or you just desire for a chance to show your excellent spoken English, please do not hesitate and join our oral English club.
Our club is aimed to help one to have more confidence in their English learning. To reach this goal, it will provide you a series of practical and efficient activities. Such as English corner, singing competition, films from America and Europe and so on. Through these, you can not only practice your oral English but also your listening skills.
By joining our club, you can acquire more than knowledge. In the process of communicating with others, you will clearly realize what your merits and shortcomings in English learning are. Furthermore, it is a good opportunity for you to make true friends from different places. And the most important thing is that you will be granted a chance to be a leader managing the whole club, which is full of challenges and helps to certify your competence.
I hope everyone can seize the opportunity. Please visit the Club Union or the club website to register your personal information. We are looking forward to meeting you.
修改后的文章
Welcome to our club
If you feel that your spoken English is not so good and want to improve it, or you just long for a chance to help your fellow students with their oral English, please do not hesitate to join our Oral English Club.
Our club aims to help you gain more confidence in your English ability. To reach this goal, it will provide you with a great variety of lively activities, such as English corner discussions, singing contests, English performances and so on. We will also show English films from America and Europe. Through these activities, you can practice your oral English and your listening skills.
By joining our club, you will acquire more than knowledge and skills. In the process of communicating with others, you will come to realize what your merits and shortcomings in English learning are. Moreover, it is a good opportunity for you to meet friends from different places. Perhaps what is most important is that you will be offered a chance to act as a leader of our club for a few weeks and take responsibility for the management of routine affairs, which is full of challenges and helps to boost your leadership qualities.
I hope everyone can seize this opportunity. Those who want to join us, please visit the Club Union or the club website to register your personal information. We are looking forward to meeting you.
夏老師的點評
這篇作文切題，內容充實，表達思想亦比較清楚,達到了大學英語四級的寫作要求。該生對英語語法和句子結構掌握得相當好，可見他在學習英語上是花了功夫的。不足的是對英語的慣用法和詞語的搭配還不夠留心，對一些詞的確切意思把握得還不夠好，個別地方詞不達意。下面是幾點具體的修改建議：
1. 第一段第一句中的"or you just desire for a chance"應改為"or you just long for a chance"。"Desire"是及物動詞，后面不加介詞，直接接賓語。例如：
This is the very effect we desire (to achieve).
當然，"desire"作名詞用時，后面接介詞for, 例如：
His desire for power can never be satisfied.
同一句中的"show your excellent spoken English"語言上沒有錯，但是有驕傲之意，建議改為"help your fellow students with their oral English"。
2. 第二段第一句中的"Our club is aimed to help one to have more confidence…"應改為"Our club aims to help you to gain more confidence…"。 "Aim to"一般用語態，主語可以是人或單位，也可以是事物。如果主語為事物而且需要強調被動語態時，一般用"to be aimed at"。試看下面的例句：
From here on we aim to be a high-productivity high-wage plant.
Locke aims to defend his view that all our ideas derive from experience.
The program aims to stimulate children’s interest in science.
The event aims to bring together people working in television, students, trainees and those with an interest in the industry.
The police detected a virus that was aimed at the coming election.
3. 第二段第二句中的"it will provide you a series of … activities"應改為"it will provide you with a series of … activities"。"provide"后不接雙賓語。接下去的"such as…"不能單獨成句，應與上句合并。另外，"English corner"和"film"均為物名，不是一種活動，應作相應的改動。
4. 第三段第三句"it is a good opportunity for you to make true friends from different places"應改為"it is a good opportunity for you to meet friends from different places"。"與……交朋友"是"make friends with"。英語中沒有"make true friends"這種講法，與"true friends"相搭配的動詞是 "find"和"become"，例如：
If you have found true friends, you have real treasure.
Karelius knew that he and Moreau, however cordial their relations, could never become true friends.
5. 第三段第四句中的"you will be granted a chance"應改為"you will be offered a chance"。"grant"的意思是"給予(你請求的東西)"，與"offer"(主動給予)不完全一樣。
6. 第三段第四句中的"certify your competence"用得不妥。"certify"意為"證實，證明……合格，給……發證書", 例如：
In addition, he had to certify that restoration was both practicable and in the public interest.
Beef exports must be certified safe and disease-free.
Nancy was certified as a nurse in 2006.
n. 病毒，病原體
