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在本期四六級考試專欄中，全國四六級考委會的夏國佐教授對讀者題為"Welcome to our club"的作文進行了講評和改寫。按照四級作文的評分標準，作文部分滿分15分，這篇文章得分9分。下期夏老師將繼續講評今年6月份的四級作文題"Welcome to our club"。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點評，請按下面要求寫出一篇短文，發到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions：For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:
1. 本社團的主要活動內容 2. 參加本社團的好處 3. 如何加入本社團
讀者原文
Welcome to our club
Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax yourself? Do you want to enrich your life? Now, you can make a wise choice to join up our Fun Club.
There are many kinds of activities in our club, including entertainment and study. We will hold a party on every Friday evening, during the time you can sing and dance to music. Besides, you can go for a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related your major courses. And we set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. If you join up our club, there are many advantages waiting for you. First, you can practice yourself and build up your social ability. Second, you can make more new friends. Most of all, you can balance between work and study.
There are several ways we can join up Fun Club. You can directly go to Room 300. You can also call the number 9542xxxx. Besides, you can send an e-mail to mail@funclub.com. Don’t hesitate to take action at once.
修改后的文章
Welcome to our club
Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax? Do you want to enrich your life? Why not join our club?
Our club is named "Fun Club" because we organize many interesting activities that can involve both entertainment and study. We hold a party on every Friday evening, at which you can sing and dance to music. Besides, we have a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related to your major courses and offer chances for you to compare notes on your studies. And we plan to set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. So, if you join our club, you’ll have many benefits. First, you can get lots of practice and build up your social skills. Second, you can make many new friends. Most of all, you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment.
There are several ways you can join our Fun Club. You can go directly to Room 300 to apply. You can also call us at 9542xxxx. Or you can send an application to us at mail@funclub.com. Don’t hesitate. It’ll be great fun!
夏老師的點評
這篇作文基本上達到了大學英語四級的寫作要求，能以簡單的書面英語傳達自己的意思，語言錯誤不多。該生對英語句子結構的掌握比較好，但是對英語的習慣搭配卻不太注意，語感不是很好。下面是幾點具體的修改建議。
1. 第一段第二句"Do you want to relax yourself"中的yourself"是多余的。動詞"relax"既可作及物動詞用，也可以作不及物動詞 用，例如：
Just sit back and relax, and enjoy the music.
She realized how tense she was and forced herself to relax.
What Robin needed was a good drink to relax herself.
很多學生喜歡在"relax"之后接"myself/yourself", 但在英語中"relax"之后接反身代詞的情況極為少見。常接的賓語是"muscle", "hold/grip", "rules/controls/regulations", "vigilance/concentration"一類詞。同樣，第一段第四句"to join up our Fun Club"以及后面兩段中的"up"也是多余的。加入某個團體或組織，用"join"即可，例如：
During the war, he joined the air force and became a pilot.
"Join up"常作"參軍"解，但是不及物，后面不跟賓語，例如：
He joined up right after leaving school.
"Join up"作及物動詞時，意為"連接" ，例如：
You need to join up these two lines.
2. 第一段第四句中的"you can make a wise choice"不如改為"you can make a wise decision" 。 "make a choice"是在幾個東西中挑一個，作一個選擇，可這里沒有提到別的選擇，用"choice"就不合適了。
3. 第二段第二句的"during the time you can sing and dance to music", 應該改為"at which you can sing and dance to music" ，或者干脆將這一句拆分為兩句。英語中，主從復合句必須有連接詞連接主句和從句，如果沒有連接詞，則各個子句是獨立的，應該用句號分開。
4. 第二段第四句的"we provide many books related your major courses"應改為"we provide many books related to your major courses"。動詞"relate"的搭配應為"relate sth. to sth.", 例如：
Most writing systems relate letters to sounds fairly closely.
Is Conni related to him?
Fox writes about how culture is related to art.
5. 第二段第七句中的"you can practice yourself"建議改為"you can get lots of practice"。 "practice yourself"這種說法在英語中見不到。
6. 第二段第八句中的"you can make more new friends"建議改為"you can make many new friends" 。這里沒有明確的比較，還是不用比較級為好。
7. 第二段最后一句中的"you can balance between work and study"應改為"you can balance study and entertainment"或者"you can balance study with entertainment", 也可以改為"you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment"。在兩者之間取得平衡(給予同等重視)，用"Balance A and/with B"這個表達形式，或者用"achieve/strike/keep/maintain a balance between A and B"。另外，從內容方面看，俱樂部的活動內容是學習和娛樂，通篇沒有提到工作，所以，在這里突然講起工作和學習的平衡，有一點前后不連貫，改成"between study and entertainment" ，就要好得多。
學習英語最重要的是多讀、多寫，同時要觀察英美人如何表達思想，如何搭配使用詞語，體會每一個詞的確切含義。讀得多了，并用心去體會，慢慢就會找到感覺。
adj. 社會的，社交的
n. 社交聚會
