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在本期四六級考試專欄中，全國四六級考委會的夏國佐教授對讀者題為"What electives to choose"的作文進行了講評和改寫。按照四級作文評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，作文部分滿分15分，這篇文章得分14分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點評，請按下面要求寫出一篇短文，發(fā)到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "What electives to choose". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1．各大學(xué)為學(xué)生開設(shè)了多種多樣的選修課 2．學(xué)生出于各種原因選擇不同的選修課
3．以我自己為例……
讀者原文
What electives to choose
Nowadays colleges have various elective courses for students to choose. Students from different departments may sit in the same classroom and study what may have nothing to do with their major. On the other hand, though, one student can take several courses that are not interrelated with each other at the same time.
There’s no doubt that elective courses are welcomed by students, but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ from person to person. Some students choose a certain course merely out of their personal interest in a certain field, while some may take the utility of the course into consideration and expect to put what they have learnt into practice after graduation. Some students are inclined to choose courses they are familiar with in order to get a good result in the exam, while others do not care about the exam and choose what they totally have no idea of.
As for me, the most important thing is my interest. I will never get any joy by working on something that seems boring to me and I will not work hard on it. I do not weigh too much whether it is useful for my future job, either. As far as I’m concerned, an elective course provides me with a great opportunity to get to know the world that I am not familiar with yet very curious about. For example, I’m taking an elective course called general biology this semester. Although it has nothing to do with my major, I find myself very happy working on it. Generally speaking, I think elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop comprehensively.
修改后的文章
What electives to choose
Nowadays colleges have various elective courses for students to choose. Students from different departments may sit in the same classroom and study a subject that may have nothing to do with their majors. Moreover, a student can take several courses that are not interrelated with each other at the same time.
There is no doubt that elective courses are welcomed by students, but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ. Some students choose a course merely out of their personal interest in a certain field, while others may take the utility of the course into consideration and expect to put what they have learnt into practice after graduation. Some students are inclined to choose courses they are familiar with in order to get a good result in the exam, while others do not care about the exam and choose a course in a little known field.
As for me, I do not care much whether the course I choose is useful for my future job. My first consideration is interest. I will never get good results working on something that bores me because I can not make myself work hard on it. As far as I’m concerned, an elective course provides me with a great opportunity to get to know some subjects that I am not familiar with yet very curious about. For example, I’m taking an elective course called general biology this semester. Although it has nothing to do with my major, I find myself very happy working on it.
In conclusion, elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop in an all-round way.
夏老師的點評
這篇作文寫得很好，文章切題，內(nèi)容充實，文字相當(dāng)流暢。該生語言基本功扎實，通篇沒有一個語法或拼寫錯誤，駕馭長句和復(fù)雜句子的能力很強，對于英語的成語和習(xí)慣用法掌握也相當(dāng)熟練。不足的是個別地方思想和文字組織得不夠好，下面是幾點具體的修改建議：
1. 第一段第三句中的"On the other hand, though"用得不夠確當(dāng)，這里前后說的不是一個問題的兩個方面，也沒有轉(zhuǎn)折的意思，所以"On the other hand"和"though"都用不上，建議改為"Moreover" 。
2. 第二段第一句"but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ from person to person" ，由于前面已經(jīng)用了"each" ，后面再用"from person to person" 就顯得累贅了。建議改為"but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ" ，或"but the reasons for students to make their own choice differ from person to person" 。
3. 第二段最后一句的("while others… choose what) they totally have no idea of"講得有點過分，學(xué)生選課，總要做一些了解，老師也有責(zé)任指導(dǎo)，建議改為"while others…choose a course in a little known field" 。
4. 第三段第二句"I will never get any joy by working on something that seems boring to me and I will not work hard on it"前后意思上重復(fù)，其中的因果關(guān)系交代得不清楚，建議改為"I will never get good results working on something that bores me" 。
5. 第三段第三句"I do not weigh too much whether it is useful for my future job, either"中的"either"用得不對。雖然形式上前面是否定，但是在內(nèi)容上，兩者沒有太多的關(guān)系。另外， "weigh"后面接"whether"從句的也很少見，不如改為"care" 。從整段的組織來看，這一句最好提前到段首，與上面一段結(jié)尾相銜接，重新組織為： "As for me, I do not care much whether the course I choose is useful for my future job. My first consideration is interest. I will never get good results working on something that bores me because I can not make myself work hard on it."
6. 第三段最后一句"Generally speaking, I think elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop comprehensively"實際上是整篇文章的結(jié)尾，應(yīng)另起一段。改為"In conclusion, elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop in an all-round way".
adj. 好奇的，奇特的
